Show Me Where it Hurts

After the argument we had had the night before, I didn’t hold much hope of Harry even staying in our home. So when I came back through the door with Noah in his car-seat and Ivy holding onto my other hand the next day, only to see Harry, showered, shaven, and dressed, I was more than surprised.

“Hi.” He said, managing to awkwardly shift to help me with our little boy. I was sure I saw a smile flicker momentarily across his lips when he saw Noah, bundled in blankets and sleeping soundly.
“Hi.” I said, unsurely. Ivy held her hands up needily and Harry picked her up, her face buried in the crook of his neck. “Aren’t you leaving?”

Harry shifted from side to side and pressed a chaste kiss to Ivy’s mousey hair. “Do you want me to?”
“No.” My shoulders dropped.
“Then no.” He bit down on his lip and I couldn’t believe it when I saw Ivy grow limp in his arms and fall asleep. “I’m sorry, Annie. I’ve been selfish.”
“You’re hurting.” I concluded, making myself busy.
“But..” He chewed his cheek. I brought my eyes from his tan boots to his green eyes. “I would like us all to leave.”

I was confused and it showed. He gave me a weak smile.

“We need help, Annie.”
“We’re not getting a therapist.” I said, grumpily.
“No.. not a therapist. Well, not by official title. I think we need to be around people that love us for a while. I think we forget how young we are sometimes.”

I allowed him to continue. I wanted to see where it was going.

“I know that your mum and dad are worried about us. My mum is beside herself. But I think we need to go further than London or Holmes Chapel. So I called Cal and his L.A. house is freed up for the next two weeks. I thought we could stay with him, over there.” Harry’s eyes widened a little, the more he waited for my reaction. I flicked my hair behind my shoulder and bit down on my fingernail. Ivy’s snores filled the room as Harry took a seat with her, bringing her around to his lap.

Cal was Harry’s mentor. He idolised him somewhat. He took his word like the gospel, so it didn’t surprise me he wanted to go there. He’d be Harry’s therapist better than anyone with a PhD. Cal had always been so sweet and parental to me and Harry both, and the kids adored him.

“I don’t know, Harry. I’m holding it together now but it might be different when I’m out of my comfort zone.”
“I know, baby, and you’re doing amazing, so amazing.” He chewed his lip while he looked for his words. “I don’t know how you’re holding this all together and still being a mum to these two nightmares everyday. I’ve let you down.” He looked down at Ivy and glanced at Noah, like he was saying it to all of us. He enveloped Noah’s tiny exposed palm around his finger, gazing at him as he stirred.
“You haven’t let me down.” I defended, worried about how broken he was more than myself.
“I woke up this morning and thought of last night and how I spoke to you and, yeah. I just feel like a dick. I can’t believe I was so insensitive."

I was sure his voice was starting to crackle. I placed my delicate hand on the ripped knee of his jeans in reassurance. Drawing figures of eight over the exposed skin in reassurance.

“We’re a team. We can get through this.”
“I know. But we have a lot to overcome. It’s not going to be easy for me, for either of us to get over it. I feel like I need help, Annie, and I’m not ashamed of asking for it. We have so many people that want to be there for us right now and I think we should lock ourselves away with them. Your mum even dropped in while you were out. I felt so much better for seeing a friendly face.. someone to just make me a cup of tea and tell me we’d be alright. I know she’s beside herself with what happened to you but.. I wish I could be as strong as everyone else is being.” He shook his head, pressing his cheek in Ivy’s hair. I watched her face, growing older everyday. My sweet little Ivy was growing up, and I hated that these horrible events had distracted me from noticing it. The idea of a holiday away with people who would take care of us and the chance to watch my two babies together did seem enticing.
“You look so exhausted, Harry.” I wrapped my palm around his cheek and his eyes hooded as if to agree with me. I noticed the bags under his eyes and the grey tint of his cheeks. “I hate seeing you like this."

I traced my fingertip over his lips and he puckered to kiss them softly.

“Don’t worry about me, Annie. I just want us to be okay again. You to be okay again.” Harry’s frown was loving and sympathetic and there was nothing hating or judging behind them. Last night it had felt like I repulsed him, but I think he repulsed himself. He felt emasculated and like a failure. But he was none of those things to me. Sitting here, our little girl in his lap, telling me he wanted to rebuild me. He wanted to rehabilitate me. He’d put aside all of his emotional terrors to do that with me, and that’s when I realised I had my husband back.

“Is there any news on Will?” I dropped my eyes, the very mention of his name burning my lips like acid. Harry looked up at me and he knew I was actually asking him ‘are we safe?’
“They took him back in last night. Even if he gets out.. which I doubt, he can’t leave the country, Annie.“
“Do you think he’d ever.. come for the kids?” I felt like tearing my hair out at the idea, but it had been on my mind constantly.

Harry bit down on his lip, looking like he was having difficulty at answering me.

“Honestly, if he had the chance, then yes. But we’d never let him get the kids, Annie. I’m never letting them out of my sight.”
“God, fuck. If he ever..”
“He won’t. He’s going to prison for a long time, baby.” Harry smiled properly for the first time in days. “We’re all safe. We’ll keep these two safe, always.”
“You’d better book those flights.” I smiled in defeat. “We need a break."

Notes

woooooooahh.. what do you think Wills next move is, or is he done for good? Do you think anything else is going to hit H&A?