Spelling and Grammar: Here's my biggest problem with grammar. Detail. You need a lot of it. It actually helps people understand and get into your story more.

Here's an example:
(Original) "He left. That's why," I sigh. I turn around, and tears are going down her face.

(Edited) "He left. That's why," I sigh. I turn around, and a tear strewn Madison.

I just picked a random one. There was nothing wrong in that sentence. I just needed a line to show where you should use detail and describe some things. People would get more into the story and enjoy it. I like to visualize things when I read. Another thing is the repetition of and in a series. If you are listing more than two things, please separate it with commas. Let me show you:

(Original) I get up, and open the door, and guess who it is?

(Edited) I get up, open the door, and guess who it is?

Do you see what I'm talking about. You don't want it to be like I saw them and I gave them a hug and they said hi. People would actually stop reading a story if there is and after every word. Just make sure you fix those things. There weren't any spelling mistakes as I far as I saw.

Plot and Story Line: I can't really say anything about it because there is only one chapter up, but it seems like it's going to be really good. Just update more chapters!

I would give this a 7/10.

Notes

If I was a bit offensive, please tell me and I'll take your review down. I'm just being honest and giving you tips on what to do and what not to do. I'm trying to help you improve and that's my main goal of doing reviews. I'm not trying to be mean in anyway.