“Maloryyyyyyyyy.”
The sound of my drunk father’s voice ran chills down my spine. Just in the tone of his voice, I could tell what was to come. He was still downstairs, so I whispered through one of the cracks in the closet door.
“Louis, if you say a word, or make any noise at all, I’ll literally be killed.” I whispered urgently.
I snatched my skirt from the floor, pulling it on quickly, running to my bed.
Maybe if I pretend to be asleep, he won’t bother me.
Yeah, right.
But I did it anyways. I shut off all of the lights, and crawled into my bed, under the think duvet, even though I was already sweating. I tried to steady my breathing, but I couldn’t. My heart was pounding out of my chest, my hands shaking. I was terrified of my father, and nights like these made me realize why I tried to deal with my mom’s craziness.
The worst part of it all? Louis was in my closet, about to watch it all happen.
I squeezed my eyes shut, hearing the loud thumps of footsteps coming up the stairs.
I was about to burst into tears right then in there. Just focus on breathing and keeping your eyes shut, Malory. Keep calm.
The door to my bedroom slowly creaked open, letting a glimpse of light in the pitch black room.
“Wake up, bitch.” The disgusting monster that I called my father growled at me.
I kept my eyes shut, squeezing into a ball, bracing myself.
His hand came hard against my shoulder, making a loud smack.
“I said get up!” He slurred, yanking on my arm, pulling me out of bed.
I followed his orders, there was no point in fighting against them. The more resistance, the worse he was. You just gotta suck it up and deal with it.
He pulled my arm and slammed me against the bedroom wall. I looked at the closet and gave an apologetic look, but I wasn’t sure if Louis saw or not. The room was almost completely dark, but he didn’t need to see to know what was happening.
His hard fist bashed into my stomach, causing me to scream in pain.
“Shut the fuck up, you little..” He shook is head and slapped his hand right across my face.
My whole body collapsed, and I found myself on the hard floor, curled up in a ball. It wasn’t until I actually heard my sobs that I realized I was crying.
“Da-daddy, please-“ I tried to talk, but the blows being taken all over my body shut me up.
He lifted me up forcefully, and literally threw me on my bed. He stripped me of my clothes, actually ripping them in the process, touching me in no way that a father should.
I was humiliated. The door to the bedroom let in a crack of light on the bed, I knew Louis could see, and that he was watching. But I couldn’t say a word, as I said, the more the resistance, the worse he is. This definitely wasn’t the first time this has happened, but no one had ever known. It was better when it was just a secret, I felt disgusting, used, but most of all embarrassed. The freak, whose dad fucks her, no wonder why she’s so messed up.
I was angry, angry with my father. This terrible man, causing this unconditional trauma, drinking away his problems and then taking them out on me. He was fine without the alcohol, but once it got in his system, a monster took over.
I’m damaged, disgusting. Not worthy of being loved, especially by Louis. Maybe now he’ll realize that, he’ll realize why I always insisted he was too good for me.
“S-Stop-“ I managed to choke out, but that’s all I could say. He threw a pillow over my head, drowning out my cries and suffocating me. There was nothing I could do. I was helpless. I tried stopping his hands with my own, but he grabbed both of my arms with his strong hands and locked them behind my back. He was so strong, I was so weak. Hopeless.
The breath was literally sucked out of me, my own father was inside of me, torturing me, hitting me, hurting me. I wanted to scream to Louis, scream help, kick, cry, but I couldn’t. I was lifeless. All I could do was close my eyes, tears streaming down relentlessly, and pray.
Dear God, help me. Help me get out of this hell.
I looked towards the closet door, sending a pleading look towards it. A ‘please don’t say anything’ look. I know he probably wanted to jump out and do something right now, but my dad would kill us both.
Literally, murder us.
He finally got off of me, removing the pillow from my head. Gasping for air, I sat up and wiped my eyes, that must’ve looked like raccoon eyes from crying so much.
“You look hideous.” He slurred and left the room, slamming the door.
The closet door burst open and Louis ran out towards me.
He quickly grabbed a t-shirt and shorts from my drawer and gently pulled them over my shaking body, not saying a word. I had been silently crying the entire time, but once we finally made real eye contact, I completely lost it. I was sobbing so hard it felt like my eyes were going to fall off. He sat on the bed and pulled me in his lap, leaning my head on his shoulder. I could tell by his erratic breathing that he, too, was crying. His hand stroked the back of my head, gently, and his body swayed, rocking me back and forth like a baby.
I pulled away once I realized I was staining his white shirt, wiping my eyes and nose, shaking my head.
“Malory, I-I… I don’t even know what to say.” He choked out, wiping his eyes.
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He barely whispered.
I leaned into his shoulder again, crying. “I didn’t want you to think I was disgusting.”
His eyes widened. “Malory, why the hell would you be disgusting?!” He gasped.
I sat up. “I am, Louis! I’m disgusting, gross, used, damaged, and ashamed. Who the hell wants to be with the girl who gets fucked by her dad? That’s not fucking right, it’s not normal, and nobody is supposed to know. Who wants to be with the emotionally fucked up girl? Nobody. I’m fucked up, Louis. I knew from the beginning that you were too good for me, now you can finally figure it out too.”
“You’re not fucked up.” He said, wiping the tears that were falling down my cheeks. “This situation is fucked up.”
I nodded, that’s all I could do. I was out of words, there was nothing I could say. All I could do is cry.
“And just because your father,” He snarled at the word ‘father’, “is fucked up, and an absolutely horrifying person, doesn’t mean that you are. You’re not disgusting, gross, or any of that. You have no reason to be ashamed, it’s not like you asked for this.” He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. “I just can’t believe that you’ve gone through this. I’ve always heard about rape and abuse, but to actually witness it with my own eyes,” His hands clenched up. “I can’t describe how horrifying it was, and I was just standing there, I didn’t actually experience it.” He pulled me closer into an embrace. “No one deserves that, especially you, Malory. I would never wish that on anybody in the world, and the fact that you, the most perfect girl in the world…” He shook his head, crying, not able to finish his sentence. “We need to get help.”
“How?” I asked.
“I’m going to call the police.” He said, searching for his phone.
“No, Louis, you can’t!” I gasped, grabbing his arm from reaching his phone.
“You can’t live like this, you’re going to stay safe.”
I shook my head, sobbing yet again uncontrollably. “Please, no. Louis, don’t call. Then I’ll go have to live with my mom.”
“Wouldn’t you much rather live with your mom than… that?” He growled, not even being able to acknowledge my father as a person.
“She won’t let us be together. She doesn’t like you.” I breathed.
His eyes widened, jaw dropping. “You are not saying that you will live through this for me.”
“Louis, I can’t live without you.” I cried.
“You can’t live in a place like this.” He said sternly. “Malory.. I am just… appalled. Right now, it feels like nothing is real. Like all of that didn’t just happen, I didn’t know such cruel things could actually happen. I’m disgusted by your father, I want to go downstairs and beat the living shit out of him.” His muscles tensed up. “I-I .. I can’t believe this.” He shook his head. “I’m seriously in shock. This is so not right. You’re perfect, Malory. You deserve to live in a perfect house, with a perfect family. You deserve to be treated in the best possible way, because you’re the best possible person.”
“You think too highly of me.” I slightly smiled, sadly, wiping my eyes.
“No, I don’t. I just see what you can’t.” He grasped my hand tightly. “You’re perfect, and you don’t realize it.”
I shook my head, but he wouldn’t let me object. “I promise you, this will never happen again. I will never let this happen.” He cried softly. “No one will ever again hurt you or touch you like that. We’ll work everything out in the morning.” He sighed, pulling the two of us under the covers.
“You’re staying the night?”
“I’m not leaving you here alone.” He said sternly, and I knew I couldn’t argue. “And if you dad happens to come in and see me, I will beat the living shit out of him.”
“Louis..” I sighed.
“Only if he comes in, babe. Only to protect you. That’s all I care about, is you being safe.” His arms tightened around me as he gently kissed the back of my neck.
“I’ll never touch you like that, Mal. You’ll never hurt like this again. I’m sure of it.” He sighed softly into my skin. “I love you.”