Forever Alone

“What about him?” you asked

“What makes him so special?” she asked

What made him so special? What kind of question is that? Does she not know how to describe boys anymore? Does she not know what it’s like to be in love anymore? What era does she live in? The 1800s?

“What do you mean?” you asked trying to be as polite as you can

“Why do you like him? Well besides him being rich,” she asked.

“I don’t like him because he’s rich,” you started, “Just because someone has money and can buy nice things doesn’t give me a reason to love them. Money is of no value to me. In a relationship status. Money can buy you nice things and make you happy but what Niall has done for me with just being there is nothing an arrogant rich old man could ever give me.”

“You really care for him don’t you?” she questioned

“Yeah, I do. I would never do anything to hurt him. I wouldn’t do anything to disappoint him. He has been the light out of all this darkness. He has made me feel like me. And I never thought that was possible after all that happened to me,” you responded.

“Does he know?” she asked

“He will soon enough,” you responded.

“Go to him,” she commented.

“I will. I got one more day with you,” you grabbed her hand.

“Judith, I will be fine. He needs you. You need him,” she looked at you.

“Soon,” you responded.

You guys got up out of the booth since the sun was starting to set and it was getting late. You had a flight to catch tomorrow morning. Your mom paid the check and you guys headed out the door. Out into the cool brisk air that is Denver. You wanted to go home and just watch a movie with your mom. You had missed her and to think that this was your last time seeing her was going to be hard. You wanted nothing more than to just chill with her at home. She made your life complete.

The next morning arrived and you were ready to head off to LA where you were going to meet the boys. Louis, Rachel, and Bridgette were the only people that knew you were coming. Louis promised that he would keep the secret even though it was probably dying him inside. Rachel and Bridgette were going to pick you up from the airport. You didn’t want Niall to find out. You didn’t want your plan to be ruined by him knowing. It was a surprise after all.

Your mom made you a wonderful breakfast. Your taste-buds were hollering as you entered the kitchen. Your mom had made you guys bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and hash browns that you adored so much. You sat on the counter like you used to do when you were a little kid. Your mom plated your food and handed it to you. To think that she was sick two years ago and now she was doing well was just the greatest feeling. She told you that the fall in the supermarket was another stroke and this one just so happened to break her leg. You felt sorry that you weren’t there for her. Sorry that you didn’t come soon enough. But you were here now and that made it a little better even though you were leaving in a few hours.

Time had passed and it was time for you to go. Since your mom doesn’t drive you had to call for a cab to take you to the airport. You went back into your childhood room. Your teeny-bopper posters were on the walls. You were going to throw them away once you came back but you decided to leave them there. Why?

It reminds me of my childhood. Staring at them shows me how obsessed I was back then. How my life was consumed with all that shit. How that was my sanctuary and how I could escape from the world just by looking at them. Like I have my first ever One Direction concert tickets. That’s the first time I saw him in the flesh. Out in the open. I felt his eyes on mine that night but that probably didn’t happen. I knew it was too good to be true. This wasn’t one of those fanfictions where they see you in the audience at one of their concerts and they instantly fall in love. This was real life. Not some fairytale world.

You grabbed your bags and took one glance at the walls of your room. You smiled at your room and turned the switch off and shut the door. Your childhood was gone. Your life was changing with each growing day. Closer to a better tomorrow. Your life was finally going right. You were happy after all the pain you have dealt with.

You walked through the main hall of your house and came to the front door. The cab was outside. Your mother joined you as you made your way to the cab. The cab driver took your bags and put them in the trunk of the car. You looked at your mom and she looked as if she was going to cry. She was bound to cry. She cried when you left to go to the hospital. She cried at these sappy moments. She embraced you in a hug and the scent of her old lady body spray lingered off her skin. Her curly brown hair tickled your cheek as the tears started to form in your eyes. You heard her sniffling and once you guys pulled away your prediction was confirmed.

She wiped her tears away, “I’m going to miss you Judith.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” you answered.

“Please Judith be careful. I want you to call me once you get to LA,” she told you.

“Yes mom,” you laughed and she laughed too. This was the first time she has said something like this to you.

“Judith, promise me you will tell him,” she told you.

“I will tell him all he needs to know,” you responded.

“Now get in that car and go see him. Give Rachel and Bridgette a hug from me. Same to all the other boys even though I never met them,” she smiled.

“I love you Mom,” you told her.

“I love you too, Judith,” she answered embracing you in one last hug.

You let go of her and wiped her tears. You kept telling her not to cry. You kept telling her that everything was going to be fine. She had nothing to worry about. You told her that you loved her one last time and you got into the car. You sat in the back and told the driver where you were going. He pulled off from the side of the curb and you started on your journey.

You looked behind you out the back window and you watched as she faded out of sight. She was no longer crying tears of sadness. She was happy that you were so brave. So strong. She was happy that you were going back to be with Niall. She loves you. She loved you the moment you were born. She loved you when you were lying in the hospital on tubes and IVs from when Steve had beaten you. She loved you when you were in your darkest days. She loved you when you yelled at her the day before you left. She loves you for reentering her life again. She loves you for being so strong and brave. For fighting for your life trying to make it better. Trying to sift out all the bad and horrid with the beauty and bliss that life has to give. She loves you. She always has. She always will. No matter where you are.