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Mibba

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Reviews with the Reader

Friend Or Foe?

Ok so first I want to apologize for going M.I.A., but I'm back now. Also I want to apologize for forgetting to write down your story a while back, but on to the long awaited review!

So far I really like the idea of this review, it's like a musical story for those of you who haven't read it, it's a very original idea. I only found some mistakes that are smallish. Most of your mistakes have to do with grammar type things, but other than that it was really fantastic!

So first I'm going to start with grammar, there were few mistakes here and there, but also some constant ones. One of the most distracting ones I found as a reviewer rather than a reader was, when you used "of" for "off". I don't know of you were using it in an accent context or it just was a mistake. Also another thing I found was just a small thing; when you use a quote put a coma after the "He said," or "She said," for an example;

He looked at me and flatly stated "Get out."

Maybe instead try;

He looked at me and flatly stated, "Get out."


Honestely, it just really helps the sentence flow. Another thing I noticed was you used "He said" or "She said" a lot, change it up, it can really add more feeling to a sentance. So maybe you could try some different verbs like: Stated, Questioned, Whispered, Mumbled, and etc.

And last but not least, the characters. Okay so I was kinda wanting a picture of the different characters or even just a description of a few. Just as I was reading I wanted to picture them talking or doing some sort of action. I think it would add and really become a good added aspect of this story.

Overall I really liked this story! It's incredibly thought out and well put together, and I really love to see that kind of effort in a story. You have done a pretty good job with this, and I hope to see more of it in the future!

Overall rating: 7.5-8

Notes

If you do not like this review, please let me know and I will take it down ASAP! I hoped I helped you in creating a better fan fiction and hopefully more in the future!

❤ This_crazy_Girl

Comments

@Oops_Hi

Hii! Yeah I'm still (kind of) active. I could probably do it, but it could be a while I usually get on like once a week. But I might be able to make some time. c: can't wait!

This_crazy_girl This_crazy_girl
8/27/15

ntEeeyyyyy back again this account use to be called Goldenheart. You reviewed Secrets(use to be called Stand), and Captured which both times helped, so I got another Fanfic if you do not mind checking out its just the start of it though. It's Called Angles and Demons. please and thank you I dont know if you are still active though. and if you wouldnt mind please do another review of Secrets since we added a lot. again please and thank you.

Hi_Oops Hi_Oops
8/21/15

Could you do A Feeling That I Can't Fight? It was my first fanfiction and I don't know how I did on it. Please and thank you ;D

I don't know if I asked yet or not lol but coukd you please review my story (how you changed my life) because its my first fanfic ever and I would like on advice and would like to know how I'm doing

Please can you review my story (I am addicted to you). I would like to know what people think of it. <3