Something In The Way You Move
Can't Hold Back
I logged onto my twitter account. I did what I knew I shouldn't have done, but did regardless. Searching for Harry's account, I clicked on him. I wasn't fallowing him, because his update with photos were constant reminders I wasn't in his life. That goes for the other boys too.
I looked over a few of his latest tweets, none too meaningful. The I went to his pictures. I saw a few random pictures of him, which made me smile sadly at how beautiful those dimples were. But deep swim it almost made me angry that I was no longer the reason for those dimples to show themselves. I was no longer able to poke them and giggle as I so often used to.
The next picture was one of those pictures that triggers emotions. I stared at the screen of my phone taking in those two faces. Harry and Louis. There smiles were bright as they stood side by side. These two people meant the world to me, yet there were the only ones who weren't in my life.
I didn't know what to feel, my emotions over came me. I slowly slid to the floor against the wall and let the tears stream down my cheeks.
I had been doing a lot of crying lately. I wanted so bad just to snap my fingers and bring it all back.
I was confused, heartbroken, angry, betrayed, and I had held it in for so long I couldn't take it. I sobbed. My breath became uneven and I sat with my knees pulled to my chests and my head in my hands. My phone sat by my side, still mocking me with the image on the screen. Lou's eyes were lit up in a way I hadn't witnessed in a while. Harry's fucking dimples sat effortlessly on his flawless face. My crying became angry and frustrated. With every glance, the picture tormented me. 'they aren't in my life!' I thought to myself. This one image caused me so much pain.
My breathing hitched as realization came over me. I couldn't do it. What if I couldn't get them back. Louis said he was sorry, but I think I am just scared that it will happen again. Harry. How could he possibly forgive me for just leaving?
"I can't do it, any of it!" I whined with sorrow out loud, knowing no one could hear me.
I sobbed into my hands. Thinking hurt. It just hurt to think about how distant they were.
"I want it back!" I cried loudly.
I sniffled and wiped my face with my hands.
My phone began ringing. It was Louis. Fucking Louis. Out of all the times he decides to call, now?
Talk about spur the moment. My fingers grew a sudden mind of their own. I found my shaking fingers pressing the talk button.
I shakily held the phone to my ear. Why? I don't know. I just wanted to hear his voice.
"Wren?" He asked nervously. I still knew him well enough to know he was uneasy about calling me.
"Lou?" I sniffled letting the hopefulness be evident in my voice.
I felt as if he then realized I was crying.
"Wren, I fucked up and I need to talk to you." He said as if he was in a rush,"I don't care if you don't wanna see me, I Need to see you."
"Lou just-" I began.
"No, Im coming over now." He said without even listening to me.
I couldn't hold it in. I let a sob exit my body an fill the phone speaker. I broke down over the phone line.
There was a sad sigh from him then he said he would be over in 5 minutes.
He concluded by ending the call.
I knew it hurt him to hear me cry, it made him uneasy. Usually he would comfort me, but that was the old him.
I sat still helplessly crying into my hands. Those 5 minutes passed faster than I thought.
The door swung open and Louis stood in the doorway. His eyes fell to me on the floor and he froze. I looked at him, showing him my tear stained face. I could see the sorrow in his eyes, they were red and irritated. His hair was messy. It was evident he had been running his fingers through it prior to this. He would always run his nimble fingers through his hair when he was nervous.
We looked at each other for a moment. The only sound that filled the air was my whimpering and sobbing. My body shook as seeing him only made me cry harder.
"Wrenna, don't cry." He sighed. He then let a tear trickle down his sorrow ridden face. It was ironic that he would cry just as he told me to stop.
"Why Lou?" I stuttered out over my uneven breathing,"I can't pretend that you don't faze me. You make me want to cry, and I'm not strong enough to hide that." I said simply. At this point he was crying harder. Louis didn't cry often, but I felt as if we were both crying more than usual.
"I'm sorry Wrenna!" He cried with a mix of sorrow and anger,"I'm sorry. I. Fucked. Up!" He said stating every word boldly.
"I just want it to end!" I sobbed."I just want all this tension to evaporate. I want you to treat me the way you used to. I want all of this to end." I sobbed into my hands. My body racked uncomfortably.
"I know, I know, I do too." Louis then made his way over to sit beside me. He then did the unexpected and pulled me onto his lap. It felt nice to feel his protective arms around me. I missed them. I sobbed into the crook of his neck. It was silent as I rested my head upon him, but soon enough his body shook as he began crying almost as hard as me.
"I miss it all." I said quietly.
"Me too." He said as he began playing with my hair.
" I'm tired of fighting and acting like I hate you. I love you Lou, I love you so much!" I sobbed,"I miss you and everything we used to do together. I don't wanna be mad at you anymore." I whimpered.
"I love you so much Wrenna. I don't know what my problem is. I wanted to protect you from everything and I messed everything up." He cried as he held my close to him.
We sat in a comforting embrace for a few moments. My head gently rested on Lou's shoulder as he stroked my back. I finally broke the silence one my breathing was slowed and I had calmed down a bit.
"Lou, I want it back." I said simply and quietly. I didn't look up at him.
He didn't answer right away,"You want what back?" He said confused.
I looked at him then back down at my lap."I want you back Lou. I want everything back to how it was."
"I know, me too. Time can heal all things." He said with a slight smile on his lips.
I looked at him and smiled. Louis smile was contagious. His smile made me smile, that's how it has always been.
I then looked back at my lap for a moment. A tiny tear slid down my cheek as I thought about Harry.
I looked back at Louis.
"Lou, I want Harry back." I said softly.
"He wants you back too Wren." Louis said simply, as he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head.
His words gave me hope. Hope that this was a start to us going back to the old us. It gave me hope that he meant the last thing he said.
I was in his arms now, and there was only one other set of arms I would rather be in. Harry's. It gave me hope that one day, Harry would hold me close and kiss me like he used to.
I looked over a few of his latest tweets, none too meaningful. The I went to his pictures. I saw a few random pictures of him, which made me smile sadly at how beautiful those dimples were. But deep swim it almost made me angry that I was no longer the reason for those dimples to show themselves. I was no longer able to poke them and giggle as I so often used to.
The next picture was one of those pictures that triggers emotions. I stared at the screen of my phone taking in those two faces. Harry and Louis. There smiles were bright as they stood side by side. These two people meant the world to me, yet there were the only ones who weren't in my life.
I didn't know what to feel, my emotions over came me. I slowly slid to the floor against the wall and let the tears stream down my cheeks.
I had been doing a lot of crying lately. I wanted so bad just to snap my fingers and bring it all back.
I was confused, heartbroken, angry, betrayed, and I had held it in for so long I couldn't take it. I sobbed. My breath became uneven and I sat with my knees pulled to my chests and my head in my hands. My phone sat by my side, still mocking me with the image on the screen. Lou's eyes were lit up in a way I hadn't witnessed in a while. Harry's fucking dimples sat effortlessly on his flawless face. My crying became angry and frustrated. With every glance, the picture tormented me. 'they aren't in my life!' I thought to myself. This one image caused me so much pain.
My breathing hitched as realization came over me. I couldn't do it. What if I couldn't get them back. Louis said he was sorry, but I think I am just scared that it will happen again. Harry. How could he possibly forgive me for just leaving?
"I can't do it, any of it!" I whined with sorrow out loud, knowing no one could hear me.
I sobbed into my hands. Thinking hurt. It just hurt to think about how distant they were.
"I want it back!" I cried loudly.
I sniffled and wiped my face with my hands.
My phone began ringing. It was Louis. Fucking Louis. Out of all the times he decides to call, now?
Talk about spur the moment. My fingers grew a sudden mind of their own. I found my shaking fingers pressing the talk button.
I shakily held the phone to my ear. Why? I don't know. I just wanted to hear his voice.
"Wren?" He asked nervously. I still knew him well enough to know he was uneasy about calling me.
"Lou?" I sniffled letting the hopefulness be evident in my voice.
I felt as if he then realized I was crying.
"Wren, I fucked up and I need to talk to you." He said as if he was in a rush,"I don't care if you don't wanna see me, I Need to see you."
"Lou just-" I began.
"No, Im coming over now." He said without even listening to me.
I couldn't hold it in. I let a sob exit my body an fill the phone speaker. I broke down over the phone line.
There was a sad sigh from him then he said he would be over in 5 minutes.
He concluded by ending the call.
I knew it hurt him to hear me cry, it made him uneasy. Usually he would comfort me, but that was the old him.
I sat still helplessly crying into my hands. Those 5 minutes passed faster than I thought.
The door swung open and Louis stood in the doorway. His eyes fell to me on the floor and he froze. I looked at him, showing him my tear stained face. I could see the sorrow in his eyes, they were red and irritated. His hair was messy. It was evident he had been running his fingers through it prior to this. He would always run his nimble fingers through his hair when he was nervous.
We looked at each other for a moment. The only sound that filled the air was my whimpering and sobbing. My body shook as seeing him only made me cry harder.
"Wrenna, don't cry." He sighed. He then let a tear trickle down his sorrow ridden face. It was ironic that he would cry just as he told me to stop.
"Why Lou?" I stuttered out over my uneven breathing,"I can't pretend that you don't faze me. You make me want to cry, and I'm not strong enough to hide that." I said simply. At this point he was crying harder. Louis didn't cry often, but I felt as if we were both crying more than usual.
"I'm sorry Wrenna!" He cried with a mix of sorrow and anger,"I'm sorry. I. Fucked. Up!" He said stating every word boldly.
"I just want it to end!" I sobbed."I just want all this tension to evaporate. I want you to treat me the way you used to. I want all of this to end." I sobbed into my hands. My body racked uncomfortably.
"I know, I know, I do too." Louis then made his way over to sit beside me. He then did the unexpected and pulled me onto his lap. It felt nice to feel his protective arms around me. I missed them. I sobbed into the crook of his neck. It was silent as I rested my head upon him, but soon enough his body shook as he began crying almost as hard as me.
"I miss it all." I said quietly.
"Me too." He said as he began playing with my hair.
" I'm tired of fighting and acting like I hate you. I love you Lou, I love you so much!" I sobbed,"I miss you and everything we used to do together. I don't wanna be mad at you anymore." I whimpered.
"I love you so much Wrenna. I don't know what my problem is. I wanted to protect you from everything and I messed everything up." He cried as he held my close to him.
We sat in a comforting embrace for a few moments. My head gently rested on Lou's shoulder as he stroked my back. I finally broke the silence one my breathing was slowed and I had calmed down a bit.
"Lou, I want it back." I said simply and quietly. I didn't look up at him.
He didn't answer right away,"You want what back?" He said confused.
I looked at him then back down at my lap."I want you back Lou. I want everything back to how it was."
"I know, me too. Time can heal all things." He said with a slight smile on his lips.
I looked at him and smiled. Louis smile was contagious. His smile made me smile, that's how it has always been.
I then looked back at my lap for a moment. A tiny tear slid down my cheek as I thought about Harry.
I looked back at Louis.
"Lou, I want Harry back." I said softly.
"He wants you back too Wren." Louis said simply, as he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head.
His words gave me hope. Hope that this was a start to us going back to the old us. It gave me hope that he meant the last thing he said.
I was in his arms now, and there was only one other set of arms I would rather be in. Harry's. It gave me hope that one day, Harry would hold me close and kiss me like he used to.
5/23/13