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LOST AND STILL FINDING(larry stylinson)

chapter 18*

LOUIS’ P.O.V

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you


My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind


'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard


'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

The music woke me up today. These sounds got me awake at 7 in the morning. It was sweet although but the sudden sweet music coming from the hall was something distracting.
I step out of bed and walked to the hallway rubbing my eyes and trying to open them wide. The hall was empty though. I wonder what was harry upto.

He played the music here and he was nowhere to be seen. Even the balcony doors were shut. Maybe he went back to sleep? I walk over to the hallway and looked over to his room door. It was slightly open. I walk to his door as I peep in before knocking. I see him seated on his bed busy writing something in a small diary or something. It had a brown leather cover and some drawing over it, that is what I could only see from the distance I was standing away.

“gudmorning harry” I say as I enter the room. He immediately shuts his diary and keeps it aside. I knew it, it was his journal.

“gudmorning Louis. You awake so early?” he frowns but there's a smile. forceful it seems.

“your music helped me” I nod at him smiling.

“ohh..” he says as he got up from bed to keep his diary in the cupboard, but I did not know where he did really keep it. He came back and took his place back again.

“may i?” I ask him if I could sit on his bed.

“yeah sure..you did not have to ask me that. You live here and its time you stop taking permissions and get comfortable with every little thing” he tells me.

“okay. I will…and what was that you kept in your cupboard so hurriedly?” i like had the guts to ask him that.

“oh that..that was just something private” harry tells me stuttering a bit.

“I guessed” I tell him.

Right now I was just sitting in front of him facing him my side. I was sitting there glancing over things in his room how they were so orderly placed and my eyes went all over the room looking here and there and finally stopped when I looked at harry’s tattoos on his arms, his chest tattoos weren’t visible coz he was wearing a tank top .

“do these tattoos have a meaning? Like each single one of them?” I ask him, coz he really got me thinking though his face looked pale from the last time I saw it. And his eyes looked more puffy.

“yeah..yeah..uh each single one of them means something different to me” he shrugs lightly.

“oh..sounds interesting…” as I was looking down on the tattoos on his arm my eyes stopped at a fresh cut on his arm from where I could see the bruise just getting sore and some of the cuts were even bleeding a little bit. My eyes immediately shot wide open and the shifted to his other arm which had more cuts which too were fresh. I choked on my breath as I started to cough real badly seated in front of him. I did not really know what to do as harry handed me a glass of water.

“are you okay?” he asks me worried as he patted and soothed my back.
Right now I just wanted to punch him on his face and ask him the same question back but somehow I kept my calm and thanked him for the water as I walked out of the room and ran to my room. I heard harry calling me from behind but I really did not listen to him as I shut the door and went and sat on my bed.

I was so angry right now. I could just beat the shit out of harry for doing this again. I wonder why he looked so pale again. Not even harry, if it was even somebody else i saw right now I would just beat them up. I was soo furious right now. but I had to get myself normal and act as if I didn’t notice this. I had to behave normal again. I got up and went into the bathroom to take a long warm shower.

During all this I realized I had a new job and I’d be working under Harry Styles. God why the hell did I choose that? I was now regretting my newly made decision real bad. I thought of going to harry and telling him that I was going to quit and he could go and find someone else. This can’t happen. I am not working with him now. I know all the time its going to be so uncomfortable with him as he’ll always be in front of me and I’d be answerable to him.


it weird somehow when i wnt to stare at him all day long and not move for a second but at the same time i do not want to work with him. its just not possible.

Everything we’ll be doing together. No this can’t be. I’m quitting. I’m done. No no no.

During the whole shower my thoughts were just busy with how am I going to tell him about me taking a step back and what would be a perfect excuse to convince him and he’d let me leave.

After like spending an hour and fighting with myself I finally got out of my room and headed to find harry who I think was in the kitchen preparing some food. I walked to the kitchen and tried to gather some courage so that I could tell him. I know for a person like me who doesn’t care for anything in the world and says anything even without a care it should not have been so difficult to just tell harry about it but uhh it just did feel something difficult.

When harry saw me standing there with such an expression he asked me, “do you need something?”

“no….uh I just wanted to tell you something” I start to say.

“I’m here tell me” he says as he was still busy with cooking something.

“you know about the whole new job think I thought I could….”
The door bell rang and it broke my entire thought process and everything.

“hey lou can you-you just go ….um I’m busy here. Plz could you?” he pleads.

“yeah yeah yeah…” I tell him . that door bell really pissed me off and the hell with the man who was on the door.

I walked throught the corridor and finally I was at the door unlocking and twisting the knob as I opened the door and oh god who do I see standing there in front of me. I totally kind of freaked out inside and I also could’ve choked on my breath but I heard harry standing beside me wiping his hands off the apron as he welcomed Ed Sheeran. He entered in and I shut the door behind him as I was standing there and staring at the two guys talking and joking and hitting each other like they met after a long time. I just stood there awkwardly until Harry noticed me. wow.

“oh uh uh Ed here you should meet my new friend Louis Tomlinson.” Harry tells him as ed gestures for a hand shake.

I shook ed’s hand but I really did not know what to say right now coz I was so happy inside but I just couldn’t jump like that.

“it's nice to meet you” he says

“yeah --you too” I reply a bit stuttering. What else would have I said?

“and- and Ed he’s our new pianist too after our old friend left us” he informs him.

“that’ll be great I guess..i’m sure he’s another best man who plays it real well..at last it your choice harry” ed says as he talks to me and I just smile back.

“you’ll just have to check it out yourself” I say .

“hey hey Ed can you just go to music room and get all the papers and some sheets. I’ve written some lines out..you could go through them…till then I’ll just finish my food and stuff”
I see Ed heading to that huge room which was at the end of the hallway.

“harry have you been up all night writing songs?” I ask coz that was another surprise I got from him today after I saw those scars. God they were real scary this time.

“yeah I was” he nods in continuation.

“oh..you know you could’ve got me up too..u know I could’ve practiced some piano thingy” oops wait. I was just going to quit and here now Ed is here harry’s almost ready with the songs I guess and in 10 minutes I guess we’ll be heading off to the office.
Gosh. I’m done. Nothing cant be done now. I’m stuck here.

Right now I wanted to pull my hair off their roots or rip off all the cushions that lied on the couch.
But I couldn’t even do that. They would cost a lot and I guess my salary wouldn’t be enough to even replace the cushion.

“harry could you help me with these sheets..they’re all so messed up…did you sleep in between while writing the songs coz you're handwriting seems trembled up a bit.?” ed screams out from the music room.

“hey Louis could you just see what he needs…I’m be there in a minute..just let me finish this?” harry asks me.

“okay. I’ll go see” I tell him as I walked to the room.

“oh my gosh..what the hell is this?” I say as I see the status of the table where he told me he kept his sheets and stuff. The sheets were all jumbled up and lying there as if somebody purposely mixed them all up. Some even were scribbled so hard that the sheet just tore off in between. Some of them were on the floor and some were rolled up into a ball. gosh . That scene was really terrible. There was even ink spilled over some pages. What was he really upto?

Ed was staring at me and looking for an answer to that situation but I just shrugged.

“harry. I think you should see for yourself” I call out for him shouting from the room so that he could hear me.

“okay I’ll be there.” He shouts back. I could really imagine what he would be doing all night here coz he was up the whole night and that could be seen on his face and those wrists. Jesus. its-its horrible to even imagine whats going inside his head whats going inside him.

“hey. Whats the problem here u two?" he says as he enters the room and suddenly got embarrassed when he saw the shit he’d done on the desk and all over the place. The place looked like some birds flew here and just flapped and flapped and every piece of paper just flew.

“uh—my fault. Sorry guys. I’ll just clean it up. don't worry Ed I’ll find you your songs.” He says as he hurries to pick every thing up and clear it up. I move forward to help him up with it so did ed.

When we were done harry thanks us and told us to be seated in for the breakfast he cooked.

We got ourself seated on the dinning and harry came back.


HARRY’S p,o,v
“How in the world I couldn’t remember cleaning that mess I made last night?” I say to myself as I stood by the sink staring at myself in the mirror as I locked myself in the bathroom.

“u know actually what? U know only how to mess things up and nothing else.”

“you should just try sometimes not troubling others and keep things to yourself. You’re not a kid anymore harry”

“do you understand a bit of this ? will you ever? How many times do you think this world will give you a chance everytime you screw up harry?”

“I think its about time ? you should start not to trouble others and help yourself?”
i whispered gritting my teeth. or maybe my subconscious did.

I really wanted to hit myself on the face. Why do I have to embarrass myself every time.
I bend down and washed my face with the cold water flowing from the tap. It helped me relieve myself a bit but inside it was hurting. Those cuts I made last night were a bit more sore from the water that traveled and got them burning again. It was paining but it somehow made me feel a bit bittersweet inside.

I wiped my face as got out of the bathroom and walked over to the dinning where I saw Louis and Ed already seated and chit chatting away as they were busy with themselves. The way Louis told me he would be so happy to meet Ed that day..i think he sure had some pills to control his behavior right now.

It was funny to watch him sit so restless in his seat as I served them the food and took my seat too.

“hey Ed you know. From the time I’ve told lou about you coming over. He’s been so excited and look at him now.” I tell ed.

At this point I saw louis staring at me so furiously and I perfectly knew the reason why.

“yeah. I noticed it. The way he’s been so uncomfortable all the time,not that it has been much time”

“I’m totally fine if you guys are done with your thing” he tells us completely making us think that he was normal.
I knew this thing meeting all new people up is going to be not so easy with him all the way but I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Notes

a new chap here. yay!!! really appreciate you guys liking my thing!!
comment, vote and subscribe.!!!

Comments

Hi guys, if you are reading this fiction, please continue reading it on the new user id I have created. Which is "Boomelouu". The old one is "boomelou" The one I am using now. I shall be continuing the story there.

thankyou for all the love and support!

Boomelouu Boomelouu
6/5/20

@LizzyM101
thanks for reading and staying!

boomelou boomelou
2/9/19

@AlexxStylinosn28
Well, it has been the death of me!

boomelou boomelou
2/9/19

JASLKDJGFLSKDJG these 119 chapters are gonna be the reason i fail schools,m fkjsdhabfkljsadhgf

AlexxStylinosn28 AlexxStylinosn28
12/13/18

@boomelou
I should be thanking you for writing such an interesting story. I love how its so unique and not like the other typical stories on this site. There much more depth to it. The chapters always keep me on my toes. PS I love love this chapter and Harry is trying to be brave and intimate with Louis.

LizzyM101 LizzyM101
12/3/17