Forever Alone

He looked down at you with those beautiful blue beauties causing your heart just to flutter a little bit. You have never felt this way before about anyone. Was it because you knew who he was or was it because your feelings towards him were coming back? His smile was just so illuminating that the room seemed to get brighter. You could see his natural brown hair trying to sneak out past the blonde locks that laid on top. He was much taller then you ever imagined him to be. You always thought that he was going to be a short man but I guess the stereotypes aren’t always true. Just because he is Irish doesn’t mean he has to be short. You just jump to conclusions and make assumptions.

You snapped out of your reality when you realized your two friends were staring at you. Their eyes were really wide because guess what? You weren’t doing anything. You were just staring off into space thinking about this boy standing in front of you. Seeing him for the first time face to face was just so weird and just so shocking.

Before you called it quits on the fandom you went to all the concerts in your area trying to score front row seats but being a broke young college student at the time you really couldn’t afford front row seats. You sat near the middle still gazing at the five lovely boys whose voices melt your heart. Every note that each of them hit just sent your heart into a flutter. You used to close your eyes during the slower songs imagining them sing each note and just putting their own emotion into it. The lyrics of their songs speak to the female population and it sends them into a frenzy. You were never like most fans who jump and scream in their faces. If you were ever given the chance to meet them you would just freeze. Wait I’m doing that now! Snap out of it and stop being awkward.

You opened your eyes and everyone was staring at you. You felt totally awkward. You wanted to run away and just not talk to anybody. You were like that. You could be open and silly but when people were staring at you like they were here it made you feel uncomfortable like everyone was silently judging you. You excused yourself and made your way to your room. Nice going Judith. I just embarrassed myself in front of my friends and my new neighbors. I suck at life just go fall off a cliff or something.

You sat there arguing with yourself when you heard a knock on the door. You hesitated in answering the door but you had to because it would be rude if you didn’t answer it. You slowly made your way off your bed and opened your door. When you peeked to see who it was you couldn’t believe your eyes. You could feel your eyes widen when you saw who it was. It was your best friend Rachel.

“You know you got to quit embarrassing yourself Judith,” she told you.

“I’m sorry Rachel. I really am. It’s just that…” you paused

“I forgot to tell you that they were coming,” she answered.

“They live in our building?” you asked

“Yeah, I bumped into Liam and I told him all about how we were having a party. He invited the rest of the boys too,” she looked at me.

“You know how I get around…” you whispered.

“Yes I know how you feel about Niall,” she told you.

“But it’s so weird seeing him. Ya know after not being obsessed with them for over two years,” you answered.

“You know what Judith?” she looked at you as you sat on your bed

“What?” you looked at her confused

“You should go talk to them. Show them the fancy Judith that I know,” she laughed.

“Shut up you,” you playfully pushed her.

“Hey no sense being a lump on the log here in your room,” she answered, “Mingle with people. Make friends. We are gonna be here for a while.”

“Yes mom,” you smiled.

“I am like your mother Judith,” she smiled back at you, “Now let’s go.”

“Fine…Fine,” you muttered underneath your breath.

Rachel was one of your friends that was always there for you. She acted like your mom because sometimes you can’t control yourself especially when you drink. You and your other friend, Bridgette, tend to drink heavily when you have a bad day or when you just feel like it. Rachel drinks but she doesn’t drink much. She just sits back and watches you guys make complete fools of yourselves. She does make a fool of herself even when she isn’t drinking but that’s just in her nature. You love her to death though. She’s like a sister from another mister wait she is.

You made your way back into the living room area and everyone was listening to the music that Bridgette was playing. She was playing her favorite songs that were on her computer. She had a combination of Rock, Pop, and some country for you. Right now one of my favorite country songs was playing. Your neighbors were staring at you as you walked into the room. Okay this isn’t awkward or anything. You walked over to Bridgette and she smiled at you.

“Hey Judith, sing us a little Trace Adkins,” she chimed.

“I can’t sing that low,” you answered.

“Try your best. Break the ice,” she answered.

Bridgette restarted I Got My Game On by Trace Adkins and you just closed your eyes. Trace Adkins voice started to fill up your ears with his low voice that could send shivers down your spine. You imagine each note and lyric pouring out through Bridgette’s speakers. You separated your lips and started to sing along with Trace Adkins. You could hear your voice coincide with his adding a decadent harmony to his beautiful country voice. After the song ended you opened your eyes again and everyone was staring at you. Their eyes were piercing your soul making you think about running away. You scanned the room looking for your friends but they were buried in the sea of people in your living room. Then your eyes met his. When you looked into those blue eyes of wonder you felt like no one was in the room anymore. There were no more eyes on you. It was just you and him and that was all that mattered.

Then the clapping started. You didn’t let your eyes wander from his as the sound of clapping engulfed your ears. He was smiling at you. His teeth were just so beautiful Everything about him was just so wonderful. You just wanted to run over there and kiss him and touch him but you couldn’t. Now Judith that wouldn’t be very lady like. His smile crept from ear to ear causing you to smile. Everyone was probably looking at you wondering why you were smiling. It was him. He was intoxicating. He was enveloping you into his soul causing you to think irrational thoughts and irrational things that could ultimately destroy you. Judith, you are going off track. This isn’t some sappy love story. Judith, stop putting this off track with the thoughts that go on in your mind. Please control yourself.

Hours past at this party and he still hasn’t approached you yet. What was wrong with you Judith? Were you really that ugly? Did he find it creepy that you smiled back at him? Did he find it creepy that you were staring at him for so long? Judith you got to stop acting weird. It isn’t right. Please be normal. Please for gosh darn sake you need to be normal. No guy will ever like you for being your weird self. Please Judith. Please say you are going to be normal. I’ll be normal I promise.