{{Harry}}


The feeling of emptyness hasn't left me for hours. I haven't tried to contact Louis at all. Something always stops me from doing so. Maybe it was the guilt or anger. Either way, he hasn't tried to do anything and it has been 3 days. I called Liam over since he is my best friend and although he always help me, right now he hasn't been quite helpful.
"Harry, just drop it. Break up with him. It seems like neither of you care since you're not doing anything to fix this." Break up with Louis? I'm not so sure. Yes, we haven't tried to sort this out but to break up with him? I'm not quite sure.
"But I love him so much. Ugh. This is all my fault. If I hadn't have yelled out that he was gay, he would still talk to me. I ruin everything." I always say something that ends up fucking up my relationships. I say things at the wrong time and I just don't know when to stop.
Liam looks at me with a disgusted face. I know he isn't happy with me but he should already know how I am. He has been dealing with me since year 5.
"Are you hearing yourself? Harry, are you even aware that Louis was fucking another girl? You say this is your fault but are you really going to try and convince yourself that he hasn't done anything? He fucking cheated on you! How are you going to let that go?"
I hesitated to answer and then I don't answer. Liam always puts some sense in my head. There's one thing I have to do. The thought of confronting Louis kind of scared me, but it must be done.
Δ

Standing outside of Louis house is making me so anxious but Liam tagged along to make me feel a little more comfortable. One things is for sure, I don't want to lose Louis. I know he fucked up but I love him too much to forget what we have. He has managed to make me so happy and he treats me so well. Louis is literally all I can ask for. I look over to Liam who is on his phone waiting for me to knock on the door. I decide to take my time and knock when I feel certain about this.
This is it. I'm ready and I'm not completely sure as to why I'm nervous but it's just making me anxious.

Louis' mum opened the door and now that I see she's home, I'm even more nervous.
"Harry! Good afternoon! Oh and you brought a friend. Hi i'm Johanna, Louis' mum. Louis is upstairs in his room as usual. I'll bring you boys some drinks in a few." She smiles at us and heads off to the kitchen.
Louis' parents don't know he's gay and neither do his sisters. The only ones that know are us and Liam. I'm not sure if Niall believed me or not along with the people at the party who were watching. Louis has been secretly gay since he found out. I'm not sure why but I haven't come out either. I wanted to come out with him but he said to wait until he's ready. Our parents just think we're best friends and they get along with each other pretty well.
I walk up the stairs and hear music coming from Louis room. I hope he isn't too upset when he see's me here. Maybe he'll even smile or hug me. Probably not though. I'd be upset with me too.
I knock on his door and I wonder if he even hears the knock. Until I heard the door knob jiggle.
He opens it slowly and doesnt even react when he see's me. I try to smile but I can't bring myself to it. It would make things awkward.
We don't speak until I decide to corrupt the silence between us.
"How much does a polar bear weigh?"
He looked confused but I guess he assumed it might be a pun. He looks up and answers, "Umm. I don't know. Do you know?"
I nod and make sure I don't smile after. "Enough to break the ice. Hii Louis."
He looked away but I could see a smile form on his face before he did.
I sit on a chair and clear my throat. This could end great, if I can try hard enough.
"What do you want Harry?" He finally says looking back at me.
I shrug," Just want to clear things up." I looked at Liam, who nodded at me to go on." Louis, for the past 3 days I have been blaming what happened at Nialls, on me. There's a problem with that, in which I just now saw. Thanks to Liam. I can't blame it all on me, If you're the one who cheated on me! That is complete bullshit.
Why? Why did you do it? Am I not good enough for you? Do you want to be with a girl? Am I just a sucky boyfriend? I'm sorry but then again I'm not."
He looked at me and I knew that he is going to come say shit to me too.
"I know i'm a shit person okay. But lets not fucking forget that you broke our stupid promise of not saying shit until i was comfortable. You practically told everyone and now they're going to hate me. Maybe you should learn to keep your mouth shut."
He has a point but my reasoning was much stronger than his. At least I wasnt the one who cheated. He made me look like a fool but he was the one acting like one.
"Well Sorry? It's not my fault you're gay. You can't deny it because you are! I don't understand. Are you ashamed to show the school that I'm with you? That I, the dorky and lame, Harry styles is dating superstar player Louis Tomlinson. Just come out with me! Show everyone that I'm yours."
He shook his head and seemed frustrated. That make's two of us then.
"Harry, I can't. I love you and all but if you cant accept it that I'm not comfortable then don't be with me."
I couldn't believe he was saying this. I just want us to be able to show that we love each other. He's making everything so frustrating. At this moment his mum was about to open the door but I had to get it out even if she heard me.
"Louis, accept that you're gay and that won't change. You cant hide it forever. If you loved me like the way you say you do, then you would come out to everyone and tell them you're gay."
We both heard his mum gasp and she looked at Louis. Her face was angry and a bit disappointed.
"You're gay? Louis, havent we taught you better? I'm disappointed in you and I thought I raised you well. I'm so ashamed Louis. No child of mine will be gay and we're going to help you get over that."
Her words shocked me the most.
She looked at me but this time differently than she did to Louis. Her voice had this anger in it and thsi wasn't going to be good.
"You. This is all you're fault. You made my son gay. Harry, I no longer wish to see you in my house or associating with him. Get out of my house. Now."
I look over to Louis with a face full of hurt and I can only say, "I'm so sorry."
He looked away but replied as well. "Sorry's dont always work. You're sorry isn't doing shit for me. Just go Harry."
I felt so hurt and by the both of them. I though Louis mum was such a perfect mum to have but I was wrong. She seemed calm then but after this, I'm not too sure. Liam and I left his house and I collapsed into tears. Perhaps it was because I wasn't sure what to do about Louis or how his mum hates me now.
"What now? Are you still going to try and keep Louis?" Liam asked in a soft whisper.
"I don't see the point in trying any more."

Notes