Show Me Where it Hurts

Harry and I had spent some amazing last few days together with Noah and Ivy in LA, and I don’t know how I let him convince me into finishing my trip off at The Standard Hotel’s Teen Vogue party, but we ended up there just the same.

I guess he had previously mentioned it to Cal and his wife, who had conveniently offered to take Ivy and Noah for the night, leaving Harry and I alone with no duties. Harry then conveniently took us both shopping and conveniently bought a fitted Burberry suit jacket and new shirt.

“That dress looks incredible on you, bug.” Harry turned his attention to me just as the car pulled into the back of the hotel. I took a deep breath, taking the few seconds to check the clasp of my watch, to feel the curls in my hair and hope they were still in place. But really all I was trying to do was steal a few more moments of comfort with Harry before the celebrity circus that waited outside of the passenger door kicked off.
“I don’t know if this is a good idea.” I said, biting down on my lip. I shot him a side glance, and his face was totally unbothered, calm.
“You look amazing, I look amazing, it’s your last night in LA, we’re at a beautiful hotel-“
“Will you stay with me all night?” I said, and then realised I sounded like a small child. Harry pushed an amused breath through his lips and sat forward, taking his hands in both of mine.
“Of course. We’ll have a laugh together. I promise we can sit together all evening and leave whenever you want.” He reached up and brushed the stray hairs away from my face, pausing as his gaze fell down to between my collarbones. “Where’d you get these?"

I looked down and saw he was holding the three initial charms of my necklace. H, I, N. Harry, Ivy, and Noah.

“I picked them up on Melrose. You think they’re tacky, don’t you?” I stuck out my bottom lip, remembering how Harry hated that sort of thing. The ‘Annie’ charm necklace I had worn on tour the first time I had ever met the band had quickly “gone missing” as soon as I moved in with Harry.
“No! No.. I think they’re really cute babe.” He grinned, the dimple in his right cheek present. “I’ll have to try and get some matching ones.”
“I love you.” I said, needing him more than ever tonight. Something about the magnificent humidity of the city, making his cheeks glow with a healthy, dewy tan. The way his shirt was perhaps one button undone too far, showing the peaks of his tattoos and the way his crucifix necklace fell gloriously between two defined abs.
“I love you too, Annie.” He said, seriously. He let an excited smile onto his face. “Come on."

The flashes didn’t even bother me tonight. My eyes were fixed on the way my hand was clasped in his as he walked in front of me, pulling me behind him as close as possible. When we made it to the lobby of the hotel and into the elevator, he looked at me for a second and brought me against his shoulder. His fingers fell through my hair and a chaste kiss was placed on top of it.

“I love this, I love us.” He guided my head further away so he could look into my face. “I never forget how lucky I am but when you kissed Noah and Ivy goodbye tonight in that red dress and took my hand and we walked to the car, I just.. how many 24 year olds have this? It’s perfect. We really ought to notice these things more.”
“We can’t notice them when we’re fighting each other.” I asserted.
“Exactly.” He said, just as the doors opened.

We were walked through a beautifully lit hall and out onto the rooftop. Harry and I had arrived earlier than most people, since we didn’t plan on staying our ridiculously late. Harry stayed true to his words. He brought me to the bar and sat beside me. He ordered two Martini’s and rested an arm on the bar, casually. As the place started to fill up, I could feel myself having to shout louder over the tones of the guests. It was probably also because Harry and I were three or four Martini’s in.

“Remember the last time you had four Martini’s?” Harry looked over his glass at me, taking a sip with dangerous eyes.
“No?” I said, honestly. I didn’t remember much of anything. Harry seemed to have a photographic memory.
“We had to leave because you couldn’t wait to get me into bed.” He played with the rings on the fingers of my left hand, pulling me closer by it and stealing kisses. I couldn’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl at his overly flirtatious, sexual nature.

“So what shall we talk about?” I said, feeling my voice grow a little slower and my eyes become a little more hooded.
“The first time we had sex.” Harry stood up and took us over to the balconies edge, pulling me against his hips, facing the party while all I could see was the beauty of the indigo blue skyline, and him. The only thing more beautiful than that skyline.
“You are ridiculously horny.” I smiled, but of course I was enjoying the juvenility of it all. I placed my Martini glass beside me and pressed my hands beside him.
“Were you scared?” He asked, smirking slightly.
“I don’t remember it. It was years ago.” I waved him off with my hand but then he took it in his and held it against his chest.
“I’m serious! I know you remember it and I want to know.” He wrapped his other arm tighter around my waist.

I looked up at him, thinking for a while.

“No, I wasn’t scared.”
“Had you thought about us before it happened?”
“No.” I said, honestly.
“I did.” He said.
“What did you think about?” I just wanted to hear him say it.
“You and us, having sex every moment of the day. Pulling my hair in a much different way to the way you did when you styled it everyday. You loving me like you loved.. him.”
“Harry,” I said, feeling the mood of the conversation drop. “Promise me you know how much I love you. You’re my best friend. My husband.”
“I know, bug.” He shrugged as if he was being silly. “Favourite moment of us so far?”
“Probably Christmas Eve, in Hampstead. The year we came back from tour, when we first got official. I’ll always remember sitting in your gym at like, six in the morning. Just sitting on your lap and feeling like I wanted to stay there forever. I fell in love with you, then.”

We were intoxicated, but it felt like the first time we had been honest with each other in months, years. We were telling each other how and why and what mattered about us the most to one another.

“When did you know?” I looked up at him and brushed my hand through his hair, taking his hand and standing beside him. I watched as his faced looked out across the party, deep in thought.
“When I had sex with you for the first time.” He said, like it was a real confession for him. I looked at him, partially shocked. That had been months before I had known myself.
“But-“
“I knew because in the morning, I didn’t want to leave you, and I shouldn’t have. But I was terrified of what you’d be like when you woke up. I worried so much about you regretting it and I thought for the longest time you did.” He laughed to himself. “But look who came crawling back."

He wiggled his eyebrows and closed the space between us, moving around so that I was facing out to the party, and he out to the sky. It blew my mind that for the first time, we had gone to a corporate event and, bar the editor of Teen Vogue, not spoken to a single person. Not one other celebrity. We had no interest. This might as well have been our bedroom. Nobody else existed except us.

“Lets go home.” Harry whispered, pulling away and bringing his lips to mine, warm and soft. “I want to be with you like the first time.” He said, and my heartbeat spiked at his deep voice, humming against my mouth.

We had made it home in record time, after practically romping in the back of the car we had taken. The fact I had had a few drinks lightened my anxiety at having sex for the first time since that tape. I hoped Harry would realise it was the first time too, and be sensitive about it.

“No, not in the house.” Harry said, as I had started to walk up to the front door. He looked to the right hand side, where the pool house was clearly visible. I assumed that the presence of our two children as well as another man and his wife was not appealing to Harry. He fumbled in his pocket for the keys that Cal had leant him, and eventually pulled out the right one. His movement was ninja like. I couldn’t help but laugh.

I placed my purse beside me on one of the loungers, my heartbeat erratic and terrified. In one sense it was exciting, it felt like the first time. In another it was annoying that I felt anxious about having sex with my husband.

Harry flicked on two lamps and I marvelled at the dome shaped ceiling above us, the sky still oddly light outside, although the sky was midnight. The stars must have brightened the place up.

“Are you cold?” He said, standing across the room, hands on hips, blazer tucked behind them both, looking me over with his eyes.

I shook my head no. “Come here.” I whispered, not wanting to ruin the tranquil moment with the loudness of my real speaking voice.

Harry was in front of me in two strides, sliding his jacket off and resting it on the next lounger. I held out my arm and scooted back a little, and he followed my lead. He brought himself down on top of me at snails pace, aware of every curve of my body, keeping one hand firmly placed beside my left hip. His shirt cuffs were pushed up onto his forearms, his belt discarded on the floor.

“This dress is perfect on you.” He marvelled again, and I made a mental note to wear it again. For that price, I was definitely going to. He brought his lips down to my lips and kissed softly, too softly, like he was holding back, scared of hurting me.

Harry reached beside me and tugged slow along the zip of my dress, his eyes not leaving mine as he did so. He must have noticed me biting my lip.
“It’s okay, An,” He assured, bringing the dress down my arms, down my legs. “I’ve got you, baby, it’s okay."

I tried to show him a small nod but instead showed my assurance by bringing him back up to my lips and kissing feverishly. I whipped my leg to wrap around the back of his thigh, grinding against him.

“We don’t have to, Annie,” Harry broke away from the kiss and looked down at me, clear his eyes were trying not to stare at my naked body beneath him. “If you’re not ready, I know-“
“Please, make love to me. I want to forget. Make it like the first time, like you said."

He blinked but his movements were ahead of him. He knelt back and slid off his jeans, bringing his lips back down to mine as soon as he possibly could, not wanting to spend unnecessary time away from them. He palmed my breast in his huge hand, and I felt completely at mercy to him. His hand moved slower than anything down my chest, my ribs, my navel. He stopped momentarily at the pit of my stomach, but then I felt him, his long fingers working their magic.

It didn’t take much of that for me to be trying to reach down to his boxer waistband, urgently needing them off. Harry smiled, trying not to be amused, but obliged to my demand.

“I’ve got you, alright?” He said, using his forearm to bring the hair from my face. He inhaled deeply as he lined himself up and pushed in. The sharp intake of breath I took almost caused me a coughing fit.

“Please don’t stop.” I whispered into his ear, hoping that he knew it wasn’t an option for him to. He breathed heavily against my neck as his hips met mine slowly. He brought both of his arms to hoist me up further onto the lounger, until he was completely on top of me and wrapped all around me.

“Jesus, Annie,” Harry had never looked at me so intently, his eyes scanning all over the places he wanted to kiss and his lips following shortly afterwards. “I’ve got you, I won’t let anything happen to you. Fuck, fuck.”

His strong, reassuring words made me feel even smaller beneath him and I loved the feeling of his large, tattooed arms so strongly around me. The sight made my arousal grow even more, alongside the way he was driving into me, so soft but so fast and full of passion, was sending me over the edge.

“Harry, shit,” I whimpered, wanting to tell him thank you, I need you, I love you, but unravelling and falling apart too much to form a coherent sentence. I pushed my fingers through his hair, damp with the heat and the sweat starting to form. Taking the curls from his face made his eyes even more passionate. He groaned and clenched his teeth shut, pulling me up and further along the bed, until we were resting upright, me on his lap, pushed between my legs, as I tried to hang onto my orgasm long enough for him to enjoy me dominating.

There was no more dialogue exchanged between us as I held his face, cupped in my hands, kisses being stolen from his damp face every now and then. When I felt myself go, his hand pressed against me, massaging me mercilessly, all I could do was incoherently mumble and whine to myself. Even when we had both come down from our highs and his head was resting against my chest and we were fatigued and sweaty all I could think was, I had never felt so alive. Harry and I were fixing things, slowly but surely, just in time for us to go home and rebuild our lives together, without Will. I wished that he could see that his work had done nothing. He would never split Harry and I apart.

He’d have to kill us first.

Notes

Well there you have it. It’s all gone back to paradise.. sorry for the wait, my exams are in full swing so it’s lucky I’ve stolen some time late at night to write lol. xa