Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

Reviews with the Reader

Looks Can Be Deceiving

I don't really know why, but this one really drew me in. It probably was the cover art, nicely done by the way. Most of your mistakes were grammatical, but there were not many other mistakes.

When ever you end a sentence make sure you capitalize the next letter that starts the sentence. If you're using a phone or iPod to write your updates, it can be understandable. Sometimes it doesn't shift after you type a period, it's a little shit to deal with really. But it is an easy fix.

When a reader is scrolling through the story's, they often pick ones that draw them in. The three things that readers look for are good titles, cover art that matches, and a sentence of a summery. You have two of the three things, a great title and awesome cover art, but I couldn't help but notice that you were missing a summery. A good thing that you could put there is maybe a quote or a line of a poem that connects to your story. They can be easy to find on search engine websites, such as: Google, Yeah Hoo, Wickapidia, and so on.

Your chapters seem really short too, and I can tell that you're trying to make your chapters longer. One thing that helps with that is spacing between dialog and paragraphs. Also if you add little details to your POV's then it can make them more in depth. For example:

I walked in to my small bedroom that was painted a light purple, and sat down in a bean bag chairat the foot of my twin sized bed. Picking up my Vogue magazine, I noticed a new red stain on my white shag carpet.

Just adding small details and different adjectives can really set you up for good chapters.

If you just fix the minor things in the few chapters that you have started, this can end up being a great fan fiction! You really set yourself up well with this story, just build on it.

Overall rating: 7

This score can be Raised greatly if you fix the tiny errors. But please continue with it, it's becoming a very interesting story.

Notes

If you do not like the review that was given to you for any reason at all let me know, and I will take it down ASAP. I hope I helped you with creating a better story!

With my best regards,
❤ That_Crazy_Girl

This will be the last review of tonight, but I will continue tomorrow afternoon or something like that. Thanks for your patience! :)

Comments

@Oops_Hi

Hii! Yeah I'm still (kind of) active. I could probably do it, but it could be a while I usually get on like once a week. But I might be able to make some time. c: can't wait!

This_crazy_girl This_crazy_girl
8/27/15

ntEeeyyyyy back again this account use to be called Goldenheart. You reviewed Secrets(use to be called Stand), and Captured which both times helped, so I got another Fanfic if you do not mind checking out its just the start of it though. It's Called Angles and Demons. please and thank you I dont know if you are still active though. and if you wouldnt mind please do another review of Secrets since we added a lot. again please and thank you.

Hi_Oops Hi_Oops
8/21/15

Could you do A Feeling That I Can't Fight? It was my first fanfiction and I don't know how I did on it. Please and thank you ;D

I don't know if I asked yet or not lol but coukd you please review my story (how you changed my life) because its my first fanfic ever and I would like on advice and would like to know how I'm doing

Please can you review my story (I am addicted to you). I would like to know what people think of it. <3