I Thought You'd Care
Chapter 6: Forgiveness
Chapter 6: Forgiveness
Zayn’s POV
I honestly couldn’t believe it when they walked in. I had expected Harry back, though not for at least another forty five minutes, as Niall had told me that her house was a ways away, but I hadn’t expected Nell to come with him. I didn’t know if I was ready to face her, as horrible as that sounds. I was embarrassed at what I had done to her, and when I thought about it I got a sour feeling in my stomach. As they entered the flat and closed the door, Niall went up and hugged her, as did Liam and Louis, each whispering their respective “hellos” and “I’m sorrys”. Niall lingered perhaps a bit too long, but I didn’t think much of it. I could tell Harry was a bit interested in her, and he always won. I just sat on the couch, my head in my hands, while she sat across from me. I could tell there was fear in her eyes, and I hated that I had created that.
The boys all filed out of the room, as if on cue: they all knew I wanted to apologize to her alone, and the only way I would have the balls to do it would be if I was alone. As Niall was leaving, he went over to her and squeezed her hand, whispering a few encouraging words to her. She nodded, and I wondered if perhaps he would be more of a contender in this installment of Harry and Niall’s ‘Battle for the Girl’ which they seemed to wage quite often. She liked him, there was no doubt about it.
I didn’t even bother with a greeting. “I’m so sorry, Nell.” I said. I mustered the courage to look her in the eyes. I was going to be a man about this, not a child, like I had been when I had decided to bully her. “I’m more sorry about saying those things about you than I have been about anything in my entire life.” Her eyes studied me, and I wanted desperately to pull away, but she deserved more than that. “I’m not going to try to justify it at all, because there is no fair reason for it. I just want you to know that I wish I had never said anything, and I’m sorry for what I did say. I know that I hurt you, and I want to fix the hurt. And I hope that by going away I eased the burden a little bit. And also, I admire that you never once said anything bad about me. You’re a far better person than me, Nell. You didn’t have an easy time, and I tormented you, and I’m sorry.”
She was quiet for a moment. She never once took her eyes off mine. “I accept your apology.” I exhaled deeply. I hadn’t even realized that I had been holding my breath, but her forgiveness really meant a lot to me. “I really do. It’s okay, Zayn. It’s been three years, and you’re a different person, from what Harry’s said and from what I’ve seen. Before we can go back to being friends—I hope—can I just ask why you did what you did? That’s what I never understood. I could never find out why you said those things.”
I sighed. This was a long and complicated answer, but it was one that she most definitely deserved. “I was hurt when you said that we should stop being friends. I wanted a way to get back at you and hurt you like you did to me. It was stupid, I know. I should have tried, at least once, to help you, to get you to be my friend again.”
“I told you I didn’t want to be friends anymore because I was embarrassed. You knew so much about my fucked up family and I was afraid that you wouldn’t like me because of it. When I said that, I never honestly thought that you would take it to heart—I thought you would realize that it was a plea for help.”
“I’m sorry.” I said. “Can we be friends again? Because I’ve missed you like crazy. I don’t give two shits about how fucked your family is. You’re an amazing person, and me and the guys really want you to be in our lives. And that’s the truth.”
“Yeah, Zayn. Because, to be honest, I’ve missed you too. The old you, I mean. So I forgive you. We’re okay. Let’s just forget it and move on, eh?”
“I cannot believe that you just forgave me like that. Not that I’m ungrateful—you’re just going around again, proving how good of a person you are.”
She got up and hugged me, the kind of hug that just made you feel loved. She had that effect on people. Everyone just seemed to like her because she made you feel worth something. “Okay,” she said, as we released. “We should go get the rest of the guys. Because I’m starving and I have a craving to destroy them at FIFA.”
Zayn’s POV
I honestly couldn’t believe it when they walked in. I had expected Harry back, though not for at least another forty five minutes, as Niall had told me that her house was a ways away, but I hadn’t expected Nell to come with him. I didn’t know if I was ready to face her, as horrible as that sounds. I was embarrassed at what I had done to her, and when I thought about it I got a sour feeling in my stomach. As they entered the flat and closed the door, Niall went up and hugged her, as did Liam and Louis, each whispering their respective “hellos” and “I’m sorrys”. Niall lingered perhaps a bit too long, but I didn’t think much of it. I could tell Harry was a bit interested in her, and he always won. I just sat on the couch, my head in my hands, while she sat across from me. I could tell there was fear in her eyes, and I hated that I had created that.
The boys all filed out of the room, as if on cue: they all knew I wanted to apologize to her alone, and the only way I would have the balls to do it would be if I was alone. As Niall was leaving, he went over to her and squeezed her hand, whispering a few encouraging words to her. She nodded, and I wondered if perhaps he would be more of a contender in this installment of Harry and Niall’s ‘Battle for the Girl’ which they seemed to wage quite often. She liked him, there was no doubt about it.
I didn’t even bother with a greeting. “I’m so sorry, Nell.” I said. I mustered the courage to look her in the eyes. I was going to be a man about this, not a child, like I had been when I had decided to bully her. “I’m more sorry about saying those things about you than I have been about anything in my entire life.” Her eyes studied me, and I wanted desperately to pull away, but she deserved more than that. “I’m not going to try to justify it at all, because there is no fair reason for it. I just want you to know that I wish I had never said anything, and I’m sorry for what I did say. I know that I hurt you, and I want to fix the hurt. And I hope that by going away I eased the burden a little bit. And also, I admire that you never once said anything bad about me. You’re a far better person than me, Nell. You didn’t have an easy time, and I tormented you, and I’m sorry.”
She was quiet for a moment. She never once took her eyes off mine. “I accept your apology.” I exhaled deeply. I hadn’t even realized that I had been holding my breath, but her forgiveness really meant a lot to me. “I really do. It’s okay, Zayn. It’s been three years, and you’re a different person, from what Harry’s said and from what I’ve seen. Before we can go back to being friends—I hope—can I just ask why you did what you did? That’s what I never understood. I could never find out why you said those things.”
I sighed. This was a long and complicated answer, but it was one that she most definitely deserved. “I was hurt when you said that we should stop being friends. I wanted a way to get back at you and hurt you like you did to me. It was stupid, I know. I should have tried, at least once, to help you, to get you to be my friend again.”
“I told you I didn’t want to be friends anymore because I was embarrassed. You knew so much about my fucked up family and I was afraid that you wouldn’t like me because of it. When I said that, I never honestly thought that you would take it to heart—I thought you would realize that it was a plea for help.”
“I’m sorry.” I said. “Can we be friends again? Because I’ve missed you like crazy. I don’t give two shits about how fucked your family is. You’re an amazing person, and me and the guys really want you to be in our lives. And that’s the truth.”
“Yeah, Zayn. Because, to be honest, I’ve missed you too. The old you, I mean. So I forgive you. We’re okay. Let’s just forget it and move on, eh?”
“I cannot believe that you just forgave me like that. Not that I’m ungrateful—you’re just going around again, proving how good of a person you are.”
She got up and hugged me, the kind of hug that just made you feel loved. She had that effect on people. Everyone just seemed to like her because she made you feel worth something. “Okay,” she said, as we released. “We should go get the rest of the guys. Because I’m starving and I have a craving to destroy them at FIFA.”
8/19/13