Reviews with the Reader

Overall this fan fiction was pretty good, although It was a little confusing at some points. Despite some of the errors the story was very original and I loved the plot.

Under the character list I noticed you don't have any of the three girls or the brother/boss. Since they are really big roles in the story, they need pictures and their names.

When you have finished a chapter, I strongly advise that you read it back over a couple times before you post it. I noticed a few errors that were from auto correct or something like that. Also since you chapters are so long it's really hard as a writer to catch your own mistakes, and your chapters are really long I suggest you cut them in half and post the next half the next day or have a double update day. Sometimes chapters are so long, they can get overwhelming.

Just an extra note, when you spell Louis' nick name it's spelled Lou, not Lu. Sorry I just thought I point that out.

I really admire that you like to get every ones point of view in to a situation, but they were a little out of order. I can really tell you put a lot of work in to your chapters, and there was evidence of a lot of effort. When you have a point of view make sure they go in time order, because when I was reading through to the part where Sam is taken and questioned, then it jumped over to back to the night they were attacked. This was sort of confusing to me as a reader.

I adore your originality, and I definitely think you should do a sequel! Just make sure that if you do a few POV's on one event that they go in time order, and it would be practically perfect! I love your writing!

Overall rating: 7.5-8

Notes

If you do not like the review that was given to you for any reason at all let me know, and I will take it down ASAP. I hope I helped you with creating a better story!

❤ This_Crazy_Girl.