Reviews with the Reader

So far you have done a amazing job! I only found few mistakes, and I can really tell you put a lot of thought in to this fiction. I also really like how there is some mystery in the story line.

As far as mistakes go, there was minimal spelling and punctuation errors that I found. Every one makes those mistakes though.

I really liked the quote in the summery, and I feel like you should use that as your subheading under the title and rating. As a personal preference it draws me in more as a reader.

Whenever you say a book, movie, magazine, or other published titles it's proper to italicize them when you type them. It's not a big deal since you used a sub quotation mark. So you would use it like:

I took my book, Divergent, out of my locker.


If you have a flash back scene you don't usually have to say:
"flashback"
in the writing, and I know I make this mistake myself. Most of the time when you say:
"Then I thought back to the time..."
The reader recognizes that they are they are having that flashback, and they don't really need to be told again.

And last but not least I was kind of questioning the phone conversation, but I can see what you were trying to do. Instead of listing the conversation try and make it flow. It's an easyier way to read and understand. So something like this:

I called my cousin, and she picked up after the third long ring.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hey," I replied, "How's it going?"

Something along those lines. Also try to avoid using " He said" or " She said" because there are more creative ways to add to a sentence and give it a little more meaning.

Over all I really like where your story's going! So far I'm on edge of who the mystery man is, and how it's going to play out. You just got yourself a new subscriber!

Over all rating: 8.5

Notes

If you do not like the review that was given to you for any reason at all let me know, and I will take it down ASAP. I hope I helped you with creating a better story!

With my best regards,
❤ That_Crazy_Girl