Spelling and Grammar: You misspelled some words over and over again. Instead of herd, like a group of something, it should be heard, like I listened. They are homophones, but they have different meanings. Another thing you kept misspelling was scream. It's not screening. That makes it seem like they're at a doctor's office getting an x ray. You messed up with another set of homophones. You used the right one when Harry was talking, but you used hear instead of here for the character. I guess you didn't realize that mistake because you saying hear makes somebody think you are listening to something. The sentences didn't really flow together. They were all over the place and that confused me.

Plot and Story Line: The boyfriend cheating with the girlfriend is kind of overused. Try to come up with something different. But I like how you have her friend be pregnant with his baby. Just make that part more realistic in the future. Don't let it be the next day she finds out. It usually takes two to four weeks to find out if you're pregnant, not just a day. Another thing that is overused in your story is going to Starbucks and seeing One Direction, and almost instantly Harry Styles comes up and actually cares about me. I see that everywhere. But you had that twist when she went home and was about to cut herself and Harry saved her. Overall I liked your story, but it lacked a lot of detail. Just work on the detail part to get people to visualize it.

Notes

If I was a bit offensive, please tell me and I'll take your review down. I'm just being honest and giving you tips on what to do and what not to do. I'm trying to help you improve and that's my main goal of doing reviews. I'm not trying to be mean in anyway.