Forever Alone

John left you to go to the bathroom leaving you and Niall alone. Niall has been drinking and so have you. You really didn’t want to do anything that you would regret. You like John way too much to ruin this relationship. You also didn’t want Niall to ruin his relationship with Donna. He seemed to be having fun with her.

Since John was gone you felt lost and alone. You glanced over at Niall and he was staring at you. What was he thinking? He was staring at you then he turned his head to scan the room. What was he looking for? He then got up and sat right next to you. You were trapped and you can’t escape. There was no way you could run away. He turned to face you staring into your eyes. You looked away because you didn’t want to look at him. You didn’t want to fall into his trap. You didn’t want your feelings towards him to come back.

“You know you are going to have to look at me sometime,” he told you.

“No I don’t,” you answered.

“Judith stop acting like a child,” he replied.

“No Niall. I won’t,” you responded.

“What did I do?” he asked

“Nothing,” you turned to face him.

“Why is it so hard for me to believe you?” Niall answered

“Believe what you want but I’m telling the truth,” you replied.

He took your hand, “Judith, please tell me.”

You took your hand away, “Niall, we are both in healthy relationships. You can’t be doing that.”

“I’m sorry but it’s because…” he stopped because he saw your gaze change from him to the figure standing behind him.

“Judith, let’s go,” John called out.

“Okay,” you quickly got up.

“Bye,” Niall told you guys.

“It was nice meeting you,” John shook his hand.

“Yeah same to you,” Niall answered.

“Bye Niall. Tell Donna that I said goodbye,” you told him as you and John walked away.

John and you scurried through the heap of people. You passed couples making out and you had to squeeze your way around them. It was quite hard because you didn’t want to lose John. You slipped passed a couple making out. You glanced shortly and the girl kind of looked like Donna. But that couldn’t be here. She would never kiss another man when her sweet, caring, faithful boyfriend was back at the table probably feeling lonely as hell. You took another glance at the girl who was sucking face and you got the confirmation you were looking for. In fact it was Donna. The question is do you tell Niall or keep it to yourself.

I mean I should tell him but what if he accuses me of trying to break them up because he might think that I’m still in love with him. But I’m not. I have John now. I don’t if he could take heartbreak. He is a sweet boy and he doesn’t deserve the heartbreak. I would hate to see him broken. I would hate to see him cry. He doesn’t need to cry over some girl. But should I wait for him to find out himself? Then he might hate me if he knew that I knew that she was kissing another man. I mean I care about him because he is a friend of mine but he might not believe me. He might confront her and Donna might make up a lie about what happened. Then he will probably stop talking to me and then we won’t be friends. Then I will be lonely without him because he makes me happy. He really does. I mean John makes me happy too but Niall is a great friend and I don’t want to lose him.

Judith, please stop. You are taking this way out of proportion. You don’t do anything. You shouldn’t do anything because it’s not your problem. That’s his girlfriend. Not yours. You need to focus on your life and quit worrying about other people’s lives. You need to focus on your healthy relationship because John really cares about you. I believe that John could be good for you. He’s a keeper. Niall is just a friend and when Niall finds out about this, not because you told him, you will be there if he needs you. But for now you remain quiet because you don’t want to start anything. How do you know that that girl was even Donna? She looked similar but you really didn’t see her completely. It could’ve been someone that looks like her. Judith, please don’t say anything to Niall. It’s not your problem to worry about. It’s his and her problem to worry about. You aren’t in their relationship. Please tell me that you won’t interfere. I promise.

You and John returned to John’s apartment. This is the first time he has invited you to spend the night. You guys really weren’t going to do anything because you weren’t ready and neither was he. That’s what you liked about him. He wasn’t afraid to say no to sex. He had the same feelings towards sex as you. He was perfect. He was everything you wanted.

John let you wear a pair of his boxers and one of his t-shirts to bed. You guys cuddled on the bed watching some late night movie. He fell asleep before you and he was snoring. You thought it was actually kind of cute. John untangled himself from you and laid on his side. He then fell instantly asleep. You were starting to get tired and you closed your eyes and you fell instantly asleep.

You woke up the next morning to John not there. You rubbed your eyes and made your way to the kitchen. John was cooking pancakes on the stove. It smelt like chocolate chip pancakes. You sat at the counter watching him cook. He smiled up at you as he turned the pancake. He then threw that pancake on a plate with two others. He handed you the plate along with a knife and fork. You started to cut up the pancake. After you cut it up John was still cooking. You told him to look up for two seconds. He looked at you and you fed him a piece of your pancake. He smiled as the delicious taste of his pancake filled his mouth. You smiled back at him as you took a piece of pancake for yourself.

After John was done cooking he sat next to you. He returned the favor by feeding you a couple pieces of his pancake. You fed him off your plate and he fed you off his. Soon both plates were empty. It was the best breakfast you have ever had. He was perfect. He was yours.

“Judy,” he spoke as he cleaned up the plates.

“What is it babe?” you asked

“I got to tell you something,” he told you as he kept scrubbing the plates.

“What?” you got up and went next to him.

He looked at you, “I’m leaving.”

“To go to work? I thought you didn’t have to work today,” you answered.

“No I don’t have to work,” he told you.

“Then why did you say you were leaving?” you asked

“I’m going to Africa,” he answered.

“To do what?” you asked

“The hospital wants to take some of the interns there to care for the sick children. They need us and I was asked to go. I applied months ago before we started going out because I had nothing important here. But these past few months, I have had something important here,” he told you.

“So are you going to go?” you asked

“I don’t want to but a part of me wants to,” he answered.

“Then go,” you replied.

“What?” he asked

“John, I will be here when you get back. Go help those kids. They need you. I will be fine here,” you told him.

“Judith, you’re the best,” he kissed your forehead.

“And how long will you be gone for?” you asked regretting what the answer for be

“Six months,” he answered.

Six months. That was a long time. How are you going to survive without him for six months? Judith, how are you going to make this work? Judith, you really don’t want him going do you? He was asked to go so why should I keep him here? He wants to be a doctor and he is going to be helping the less unfortunate. It makes me care for him more. I mean I really do want him to say but do I have a say in this? He applied before he met me and I shouldn’t be mad because this is what he wants to do. Maybe down the road he might get asked to do this again and I will have to accept it then too. Maybe distance will make our relationship stronger. Maybe. I hope.