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Forever Alone

Chapter 33

You spent most of your days with your mother. You had to catch up on lost time. But you felt like you were betraying Niall since you rarely saw him. He was out with the boys getting ready for their concerts and you stayed with your mother. You felt bad since you couldn’t see them sing even though you saw them sing almost every night. But tonight was different.

Your mom told you to take your sister to the concert tonight. Annabel was really excited. She was in love with them and she just couldn’t wait to see them. Niall had bought two tickets for you guys. You were grateful for what he was doing. Before the concert tonight, Mark wanted to talk to you. He was going to take you out for lunch. Your aunt Marcy was going to stop by and watch your mom while you and Mark had some time alone. You really didn’t mind. You love your brother more than anything else in the world.

You got dressed into a pair of your skinny jeans and a t-shirt Niall had bought you. It was your favorite band and he had bought this shirt for you as an early birthday present. He always showered you with gifts and you really didn’t like it. You hated how he spent his money frivolous on you. He told you that he wasn’t spending it frivolously. He was doing it all out of love. You wanted to give him something back but you don’t know what you wanted to do. Then it came to you. You knew what you were going to do.

You met Mark at your mom’s house. You told Niall that you would be back before the concert with Annabel. Your dad was going to drop her off at the hotel and then he was going to pick her up at the arena afterwards. Mark came out of your mom’s house and you both got into his car. He started driving down the streets of Denver until he came to the diner where you and him used to go.

You were seated immediately since there was no one there. You guys were seated in a booth and the sun peeked through the blinds that were on the window. The sun wasn’t blinding as it normally was. It was keeping you warm. Mark and you both ordered what you wanted and now you had time to chat. You had time to catch up and just get everything off your chest.

“Judith, I need to ask you something,” Mark replied.

“What is it?” you asked

“I need to go back to New York for work and I have no one to watch mom,” he told you.

“And?” you questioned

“I was wondering if you could stay with her. I mean I know Niall is going to be on tour so it would be okay,” he answered.

“I don’t know Mark,” you responded.

“Please. For me. Dad won’t watch her. Annabel is too young. And Aunt Marcy has to take care of her kids. I need you Jude,” he grabbed your hand.

“Fine,” you answered feeling guilty if you didn’t.

“Thanks,” he replied.

“Now I have to tell Niall. When do you leave to go back to New York?” you asked

“Tomorrow,” he replied.

“Thanks for bringing this on me now,” you answered sarcastically.

“Jude, I’m sorry. It’s just that Lance told me that they needed me in New York by tomorrow the latest,” he responded.

“And Lance is?” you questioned

“My boyfriend. We both work together,” he smiled.

“So it’s serious?” you questioned

“Yeah, it’s been like this for two years now,” he answered.

“I’m happy for you Mark,” you placed your other hand on top of his, “You deserve to be happy.”

“So do you,” he responded, “Niall seems like a great guy.”

“He is,” you replied.

Mark clued you in on your mom’s medications and what she had to take. He was giving you the ordeal on how to care for your mother. It’s like you didn’t know how to care for your mother. Then again you weren’t one for this caretaking. You really shouldn’t be trusted. In fact you were kind of scared. You were a bit terrified.

Lunch was quite nice. It has been a while since you and Mark had gotten to do something like this. It was actually one of your greater times you had spent with him. You were happy to spend time with him. You had missed him. You loved your brother more than anyone else. It was nice to spend time with him. You learned all about his partner Lance. Mark seemed to glow whenever he said his name. He was in love. He was happy. He wasn’t dealing with the stress of your guys’ parents’ divorce. Everything was going well for him. The way he smiled when he mentioned the business trip him and Lance went on. He also told you how they first met. They met at a conference. He used to work at the one office in Philly and they had to get together for a big meeting at the headquarters in New York, where Mark worked. They sort of talked over coffee and everything seemed to fall into place. You were happy for him. You really were.

Mark dropped you off at the hotel after lunch since it was almost time for the concert. It was time for you to see Annabel again so you went down to the lobby of the hotel to meet her. She had grown up so much since you have seen her last. You were so happy to see her. She embraced you in a hug and you both started crying. You had missed her a lot. You hugged your dad before he left. You had missed him too. His hair was starting to turn grey maybe it was because Annabel was a teenager and stressing your dad out. He seemed to be happy with his new found wife. You never really met her but she seemed like a nice lady. Your dad was happy and that is all that matters.

You introduced Annabel to Niall and the rest of the boys once you arrived at the arena. She was so excited to see them. Annabel was a fan of the boys when she was younger. She really loved to dance around the house to their music. You danced along with her. You guys were crazy as kids. You loved your sister dearly. Annabel spotted Rachel and Bridgette in the distance and she ran over to them and gave them a big hug. Rachel and Bridgette always came over your house when she was younger. You guys used to hang out and just chill. Annabel wanted to play with the “big girls” as she used to say it when she was little. Right, Judith?

Yeah. When we were younger and Rachel and Bridgette used to come over, Annabel always wanted to play with us. She wasn’t really interested in her dolls she had when they came over. She was more interested in reading the gossip magazines that Rachel had brought over or watching scary movies with us. She wanted to bond with us. It’s not like she had any other influences growing up. She couldn’t really bond with Mark. He normally did boy stuff. Annabel occasionally made us play dress up with her. Or she would make us play salon where she did our hair. She was quite imaginative for a little girl. I’m sorry I ever left her. I’m sorry I didn’t get to watch her grow up.

The arena was full of screaming girls including Annabel. They all had t-shirts and signs that were asking them to marry them. Were you ever like this Judith? No. Never. I would never do that. Sure. Anyway you, Annabel, Rachel, and Bridgette took your seats that were near the stage. Niall insisted giving your sister a nice seat but you didn’t want to be greedy. You didn’t want to appear selfish since he was in fact your boyfriend. But in the end he convinced you like he always did.

Throughout the whole concert, Annabel was chatting with some girls around her. They were talking about their favorite songs by them, which one was their favorite, and how happy they were to be here. Annabel kept thanking you and calling you the best sister in the world. You pretty much are the best sister in the world. Who knew that you could do this just by dating a celebrity? You are a lucky soul, Judith. Lucky soul.

After the concert you went backstage with Annabel and everyone else to see the boys. Annabel hugged them all again thanking them for this experience. She was the happiest girl on the planet. Nothing could ruin this night. Well, except for when your dad came. Annabel thanked the boys one last time and you walked her out of the arena. Your dad was waiting by the one gate. Annabel hugged you and she told you that she would see you soon, you know since you’re staying. You hugged your dad goodbye as Annabel climbed inside of the car. You waved goodbye to her as the car pulled away.

As you were walking back to where the boys’ dressing rooms were you were contemplating on how you should break the news to Niall. There were endless possibilities on how this could go. You could just bluntly state it. You could just be like “Hey I have to stay and watch my mom so have fun on your tour without me.” Or you can just make him ask about it. Either way you were leaving him and that disappointed you a lot.

Once you returned to the dressing room, Niall told you that he wasn’t really up to going out with everyone else. Hey you didn’t mind. You wanted to spend all your time with him. You wanted to just cuddle up on the bed and just listen to the sound of his breathing as he drifted off to sleep. You wanted to feel his chest rise and fall as his mouth inhaled and exhaled. You wanted to just relax to the calming sound of his breathing. And that is what you guys were going to do.

You guys ended up going to the hotel cuddling in bed. You rested your head on his chest and you listened to his breathe just below the sound of the TV. It was a quite relaxing evening. You then decided that you had to tell him before he falls asleep. You lifted up your head and turned to look at him. He was staring at you with those intoxicating blue eyes. They were just gorgeous.

“I got to tell you something Ni,” you spoke.

“What is it?” he asked

“I have to stay behind and take care of my mom. Mark has to go back to New York and there is no one to watch her,” you responded.

“Oh,” he answered.

“Niall, it’s going to be okay. We are going to be fine,” you answered since you knew he was worried about your guys’ relationship.

“I know that. I just wanted to make up for lost time,” he answered.

“Niall, we have all the time in the world,” you sat up next to him.

“I know,” he took your head in his hands, “But I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m not going anywhere tonight,” you told him.

“But tomorrow you won’t be with me. It’s going to be hard not being able kiss you,” he answered.

“You will always have me right here,” you pointed to his heart, “I am never going to leave you.”

“Promise?” he asked

“I promise,” you smiled.

“So can we enjoy our last night?” he asked

“Yeah,” you responded.

He just looked at you. You know what he wanted and that’s what you wanted too but you didn’t know how to address the problem. You didn’t know how to get this going. You didn’t know what to say. Then it hit you. It hit you like a truck. It hit you with such force that you had to blink several times before realizing what you had to say.

“Niall?” you asked

“Yes Babe,” he looked at you.

“Do you remember our first morning in New York together and you were shirtless and you asked me if you were turning me on?” you asked

“Yeah, what about it?” he asked

“Well I lied,” you responded.

“Oh so what was your answer then,” he moved closer.

You got up and straddled him on the bed, “Well, I was really turned on by that. I just wanted to fuck the shit out of you right then and there.”

He laughed, “But you’re a virgin?”

“But I want to lose it to you,” you whispered in his ear.

“Then let’s do it,” he whispered back which sent shivers down your spine.

You placed your lips on top of his. The fireworks that went off every time you guys kissed was starting again. You felt his hands slide down your back to your pants where he slipped them off shortly after. He was shirtless already since it was quite warm in the room. His hand then slid back up your back lifted your shirt up along the way. You broke the kiss for two seconds just to get your shirt off. Once your shirt was off you locked lips again and he smiled as he kissed you. He told you time and time again how happy you make him. Now he was going to be the happiest he has ever been.

He leaned off the pillows and lifted his butt off the bed and started to shimmy off his pants and boxers at the same time. You did the same to your underwear so that no time was wasted. Your lips never left his and you were starting to feel better again. He made you happy. He was just so beautiful. Everything was finally working out for you. Everything was going right. That night was everything you expected. Even though it hurt the first few times it felt right. He was the one you loved and he would be the one you will love forever.

The next morning you had to get ready to leave. You had your bags all packed. Niall was still sleeping as you made your way to the bathroom to take a shower. You stared at yourself in the mirror. This time you didn’t look at your scars. You didn’t look at the spots were the bruises were. You just looked at the smile on your face.

I was a little scared at first you know being naked in front of him. I was wondering if he was going to notice my scars. Notice the spot where the bruises were. Notice where I had been hurt. He was delicate though. We stopped once he started to look at me. Can you believe that I cried? He just held me. He told me that I was beautiful. He kissed my stomach where I had the surgery and told me that it was all in the past. He said he would make me forget all about what happened back then. He saw my bruises and scars as beauty. A piece of elegance in all the shit my life had created. He was careful with me trying not to hurt me but I’m a lot stronger then he thinks.

I don’t see them as scars or just bruises anymore; I see them as a piece of me. And to have someone tell you that you are beautiful because of them then it makes it less horrid. People who are like me, who have cut, are disgusted by looking at their cuts and scars but let me tell you that when someone kisses the scars and tells you how beautiful you are you seem to forget about them. They seem to vanish but as I stand here and look at myself in the mirror I still see them yet I’m still beautiful.

Anyone who feels horrible after they cut or just completely destroyed from the self-harm they inflict on themselves, they should know that it gets better. You find someone who accepts you for your past, present, and they become your future. They make you forget about scars and cutting because they take your focus off of it. They make you feel wanted even though you are wanted in this world even though you may not see it.

Comments

I LOVE IT!!!I totally agree with @Datcutehaz
InNiall'sPants InNiall'sPants
6/21/13
I can't believe that there's just 1 subscriber! Omg u does deserve 10000000000 subscribes
@fornow-andforever
Ok sweet:)
Musicluver19995 Musicluver19995
4/22/13
@Musicluver19995
I'm working on it! I have another fanfic I need to finish before i start that one.
You should make a sequel!!! That would be awesome:)
Musicluver19995 Musicluver19995
4/14/13