Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

“She’s not a fan. She’s researching about you.” Louis and Niall rush into the lounge area where I’m sitting on the verge of a heart attack. I stand up from the chair and Louis shows me his iPhone triumphantly.

“Or maybe she’s a dude…” Niall mumbles with his hands on his waist.

“What?” I snap collapsing on the chair. So many things in my mind right now…

“We found her… at La Sorbonne,” Louis grins. I grimace shaking my head ‘no.’ It can’t be… “Field work finally gave a return… Stan got her surname discreetly enquiring about a girl with her characteristics in a pub near her Uni we identified as the place she goes assiduously, even though she never mentioned the proper name. They knew who she was right away. And following the idea I told you the other day he began to call every Literature Department at La Sorbonne asking for someone called Jane Mars… He didn’t even need to google her.”

“Is ‘Mars’ her surname, as the planet?” I mutter.

“As the god of war, yeah, and her name is not ‘Jein’ but ‘Jan’ spelled in French… Jeanne Mars,” Niall explains. I nod at him returning my attention to Louis.

“But that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not a fan or a girl–––I mumble. There has to be other Directioners writing thesis about us elsewhere…” I know I’m rambling.

“Focus, Harry!–––he snaps at me leaning to look right into my eyes. This girl Jeanne Mars works at the Literary Theory Department as an assistant on some Professor’s research about non-canonical genre, whatever that is… The super nice lady secretary of the Department also told Stan she’s writing a PhD thesis on the same subject… Harry, do you realise? A Doctor…” A chill runs down my spine. “To that she has to be at least around twenty-five years old. She can’t be a fan…” He observes but I become blocked.

“But the story from London is true!” I jump from my chair fearing the worst. At this very moment her words and attitude towards me seem to find a complete new sense… “Maybe she likes me anyway…”

“Maybe it’s not even her but the Professor using her name…” Niall blurts and both Louis and I squint at his idea. His dirty mind scares me sometimes.

“I think Niall is getting a bit too carried away…–––Louis says. She’s a girl. She writes with a woman’s sensitivity…”

“Is there such thing?” I ask, confused, my hands resting on my waist.

“Haven’t you just read the scene when Laila and Harry go to bed for the first time?” I frown my eyebrows. “Haven’t you?–––he snaps, perplexed. What have you been doing? She updated ‘Bizarre Love Triangle’ right after ‘A Season In Paris.’ We’ll give you a minute to check it out…” They snicker at each other as I go to the bookmark on Firefox.

She opened her eyes almost in despair. I had her in my hand, all her sensations and all her emotions concentrated on the tips of my fingers and I couldn’t let it go. I could have stopped there, removed my boxers and penetrated her, but to have her like that was beyond sensorial; my mind was dazed and all I wanted was for her to orgasm on my fingertips so I could feel her in all her intensity.

“I’m speechless…” I mutter with difficulty.

“Do you need five minutes alone?” Niall giggles as I glare at this little mood killer.

“Knock it off, Niall…” I grumble flicking my hand at him.

“It blew my mind too…” Louis smirks, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, it gets me every time…” Niall shakes his head.

“How many times have you read it?”

“About ten times already–––he grins. I don’t care if it’s a dude…” I’m going to murder him.

“She’s not a dude–––Louis interrupts. Those words are from a woman…”

“OK, probably–––I say. So what?”

“‘So what’ you ask me, you, little prick?–––Louis speaks to me looking absolutely astonished. Harry, she’s French and older!–––he shouts lifting his hands. I’m calling a meeting right now! You better run to tell her ILoveTommoBear is going to Paris to see One Direction and she wants to meet her!” He exclaims turning away to leave. She really is… She’s French and older as I realise in shock… “Harry? What did I promise you?” Louis asks addressing me one more time.

“You’ll find her by Paris,” I giggle.

“And…?” He carries on ironically, raising his eyebrows.

“You just did…” I shake my head, stupefied, my hands on my waist. He just did so. He found her… Louis winks and smiles as I haven’t seen him smile in quite some time. I watch them leave and jump to my laptop again.

Now I really get to understand so many things she had told me. She’s not a fan but I’m everything to her because she is working on something about me. She is devious. What if she doesn’t like me? She has to… I have dimples and bite my lower lip a lot. But she wasn’t jealous… Anyway I’m willing to take the risk so without thinking too much about it I begin to type.

ILoveTommoBear: I forgot to tell you I’m going to see the boys in Paris on June 20! A bit expensive but who cares. Lots of love xo.

–.–.–

Later on we are gathered in my hotel room. Everyone is excited with the breaking news. It’s been a while since I don’t see all the boys in such harmony with one another. Maybe she’s not a conventional fan–––though she seems to care about our fate–––but without even knowing it she has helped us through some rough times.

“Too bad Stan Lucas is not here with us. None of this would have happened without him…” Niall says.

“Let’s call him over FaceTime!” Zayn exclaims, jumping and glancing towards Louis, who pulls his iPhone from his pocket, with his signature smirk on the face. He’s in glory, I can tell. I smile.

“Louis… All-mighty Tommo bear…–––Liam solemnly says approaching him and gripping Louis’ shoulder. I have to admit you won in this. You knew it from the very beginning… You are the King,” he states and Niall and Zayn acclaim with their arms in the air. Louis places his mobile on the table and mimics Liam’s gesture, the left hand over his heart.

“Thank you, Liam–––he grins. I accept your apologies without bragging about it, for now…”

“Stan Lucas’ here, boys!” We hear his voice coming out of Louis’ iPhone and soon his face appears on the screen. The boys start to shout out his name. I cover my mouth with both hands.

“Stan Lucas! You, living God!” Niall screams, sticking his tongue out.

“Stan, Stan, how could I thank you, mate–––I mumble bending down in front of the mobile. I’m so moved right now I can barely speak!” The boys cheer up loudly, lifting their fists.

“Harry, forget it. You know what you have to do now–––Stan giggles. You have to meet this woman… Who cares if she’s not a fan? I’m sure she likes you anyway.” His words hit me straight to the heart. “I promise you…” He says with a huge smile on his face. I cover my eyes overflew by so many emotions and the boys jump over me.

“I’ll do it, mate!” I manage to say as I practically fall to the floor under their weight.

“He’s right, Harry. You can’t back off now–––Niall claims. You need to do this for all of us, for our friendship.”

“We are together in this so we got your back!” Liam shouts as we all hug in the middle of the room with Stan cackling on the mobile’s screen back in England. She definitely has been the best group therapy we could ask for.

–.–.–

After the show I run to my bedroom to check my message board on the website hoping she has written me back. What an amazing night it was, a euphoric show to put the perfect finish to an unreal day.

DreamingOfYou: ILoveTommoBear, Oh, that’s so great! You must be ecstatic! Hey, I’m from Paris! Where are you staying?

I laugh. I know you are from Paris… And I hope you are online because I’m dying to talk to you. So I write again.

ILoveTommoBear: Mmmh, I’m not sure…

DreamingOfYou: Would you like to stay with me? Lodging in Paris is quite expensive.

She is online… All this time we’ve been online at the same time because we practically share time zone… By her words I’m guessing she lives by herself. I’d love to be able to say ‘yes’ to her offer… How could I not be fond of her when she’s this outgoing and friendly? I only hope she doesn’t have a boyfriend… No, no, she hasn’t, I’m sure. Those things she said about me… But she was sort of posing as a fan… God, this is so confusing… Who cares? I’m doing it anyway. So the great moment of truth has finally arrived. My fingers are trembling as I type.

ILoveTommoBear: Well, thank you very much, although I guess it won’t be necessary. But if you like we could meet anyway…

Please, say you will… I stare at the screen.

DreamingOfYou: That would be great! I’d love to meet you! So you have a date with me, little miss. Do you know Paris yet?

Yes! I’m the happiest man on the face of the earth, and the most frightened one, by the way. She amazes me… She doesn’t even remotely consider the possibility of me not being who I claim to be… Oh, blame me!

ILoveTommoBear: I’ve been there a couple of times before but I don’t know the city that well. I’ll probably get lost a lot. I’ll be there on June 18.

DreamingOfYou: Paris works easily when you take the river as a guide because it’s midtown, as in London. If you keep that reference I promise you’ll never get lost. We could meet at Shakespeare & Company, a famous bookstore ‘au Quartier Latin,’ on the left bank of river Seine–––south part of town, actually, right across Notre Dame de Paris. It’s lovely there…

I shake my head. I still can’t believe I’m meeting her, and in Paris, the most romantic city in the world. How could we get to this? The past two months had been a complete madness. I don’t even want to recall it now everything seems to have settled down. I look at my schedule.

ILoveTommoBear: Sounds wonderful. Four in the afternoon is OK with you?

DreamingOfYou: Let me see… Perfect to me, darling. So I guess I see you there!

I know she just looked at her schedule as well, of course, because she’s a researcher. She has a busy life. This is going so fast I’m choking. God, what am I about to do? She’s not a fan. She’ll literally hate me once she finds out who I am. But I want to meet her so badly…

ILoveTommoBear: Wait! How will I recognise you?

I guess I could go through Google to see if I might find a photo of her, but I like the way things turned out leaving some place for mystery. I have to resist the urge.

DreamingOfYou: Let’s see… I’ll be inside wearing a buttoned white shirt and a nude lace skirt. And my name is Jeanne Mars, by the way…

And I’m Harry Styles but you don’t know that… Yet.

ILoveTommoBear: I can’t wait to meet you, Jeanne Mars…

She’ll absolutely hate me but I don’t care. I have to meet her. Although I don’t really know how I’ll manage to leave the hotel without a minder, this is happening… I can’t believe we’ll be in Paris the day after tomorrow. Just in time, Tommo bear.

–.–.–

Notes

Mystery has just begun...

Who is Jeanne Mars? Is her story written somewhere on her Fan Fictions? Does she like Harry? Could a 25 years old future Philosopher Doctor be interested in an international pop star? Does she have a boyfriend? Will Harry like what he'll find in that bookstore? But first, how will she react at their meeting in Paris? Next Chapter: Reunited.

When I started to write this story I had no idea where I was going. When DreamingOfYou began to take form in Harry's mind I knew I wanted to write something I haven't read before. I knew it was tricky and risky, but I jumped in. I needed a challenge. And I couldn't give up on mystery...

She was born from curiousity, by the vibes you give me in your stories. First it was Mikkemille and Ciao Niccie, but then a lot of people added to them, Afriendofjenny, amongst others. No one seems to notice how wonderful and unique is what we do here. The boys of One Direction are always telling us how much we changed their lives but we don't seem to realise that Fan Fiction is the most life-changing form of fangirling. Writing and reading Fan Fictions will change our minds so their impact becomes much greater than a just crush. To transform a crush over a star into writing is to create life. We don't create life too often. 'Plant a tree, have a child, write a book,' as they say. So let's be proud. There are actual people researching about this because this is a movement. And this story is an ode to us.

This is not going to be conventional. Her viva voce/thesis' defence will be epic. I hope you continue giving this story a chance and that you like what's coming next. Let me know.

Love you all.