I Thought You'd Care
Chapter 36: Oh.
Chapter 36: Oh.
Nell’s POV
Harry and I had been sitting at Greg’s headstone for almost an hour, now. He was sitting behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I was content just sitting there with him, but I was worried that he probably wanted to leave. “Harry, you can go whenever you want. I’m probably going to spend all night here.”
“I guess I’m spending all night here, too.” He answered. I sighed and fell back into his chest again. It occurred to me that we looked ridiculously coupley, but I didn’t really care at this point.
“How did I manage to make such amazing friends?” I drew circles on his hand with my index finger. He scooted closer to me.
“Oh, so Niall’s just a friend, huh?”
“I…yeah.”
“Then why did you sleep with him?”
I sighed. I really had no desire for this interrogation, especially not here, but I knew that I was toying with both of them, and I should probably start being honest. “Because I like him, but I don’t want a boyfriend. Because I’m stupid. I don’t know. Take your pick.”
“You have to stop if you’re not going to actually date him, you know. You’re killing him.”
“I know, Harry.”
“You’re also killing me.” My ears perked up at that.
“Why?” I asked tentatively.
“Because I like you. I like you a lot. I think about you all the time, and I keep waking up wishing that you would just stop doing what you’re doing. You make me feel like you actually like me, but then you turn around and sleep with Niall and leave me in the dust wondering what I’ve done wrong.”
I didn’t speak for a while. “I’m going to be completely honest right now. And listen up, Curly, because it might not happen again. I’m really confused about everything, to be honest. I like Niall a lot, like more than maybe anyone, but I just…I’m trying to stay away from him. But I also like you a lot, like a lot, and I also think about you all the time, and, to answer what you’re thinking, I do think about sleeping with you, because I get the feeling that you’re very good in bed. Wow, I sound like such a whore. Anyways, I’m not really sure what I feel, but I can’t pinpoint it but I’m trying to.”
Silence.
“And maybe I should just take a break from you guys so I don’t hurt you again, and I don’t hurt myself again, and then I’ll know exactly what I’m feeling.” I finished.
“Well, we’ll be gone soon enough. You’ll have time during the tour.” My heart dropped.
“What tour?”
“The one in August? It runs two months, it’s around America.”
“I didn’t know about the tour.”
“Oh. Uh, Niall didn’t tell you?” I shook my head. “Neither did Liam?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, it’s not a secret or anything. I thought you knew.”
“No.”
“You didn’t see it online?”
“I don’t really look things up about you lads online.”
“Oh.” I lay back into Harry and sat staring at Greg’s name, engraved in the dull gray. I knew that I should be happy about that. I should be glad that they would be gone and I would have time to sort my feelings out. But try as I might, I couldn’t get excited about not being able to see them for a full eight weeks.
Nell’s POV
Harry and I had been sitting at Greg’s headstone for almost an hour, now. He was sitting behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I was content just sitting there with him, but I was worried that he probably wanted to leave. “Harry, you can go whenever you want. I’m probably going to spend all night here.”
“I guess I’m spending all night here, too.” He answered. I sighed and fell back into his chest again. It occurred to me that we looked ridiculously coupley, but I didn’t really care at this point.
“How did I manage to make such amazing friends?” I drew circles on his hand with my index finger. He scooted closer to me.
“Oh, so Niall’s just a friend, huh?”
“I…yeah.”
“Then why did you sleep with him?”
I sighed. I really had no desire for this interrogation, especially not here, but I knew that I was toying with both of them, and I should probably start being honest. “Because I like him, but I don’t want a boyfriend. Because I’m stupid. I don’t know. Take your pick.”
“You have to stop if you’re not going to actually date him, you know. You’re killing him.”
“I know, Harry.”
“You’re also killing me.” My ears perked up at that.
“Why?” I asked tentatively.
“Because I like you. I like you a lot. I think about you all the time, and I keep waking up wishing that you would just stop doing what you’re doing. You make me feel like you actually like me, but then you turn around and sleep with Niall and leave me in the dust wondering what I’ve done wrong.”
I didn’t speak for a while. “I’m going to be completely honest right now. And listen up, Curly, because it might not happen again. I’m really confused about everything, to be honest. I like Niall a lot, like more than maybe anyone, but I just…I’m trying to stay away from him. But I also like you a lot, like a lot, and I also think about you all the time, and, to answer what you’re thinking, I do think about sleeping with you, because I get the feeling that you’re very good in bed. Wow, I sound like such a whore. Anyways, I’m not really sure what I feel, but I can’t pinpoint it but I’m trying to.”
Silence.
“And maybe I should just take a break from you guys so I don’t hurt you again, and I don’t hurt myself again, and then I’ll know exactly what I’m feeling.” I finished.
“Well, we’ll be gone soon enough. You’ll have time during the tour.” My heart dropped.
“What tour?”
“The one in August? It runs two months, it’s around America.”
“I didn’t know about the tour.”
“Oh. Uh, Niall didn’t tell you?” I shook my head. “Neither did Liam?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, it’s not a secret or anything. I thought you knew.”
“No.”
“You didn’t see it online?”
“I don’t really look things up about you lads online.”
“Oh.” I lay back into Harry and sat staring at Greg’s name, engraved in the dull gray. I knew that I should be happy about that. I should be glad that they would be gone and I would have time to sort my feelings out. But try as I might, I couldn’t get excited about not being able to see them for a full eight weeks.
8/19/13