Forever Alone

Today you and Niall were going to explore Denver. You couldn’t hide inside for the whole time you were here. You had to see how changed your town has become. You would have Niall by your side so nothing could stop you. Nothing could destroy you. He made you feel safe. He was your savior.

Walking down the streets of your Denver town you noticed that a lot of things have changed. The shops that you use to go to when you were a little girl were closed. Some of the family owned businesses were now in competition with the Walmart down the street. It was quite sad. You then noticed a familiar shop. It was the music shop. You used to spend hours in there just looking at the different CDs trying to see if you knew any of the songs. You really like older music but you were also into the modern day songs too. You wanted to go see if the shop still looked the same. You pulled Niall off the sidewalk and crossed the street to go into the music shop.

The bell above the door rang as you stepped into the shop. The man behind the counter was the same old man that was there years ago. He was a lot older now but his eyes and smile were still the same. He smiled at you as you walked through the door. He must have recognized you. He was Richard’s dad after all. Then you saw a brown haired boy off to the side restocking the shelves. He caught his eyes with yours and smile. His green eyes sparkled underneath the dusty lights of the shop. You let go of Niall’s hand and ran over to this boy. You wrapped your arm around his neck as he wrapped them around your waist. He lifted you up and spun you around as you squealed from his grasp and remembering him. He placed you on the ground and admired how much you have changed. He had changed too.

He had snake bites on his lips. He also had his hair cut shorter than he did in high school. He had tattoos on his arm. He had changed so much but he was still the same boy you were friends with. You remembered the one time you went to his house to sit around the fire. You used to sing random songs that came on the radio making fools of yourself. He had gotten hotter since you have seen him last. He was probably seeing someone and you had Niall. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

“Jude, you look stunning. London has been fantastic for you I see,” he commented.

“I see going out of state to school has been good for you too,” you pointed to his face.

He laughed, “Yeah but I missed home a lot. I needed to be with my dad.”

“I see. Can’t leave your dad behind,” you laughed.

“Well, since my mom died two years ago he really needed me,” he looked down.

“I’m so sorry Rich. If I had known I would’ve been here,” you hugged him.

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” he whispered.

“Rach, Bridge, and I would’ve been here for you,” you answered.

He pulled out of the hug, “I see you have been doing good over in London.”

You looked behind you and you knew that he was staring at Niall who was looking over the selection of music, “Oh yeah…that’s Niall.”

“The one from ONE DIRECTIONNNN?” he said in his girly voice trying to make fun of you

“That’s the one,” you smiled.

“So London’s good then ay?” he asked

“Yeah, you should come and visit,” you looked at him.

“Money is tight Jude. You’re lucky if I am eating tonight. But you have a rich and famous boyfriend,” he taunted.

“So,” you responded.

“He can take you anywhere,” he commented.

“But I don’t want to go anywhere. I want you to come and see me,” you leaned up against him as you guys watched Niall wander around the shop.

“I saw your sister Annabel the other day,” he remarked.

“So,” you responded.

“You haven’t talked to them?” he asked

“No,” you responded, “Why should I? They ruined my life. Well not Mark and Annabel.”

“Mark is in town too,” he answered, “I guess since your mother just got out of the hospital.”

“What?!?” you shouted and everyone looked at you.

“Jude, calm down. She’s fine. She just had a little spill in the supermarket. She broke her leg. Mark has been taking care of her,” he reassured you.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me,” you whispered.

“Mark said that you were living a new life and you had no time for them,” he responded.

“I always have time for them. They should know that I care. They shouldn’t have been so selfish with themselves before I got sick,” you responded.

“Judith, you’re being selfish right now,” he answered.

“Because I’m finally happy. I finally gotten away from this shit hole and I’m actually doing a lot better!” you shouted.

“Judith, please calm down,” he grabbed your shoulder.

“I knew it was a bad idea coming here,” you started walking away.

“Judith, there is something you need to know!” he shouted just before you left the shop with Niall by your side.

He walked up to you and smiled a Niall. He grabbed your wrist and led you to the side, “Steve is here. He doesn’t know that you are here but please be careful. I don’t want you to do anything stupid. He has changed. He isn’t his violent himself anymore since he got help. But please don’t cause any trouble. I know how you are.”

You smiled at him, “Thanks for letting me know.”

You and Niall walked out of the shop making your way down the street. You were heading somewhere you never thought you would go. You passed the rest of the family owned shops and turned onto a familiar street. It was Elm Wood Place. You stopped and looked down the street. You were going to do this and you were going to make sure everything is alright.

No matter how much I say I hate my mom, I want to make sure she is okay. It would be a shame if she was dying or something. I mean I do love her but she has pissed me off these past few years. I should be the bigger person and see how she is doing. I am her daughter after all. She deserves to have some of my love when she is recovering. She shouldn’t feel like I neglected her. I do love her it’s just that I don’t know if I can go back into her life again. I am too broken for her. But then again she has tried to make efforts to contact me but I was being stubborn. I had to make things right. I had to make peace with my ghosts.

Niall and you walked down the street until you came to a familiar house. It was the sixth house from the end of the street. You looked at the yard and the house. The grass looked overgrown and that it needed to be cut. The house paint was slowly chipping off. In the driveway was a black SUV. That must be Mark’s car.Your mom never really drove anywhere. She really didn’t have a need for a car. She had your dad or Mark to drive her around. She was dependent on them.

You opened up the gate and it squeaked open. You stepped onto the pavement that led up to the house you had grown up in. You started to make your descend towards the house. You walked up the creaky stairs of the porch and you stood in front of the door. The house wore the number one hundred and fifty three. A home you once known. A home you were going back to. A home you never really wanted to see. A home you never wanted to return to.

You knocked on the door and after a few minutes a man answered the door. He had dyed his hair a dark red. It looked purple when the sunlight hit it. He was shocked to see you standing there. He smiled after he recognized you. He opened the door which creaked too and he embraced you in a hug. He kept telling you how much he had missed you. How much he wanted to come and see you but work was getting in the way.

He let you both inside chatting with Niall as you made your way through the house. You saw your baby pictures. You also saw the picture of you and your grandmother when you were about five. She died a year or so after. It was really hard for you since she was the only one who really loved you. She was such a sweet old lady. You then saw a picture of you at your high school graduation. You were a little heavier then. That was before you started starving yourself. Why did you starve yourself?

I starved myself because when Steve would beat me it would break my bones. It would hurt more and he got joy out of beating me as he heard my bones crack beneath his touch. He felt like he accomplished something by hearing my bones break. It was gross but I did it to please him.

You then walked through the door that led you to where she was. Niall and Mark stood in the living room as you went to go see her. They wanted you to see her by yourself. They wanted you to clear the air. You walked into the room and you saw her lying there. She was asleep. You watched her chest rise and fall as you walked over to her. Her leg was in a cast. She looked so frail. Her eyes looked like she hasn’t slept in days. She then opened one eye and smiled at the sight of you. You felt the smile spread across your face as you watched her fully wake up.

“Judith,” she called out very hoarse.

“Hi mom,” you sat next to her bed.

“I’m so sorry,” she responded.

“For what?” you asked

“For not being a great mother,” she responded.

“You are a great mother. I was too stubborn to listen. You did everything out of love. I don’t hate you any less,” you told her.

“Judith, I know you didn’t want to hear from me and that’s why I didn’t have Mark call you,” she told you.

“Mom, you shouldn’t hide this stuff from me,” you responded.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“I’m here now. No need to be sorry,” you grabbed her hand.

Judith, are you starting to forgive your mother? Are you starting to realize that you were a stubborn bitch and you shouldn’t throw people out of your life? Are you starting to change? You are starting to have a heart? Niall is good for you. He has made you change for the better. Where is the old Judith? I like that one better. She felt vulnerable, wasted, disappointed, stubborn, and even a little uneasy. I liked her. She made a better story. Where did she go? She’s long gone and won’t be returning. Sorry to disappoint you. Life is full of disappointments.