Forever Alone

Weeks have passed since your incident with Niall. He hasn’t called and you were devastated. You have ruined your friendship with those boys. You sat in your room most of your days when you didn’t have class. You weren’t letting it get to you because you have done that once before. You didn’t want to fall into that funk again. You had turned over a new leaf. You were starting to get better.

You were going to be spending a bulk of your night writing a stupid essay. One thing you hate about school is essays. You dreaded writing the five page minimum that your professor gave to you. It was due Monday yet you wanted to get it out of the way. Your friends were going out with some friends and they hated that you weren’t coming. They understood that you had to write your paper. You promised that you would go out tomorrow night with them.

Your friends were gone for a good hour now. You have been staring at your opened word document trying to figure out what to write. You just sit there glancing from your prompt to your computer hoping the essay would write itself. Then again you were just wasting time. Then it hit you. You started typing away at the keyboard. Your juices of pure genius were spewing out of your fingertips. About an hour later you had finished your essay. You pushed back your chair and admired your finished work. It was just a little over five pages. It would have to be enough.

You turned your head to look at the clock and realized it was only eleven. Took you three hours to write give or take the time you wasted in between. You know that your friends will be out for a couple of more hours so you decided to get yourself a pizza. You shut off your computer and made you way to the living room.

You called for the pizza and it should arrive in about twenty minutes. Your wallet was on the coffee table in the living room. You turned on the TV and watched the movie that was on that channel. You sat there thinking about the past few weeks and how busy you have been with school. Being a graduate student you had a lot of work to do. You spent most of your hours studying your notes and organizing them so that you could find them easily for next class. You also had to write about two essays which were due at the same time but had to do with two completely different topics.

I’m surprised you haven’t gone into one of your deep depressed states like last time. Please don’t mention that again. You’re lucky I told them about the other time. I could’ve told them the other times that weren’t as pretty as those. Judith, maybe you should. I don’t see any relevance in why I should tell them about that. Because it will add to the story. Not here not now please.

Twenty minutes have passed when there is a knock at the door. You open the door and the pizza man is standing there with your pizza. You are very grateful that he has arrived because you were starving. You pay for it and give him a tip. After he hands you the pizza you shut the door.

You bring the pizza to the couch and start munching on it. The cheesy goodness of each slice was just like heaven in your mouth. As you were engulfing yourself in pizza you hear a knock on the door. Did the pizza man realize you were all alone and he has come back to rape you? Judith, don’t answer the door. I got to. What if it is important? Don’t do it. You’re going to do it aren’t you. Yes.

You opened the door and standing there was a blonde boy. That boy was in your apartment weeks ago and you were chatting to him about alcohol and music. Then you remembered one key thing that happened in that amount of time. You chickened out when he wanted to kiss you.

You stared at him for quite some time. You couldn’t believe he was here again. Why did he come here? You thought that he hated you? Are you getting nervous, Judith? Yes, very. What if I say the wrong thing? What if he is here to tell me that we can’t be friends? What if he calls me names? I can’t deal with this now! What do I do? Invite him in. What?!? I can’t invite him in. I rather slam the door in his face. I rather make him hate me then invite him in. Why? What if I make a fool of myself? Guys like girls who are girly and I’m not that. I have never been like that. How do you know that he likes that?

“That’s why Steve left me!” you shouted and his eyes widen.

Shit did I just do that? Yes, Judith you did. Mother fucking A! I did not just yell at him! I did it again! Oh god now he is going to think that I’m crazy! Yes, he probably will, Judith. You’re not helping. Now you have to invite him in. Go on and do it, Judith.

“Sorry,” you whispered.

“Why do you always yell at me?” he asked

“Sorry, I was talking to myself,” you answered.

“You yell at yourself?” he asked

“Well kind of. I mean I was just wondering why you were here and it got me thinking about some guy,” you replied.

“Oh, all the boys went out and I stayed home. They were going out with your friends and I asked if you were going with them but they told me that you were writing an essay,” he looked down.

“Well actually I finished,” you answered, “I just got some pizza. Would you like some?”

“Sure,” he looked back up at you and smiled.

“I guess I have to make up for yelling at you. I promise it won’t happen again,” you instructed him to come inside.

You led him over to the couch where the pizza box was laying on the coffee table. You grabbed him a plate and a beer from the fridge and sat down on the couch next to him and started to eat more pizza. You changed the channel and Family Guy was on. You started laughing and the cheese to the pizza was causing you to choke a little bit. Niall patted your back causing the cheese to go down your throat a little better. You guys continued to eat your pizza and laugh along with Peter Griffin and his family and their antics.

Hours seemed to pass. It was getting closer to one in the morning and your friends still weren’t back. You received a text an hour ago from Rachel saying that they would be home soon. You and Niall were busy watching a movie that he had picked out of you and your friends’ collection of DVDs. He had picked a somewhat scary movie yet you weren’t scared of scary movies because you have seen a lot of scarier things in your life. Niall’s hand was placed on your legs as you were seated next to him while leaning your side up against the couch. You had your head resting in your hand as your elbow was rested up against the couch. Niall was seated with his butt on the couch. You had to keep moving because you couldn’t sit still. You felt uncomfortable if you sat in one position too long. This was one of three positions you have had throughout the whole movie.

You switched your position once more and sat regular on the couch. Niall removed his hand from yours but you grabbed his hand before it was completely away and intertwined it into yours. His hands were so warm and they were a little bigger than yours. His hands seemed to be a little rougher than yours. Maybe it was because he plays the guitar. The strings on the guitar can do a number on the fingers and hands.

Didn’t your brother play guitar, Judith? Yeah he did. He was really good. Judith, you never talk about your brother. He never came up in conversation so I didn’t think it was important. What happened to your brother? I don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t bring him up. I’m sorry Judith. It’s okay.

After the movie was over Niall got up and took out the movie. When he bent over his Calvin Klein’s were peeking out. They were grey. Judith, quit being creepy. Hey if he didn’t want me to see it then he should’ve pulled them up. Judith, you are so gross. Hey, it’s okay to see a little bit of boxers. No harm in that. Judith, please don’t have sex with him. I know this is making you hot. I don’t sleep with anyone who isn’t my boyfriend. And you know I’m still a virgin. Oh, I forgot.

“You knew I was a virgin!” you shouted

Niall turned around from the TV, “I didn’t know that?”

“SHIT!” you muttered, “Why do I keep doing that.”

“I wasn’t going to sleep with you anyway,” he laughed as he walked back to the couch.

“Good cause I don’t sleep with pretty boys,” you smile.

“What do you mean by that?” he came in front of you

“I don’t sleep with boys who are so conceded with themselves that they think that they can get every girl that walks past them,” you answer.

“Good thing I’m not a pretty boy,” he answered and you could feel his breath on your face.

“How can I be so sure?” you ask

“How can I be sure you aren’t just trying to creep me out with this random shouting?” he questioned.

“Please elaborate?” you asked

“You say that you don’t do this on purpose. Are you sure you aren’t moody like this all the time, Moody Judy,” he answered.

You laughed, “No I was just thinking.”

“Then why did you say you were a virgin?” he asked

“Because as you were bending over I saw your boxers…” he cut you off.

“And it made you wet?” he asked

“No, not one bit,” you said trying to play it cool but the look in his eyes was just so intoxicating.

Are you kidding me, Judith? You were practically throwing yourself at him just over his boxers showing just a tad bit. You got to learn to control yourself. You shouldn’t be like this. Why weren’t you this ballsy with Steve? It didn’t feel right with Steve. Steve was a great guy at one point but he doesn’t make me feel like Niall does. Are you saying that you like him? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

“You know I still haven’t forgiven you,” he sat on the couch next to you.

“What are you talking about?” you positioned yourself so you were facing him.

“When I tried to kiss you weeks ago,” he answered.

“Oh that. Hmmmm it seemed to slip my mind,” you chuckled to yourself.

He laughed, “You want to kiss me.”

“Nah, I don’t want to,” you answered.

“You probably haven’t even kissed a boy before,” he looked at you so intently.

“I have. Remember the name Steve that I shouted before. Well, he is my ex-boyfriend,” you answered.

“Did you say ex?” he asked

“Ex as in expired. No longer in existence in my life,” you answered.

“Oh,” he looked away.

“So you can kiss me. I know you want to,” you felt ballsy all of a sudden.

“Nah you had your chance to kiss me. I moved on to another girl,” he commented.

“Oh then why are you here with me when you can be with her?” you ask

“Cause I want her to admit that she likes me,” he got close and you could feel his breath again.

“She’s stupid if she hasn’t told you yet. But I don’t blame her. You are kind of a pusher,” you smiled.

“She just got to know what she wants,” he smiled at you getting closer.

“What do you want because you deserve what you want?” you ask him.

“I want you,” he moved closer.