Forever Alone

“Judith is everything okay?” his voice snapped you out of your fantasy.

“Yeah, everything’s okay,” you looked at him.

“Okay. Not to be rude but you space a lot,” he told you.

“Yeah it’s just that I think too much,” you answered looking into his eyes.

“You just got to let go,” he answered.

“How so?” you asked

“You just got to live in the moment and not care about anything. Just go with the flow,” he smiled.

He’s right Judith. You got to let go. Let everything escape your mind and let life fall into your lap. You shouldn’t care what happens because it happens for a reason. Judith, you need this boy to help you. He could help you so much. He’s good for you.

“I know, I know,” you shouted as you twirled around the room.

“Why are you shouting?” he looked kind of scared.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean too. Honestly I didn’t mean too,” you sat back down next to him.

“Why did you sound angry? I was only trying to help,” he replied.

“I know you were trying to help but I was thinking about something else,” you answered.

He looked at you and took your hands in his, “Now Judith you got to learn to let go. No more thinking about things. Let it happen the way it is supposed to.”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“Good,” he answered.

“Can I ask you something?” you questioned.

“Sure go ahead,” he answered.

“Why did you stay after the party?” you asked

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Why didn’t you leave with the rest of the boys after the party was over? There really wasn’t anything extravagant going on,” you answered throwing your hands in the air to emphasize extravagant.

“I wanted to talk to you because we barely talked at the party,” he replied.

“Why didn’t you talk to me at the party?” I asked

“Because I thought that you wouldn’t want to talk to me,” he answered.

“You know what Niall, you think too much,” you smiled at him.

“How did you know my name?” he questioned

“I could’ve asked you the same thing,” you replied.

“I heard your friends use your name throughout the party, Judith,” he answered smiling.

“I know you are in One Direction, Niall,” you answered just like he did.

He laughed, “Oh right I forgot.”

You got up off the couch and grabbed the left over alcohol, “You wanna help me down the rest?”

He looked at you holding the bottle, “Yeah let’s do it.”

You grabbed two glasses and started to pour the liquid into the cups as you sat back down next to him, “I got to warn you this stuff is pretty strong.”

“I can handle it,” he laughed.

“Whatever you say,” you answered as you handed him the drink.

You guys enjoyed a lot of drinks that night. Judith, you are getting really out of hand. You are taking glass after glass trying to impress him. Why? I was having fun. You don’t need to go crazy with the drinking. You are nearly embarrassing yourself.

You and Niall kept drinking and drinking. You didn’t want to stop. You felt comfortable with him. He actually told you a lot about himself. You learned that he was a kind sweet boy and that he would do anything to make anyone happy. He was growing on you. The way he laughed reminded you of the good old days when you use to watch all his interviews. You were falling for him all over again this time it wasn’t from behind a computer screen.

You woke up the next morning to a pounding headache. It felt like you were hit by a truck. You could barely move and you really don’t remember much about last night after you and Niall started drinking. You rubbed your head trying to remember what had happened but you couldn’t really grasp it. Your head was throbbing as you made your way out of your bed. You stumbled to your feet trying to keep your balance. You aren’t one to maintain an even balance. You always seem to fall over stating that gravity was against you. You walked out of your door trying to stay level and made your way to the kitchen. You see Bridgette and Rachel enjoying their breakfast. There is an extra plate which you assume is for you. As you sit down at the counter you see another plate next to yours. Who is that for? Who is joining you guys for breakfast, Judith? I don’t know. Really.

After a few minutes you hear your bedroom door close. Who the fuck was in your room? Did you sleep with someone? Judith, you’re a whore. How dare you sleep with whoever that is when you can’t even remember what happened last night! Shame on you. I know I’m sorry. I’m sorry I got so drunk last night that I don’t remember what happened. Sorry isn’t good enough, Judith.

You saw the blonde haired boy make his way down the hall. He too seemed to be stumbling his way to the kitchen table. His hair was a mess and he looked oddly attractive. He was just so handsome in the morning. He sat down next to you and smiled. You must have smiled back because he turned his gaze to his plate. You looked at Bridgette who was eyeing the two of you. Judith, what really happened last night? I don’t know. I know you know what happened last night Judith. I know you are keeping secrets from me. Okay. Maybe I do remember. So what happened, Judith? Do I really have to tell you? Yes now tell me. No I don’t trust you. Judith, I have been here since day one for you. So what does that have to do with me trusting you? You already told them my other secrets. Judith, trust me when I say I won’t tell them. No you will. I will just tell Bridgette and Rachel. Okay do whatever you want.

“So did you guys have fun last night?” Bridgette asked you

“What do you mean?” you asked

“Oh we heard you guys laughing,” Rachel smirked.

“We didn’t do anything,” Niall answered quickly.

“Right,” Bridgette raised her eyebrow.

“We didn’t,” he answered again.

“So why did you come out of her room this morning?” Rachel asked

“Because,” he paused and looked at you.

“Cause I didn’t want him to fall walking to his place,” you blurted out.

“He could’ve slept on the couch,” Bridgette answered.

“I know he could’ve but I told him that he would be comfortable in my bed,” you replied.

“You sure you two didn’t fuck?” Bridgette asked

“No,” Niall answered.

“Why not?” Rachel asked

“Because I just met her and I don’t want to move to fast,” he answered, “And because I like her too much.”

He liked you. Judith, he said he actually liked you. After only knowing him for one day Judith he liked you. I wonder what he likes about you. There was nothing really attractive about you. You always say that you’re ugly and that no guy will love you. Judith, he must see something that you don’t. He wants to make you feel special, Judith. He wants to be your boyfriend. No he doesn’t. He just said he likes me. He could like me as a friend. We just had a couple of drinks last night that was all. Judith, are you forgetting the part where he slept in your bed? So we didn’t have sex or anything. He just slept in my bed no big deal. NO BIG DEAL!! Judith, he slept in your bed. The last man to sleep in a bed with you was Steve. When someone sleeps in your bed that means they like you. That means that they want to be more than friends. I don’t see you sleeping in Rachel’s bed or Bridgette’s bed and they are your friends and they like you. Why aren’t you sleeping in their bed? Because I got my own. Niall had his own bed but you invited him into your bed. We are just friends. Judith, you know you like him and he likes you. It’s only a matter of time until you two become more than friends. I just got to wait for it to happen. Remember I’m going with the flow. Judith, you go with the flow. You wait for it to happen but some things are meant to be jump started. What do you mean? Sometimes you got to push something to make it happened. You shouldn’t wait around for him, Judith. You make the first move. How? Start by asking him out.

You looked down at your plate and started to stare at your toast and omelet. You started digging your fork into it and then you placed the fork in your mouth chewing on the cheesy goodness which was inside your omelet. You started to hum to yourself as the sweet taste of Bridgette’s omelet filled your soul. She wasn’t the best cook but she knew how to make a mean omelet. You normally cooked because they trusted you with not blowing up the kitchen. Rachel refuses to touch anything but when she needs to cook something she does. You enjoyed your omelet. When you looked back up your friends were on the couch watching TV. Niall was next to you staring. He was just watching you so intently. He watched every one of your moves like it was some sort of dance.

After you were done chewing you looked at him, “What?”

“Oh nothing,” he smirked.

“No seriously what?” you asked, “Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” he gave a blunt answer.

“Then what?” you asked again.

“It’s just that you got so into your food. I have never seen anyone do that before. I get told I do it a lot but I have never met anyone else who did that,” he smiled.

“Oh, yeah I like food. Like a lot,” you replied.

“I can see,” he pointed to your empty plate.

“Bridgette makes the best omelets,” you answered.

“Damn straight I do,” Bridgette hollered from the couch.

“Yeah, it was pretty good,” he answered.

Niall stared at your lips then back at your eyes. Your eyes were fixed on his. You didn’t want to stop staring at him. He was just how you remembered just a little older though. You wanted to kiss him right then and there but you didn’t want to move to fast. He was probably thinking the same thing. You didn’t want to ruin anything but you got to understand that sometimes you need to nudge someone or something to get it going. I don’t want to scare him. Judith, he is a big boy and he probably won’t hate you. Well, unless you are a bad kisser then he will probably never talk to you again. You’re not helping and I’m not a bad kisser. Steve said I was a great kisser. Steve said and did a lot of things, Judith. Half the things that came out of his mouth weren’t true. Was he lying? Who knows? Well, unless you kiss Niall. I am not going to kiss him. Why not? Because…I don’t know. See Judith you want to kiss him. Remember take risks, Judith. Okay I’ll do it.

You looked at his lips. Oh they were a light pink color and they looked so kissable. You then brought your gaze back up to him and started to look into his eyes searching for the answer to the question you have been dying to know. A smile crept across his face and his hand took yours in his. He rubbed his thumb along the top of your hand sending shivers down your spine. He started leaning in towards you. He kept getting closer and closer. He was really close to you now with his eyes still open. His lips separated just a little bit.