‘Teach me how I should forget to think’

Laila’s POV

As soon as I told him those words I regretted it, even though he told me he feels the same way as I do. It’s not about a kiss anymore; it’s about feelings I can’t control. I met him on monday and I’m falling for him already. This is too much of an emotional roller coaster ride.

I almost could not sleep that night, a thousand times more nervous than before his call. I had so many questions. Everything seemed so perfect, so orchestrated I doubted my senses.

Is this what you feel when you think you find your soulmate? Is this what I’m supposed to feel? Is this little all you need to fall in love with a complete stranger? Just to look into his soul? Just to sense he’s made of your same substance? Is that all you need and there’s no coming back? Can I forswear I’ve seen the cosmos in his eyes when we first glanced at each other? Can I forswear I’ve seen the future, that some inner voice told me that was it?

This mind. This romantic, hyperactive, overthinking mind of mine won’t definitely let me sleep until saturday.

Next day I was almost late to our first lecture. I rushed through the hallways and when I reached the classroom everyone was still outside. I looked for Bernie but she was nowhere in sight. Then, holding my breath, I looked for Harry. He was leaning on a wall talking to some girl. As he saw me walking on his direction he immediately straightened up. The girl, that I could see was our classmate Marianne, turned towards me and greeted me kindly. Harry’s attitude was so relaxed. He caught me by the arm and with a fast movement he pulled me a bit towards him. With a charming smile on his face he leant down and gave me a soft kiss in the corner of my mouth as if it was the most normal thing to do. I shuddered violently. But I liked it. Perhaps he’s not an overthinking, almost obsessive person as I am. Maybe we could balance each other out.

Bernie returned from the toilets and we altogether entered the classroom. We took seat on our usual places and Marianne sat next to her. Harry sat right next to me, no spot between the two of us, and the lecture began. Eventually all through the lesson, our elbows slightly grazed against each other, and every time I felt some sort of electric discharge running throughout my body. I could literally see the goosebumps he gave me. He must have noticed them too. Finally, at some point, he just let his arm touching mine and we remained sharing the most ingenue physical contact until the end of the lecture.

When the break came Harry gave me a quick kiss in the corner of my mouth and then walked off to the Library. Bernie couldn’t understand a thing, so we went to the toilets to talk.

“So, not only he fancies you, he also solemnly admitted he’s falling for you…” She muttered, sitting on the washbasin.

“Is that a question, Bernie? I’m telling you what happened,” I said.

“And I understand, but I’m quite amazed…–––she laughed. Now I get that suggestive kiss he just gave you,” she said flicking her hand at me.

“He keeps doing that from this morning–––I explained. He did it in front of Marianne and the rest of our classmates.”

“This is good, Laila. I’m so happy for you…” She said with a board smile on her face. I felt happy myself, but I couldn’t completely enjoy the feeling. “But what seems to be the problem, honey?” She asked, concerned, as I looked down.

“We are rushing in…” I mumbled.

“I know what I told you before, Laila–––she spoke. But, please, quit that attitude. There’s only one life to live. I know it’s snotty, but it’s also true,” she insisted.

“And what seems to be your problem?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Marianne just told me Harry invited her to the party on saturday…” She said and I felt my ears burn.

“What did he do?–––I snapped, stepping forward. He barely knows her!” I didn’t know what to think. It didn’t make any sense.

“Not in that way, Laila–––she carried on as she saw my face. Don’t worry. He wants only you.” Her words made me feel a bit better. “But she’s pretty…–––she explained looking at her hands nervously. I’m worried about Zayn. What if he fancies her?” She asked quite annoyed.

“Oh, Bernie. This is worse than I thought! You fancy him so!” I exclaimed.

“I do–––she mumbled. I’m counting the days to see him again. I hope he texts me today…”

“I’m sure he likes you, Bernie,” I said smiling reassuringly and brushing some strands of her hair.

“What if he doesn’t?” She asked, still insecure.

“So you make him like you,” I told her and sounded just like Georgiana. I couldn’t repress a giggle.

“Oh, yes, you’re right. Look at the time!–––she exclaimed as she watched her mobile. We have to hurry up if we don’t want to be late for Miss Franzen.”

“I wish we haven’t that seminar today. I don’t even want to see her…” I grumbled leaning against the wall.

“Something happened the other day?” Bernie asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m mental but I felt some strange energy from her, but something personal this time,” I said annoyed and Bernie gave me a sympathetic look. “I can’t tell what exactly, but I didn’t quite like it.”

“Well, she’s not very fond of you since that day on our first year when you showed her up in front of everyone–––she observed. The ‘you got the wrong quote’ incident.” She bursted into laughs as she finished to speak.

“But it wasn’t on purpose…” I tried to explain myself. It wasn’t. She quoted Byron wrong and I just pointed it at her. We are supposed to be accurate… I felt almost angry at Bernie convulsing over her cackles.

“It seems she’s a bit resentful–––Bernie said between laughs. You know she’s Hebrew and her people is known to have a very good memory.”

“That is the most politically incorrect remark I heard you say in a long time–––I observed acting crossed at her to make my point clear. But you better watch your tongue, missy, because Zayn is Muslim and I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy any religious remark.”

“Of course he’s Muslim and I’m willing to embrace his faith…” She mocked me.

“See? You did it again.”

With Bernie by my side I felt quite secure to face Miss Franzen. She seemed a little more restrained towards me, but glared at me from time to time. Harry was sort of absent the entire time, looking down and scribbling on his notebook. I tried to be discreet but my heart jumped on my chest as he inadvertently turned the pages and I glimpsed my name written on it with the most exquisite calligraphy. My mind was about to explode. He must have written it on thursday.

The rest of the week elapsed in that same strange normality Harry and I had reached. Kisses on the corner of the mouth, afternoon phone calls, plenty of talking about literature and things we love, but not a specific conversation about us. Not even a single word was spoken on the subject. And no proper kiss on the lips. It seems we are both desperately hoping for saturday to have our moment together, and saturday has almost just arrived.

–.–.–

Harry’s POV

“Oh, I’d love to come, Harry. Is this a date?” Marianne asked. Did I sound like I was asking her out? Was I that sleepy? I tried not to offend her by controlling my sudden discomfort.

“I’m so sorry, Marianne, if I expressed myself wrong. I’m sort of dating Laila…–––I explained. What I meant was if you want to join us and meet my friends. They are fine lads.”

“It’s OK, Harry–––she laughed. I just wanted to be sure. I had the impression that you two have something going on, you know.” Perhaps I misinterpreted her and she is actually cool.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked trying to hide a smile.

“Yes, it’s quite obvious,” she said and soon realised my attitude has changed. Laila was walking towards us, gorgeous in that deep blue dress, and the only thing I could think about was to hold her in my arms and kiss her. I knew she grew distant on the phone after what she said, but she just could not take it back. “Good morning, Laila,” Marianne said tipsily turning on her direction. Before Laila could answer, I could contain myself no more and kissed her on the cheek slightly grazing the corner of her soft, full lips. Marianne giggled at us.

“Good morning, Marianne–––Laila mumbled. Have you seen Bernie?” She said trying to act normal but she was blushing intensely. Her skin was so smooth and she smelled like fresh lavender.

“She’s at the toilets–––Marianne said. Oh, look, here she comes.”

“Nice. The lecture is about to start.”

–.–.–

I felt ecstatic throughout the morning. It was like the first time, glimpsing at Laila all of the time while she tried hard to ignore me, but she failed spectacularly. She kept that adorable little smirk on the centre of her lips. All I wanted to do was to take her to an empty classroom and give her the kiss I am so impatient for. But I had already told myself I was letting her set the pace, so I needed to control myself and hope for saturday.

My mood decreased as it was time to attend Shakespeare’s seminar. Although Miss Franzen acted almost normal towards Laila I felt uncomfortable. Some inner voice told me there was a prior rivalry between the two of them, but also there was something else, and I kept feeling guilty about it. Perhaps it was pretentious of me, but I couldn’t help it. The glances Miss Franzen sent me were more than evident. She could speak to me in a harsh tone, but that attitude only reinforced the first sensation I had from her. I tried to ignore her but it was difficult when, at some point near the end of the lesson, she addressed directly to me.

“As you began your semester late, Mister Styles–––she said with her glasses on the tip of her nose, and maybe you haven’t seen the announcement board at the English Department nor haven’t been told by any friend yet…” She spoke looking towards Laila, that shuddered on her seat. “And I take the opportunity to repeat the information to all your classmates–––she carried on, we have open a position for an undergraduate researcher. Maybe you are interested, based on your CV…”

“Thank you,” I said firmly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have it in mind,” Laila mumbled on my ear, making me chill. “Are you going to apply?”

“I don’t know…” I muttered.

–.–.–

It is an opportunity. It is, for a fact. I can’t act based on presumptions or suppositions. This is too important, the beginning of a career I already jeopardise by transferring university and quitting the research I was doing at Manchester… And maybe I won’t even get the position.

“What do you think? Wouldn’t it be odd?” I asked Laila about it on tuesday.

“No, why?” She answered, puzzled by my doubts. She didn’t seem aware of Miss Franzen’s attitude towards me. Well, that surely was a good thing.

“So why don’t you apply yourself?” I questioned her. I was getting really curious about their rivalry.

“Because I’m already researching with Professor Hathaway and I can’t join another one until we finish,” she explained carelessly.

“Are you researching with him?–––I asked, frankly impressed. Wow, that is big. Literary Theory?”

“Yes. Non-canonical genres. Fan fictions, mostly…” She said, shrugging her shoulders as if it was nothing of importance.

“Well, that sounds almost postmodern…” I pointed out smirking, waiting on her reaction.

“Well, it is not–––she firmly claimed. We’re making a structural analysis of the phenomenon. It’s quite cool, you know? Plenty of tables and charts.”

“Are you a structuralist?” I asked, quite amazed.

“Why? Don’t you love structuralism?” She mocked me.

Laila seemed strangely fine about the position. Perhaps I have taken my assumptions out of proportion and I really need to consider this.

–.–.–

Notes

Harry Styles, don't even think about it! You better stay away from that Miss Franzen lady!

Next Chapter: The party!!! Don't miss it!

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