Forever Alone

Was that an ‘oh her’ as in she was a skank and she was a one night stand? Or was she an ‘oh her’ how did you find out about her? Was she his new lover? Did he finally move on from you? He just stared at you with a straight face. He was probably finding the right way to break his new found love interest to you. He realized that you weren’t worth waiting for. Nice going Judith.

Wait, I didn’t do anything. He was the one that hasn’t made a move to go any further in this relationship. I think I made it very clear that I was interested in him. Didn’t I? Didn’t he see it in the way I acted towards him? Maybe I should turn lesbian and forget about boys all together. Maybe he was never interested in me anyway. He never kissed me anyway. Why should I get my hopes up? He probably thinks I’m some charity case and he just wants me to feel good about myself. Geez how could I be so stupid? He was into the trashy skanky type. Well, I could turn into that. I could couldn’t I? I don’t want to though. I mean I don’t want boys drooling all over me. I didn’t want guys staring at my ass as I walked by. I will just stay Judith not Skanky Judith. Plus Judith isn’t a skanky name. If I wanted a skanky name I should change my name to Sugahh. Yeah I’m not going to do that. I’m happy just the way I am. Then again I am going to be forever alone and die with my twelve cats. What a life I know!

Judith, you complain too much. You are fine just the way you are. A guy should love you for who you are and not being some trashy skanky girl. You will find a guy that will love you for you. It may not be Niall but there is someone out there for everyone. You won’t die alone. I promise. Judith, you should really listen to what he has to say because he could say something you weren’t expecting.

“So what about her?” you asked again

“Well, her name is Donna,” he answered.

“And,” you wanted to know more.

“What else do you want to know?” he asked

“So are you two a thing because I have been seeing a lot about you two in the magazines,” you commented.

“I don’t know,” he answered.

“How do you not know?” you asked

“I mean we text all the time. We go out to the bar and stuff but I don’t know. I mean I like her and she’s a nice girl but I feel like there is nothing there,” he answered.

“Have you given her the benefit of the doubt?” you asked

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Have you tried getting to know her more? Take her out for dinner. She sounds like a nice girl take her out sometime,” you told him.

“You really think I should do that?” he asked

“It sounds like you really like her. Why not take a chance on it? What do you got to lose?” you asked

“Maybe I will. Now I know why we are friends,” he told you.

“And why is that?” you asked

“Because we help each other out when we need it,” he commented.

“Not to change the subject but can you tell me more about her?” you asked

“Well for starters she is really smart. She goes to the university and she is studying to become a lawyer. She spends most of her time studying criminal cases. She’s really quite fascinating,” he told you.

“Anything else?” you asked looking at your empty plate.

“No I really don’t know much more about her,” he answered.

“Well, not to cut lunch short but I think you should go ask her out and get to know her more. I want to be updated so I can ask questions. Go call her right now,” you told him.

“Okay, when I get home I will call her. Let’s go,” he got up and grabbed the check.

He paid the check and you guys were on your way back to your apartments. He kept asking on dating advice and what he should do. He wanted to know where to take her. To tell you the truth you really didn’t know where he should take her because you really didn’t know what she liked. You told him to take her to see one of those movies he wanted to see. He agreed that that would be the best thing to do since you really didn’t know what she liked.

You guys arrived at your apartments. You hugged him goodbye and wished him luck on his first date with Donna, that’s if she accepted it. You looked at him go into his room before you stepped into yours. When you walked through the door your friends were sitting on the couch. You shut the door and they looked at you. You tried to keep a smile on your face but seeing the anticipating joy radiating from their faces broke you. You rushed to your room and shut the door behind you. You didn’t want them to see you cry. They have seen you cry before but you were so broken by this that you didn’t want them to ask questions. You put your head against your pillow and cried until the tears couldn’t come out anymore. You were done. You were done with boys. You were done with love. You were going to be forever alone.

It seemed like days but it was only a few hours when your friends opened your bedroom door. They were each on one of your sides hugging you tightly causing you to cry more. They didn’t have to ask to know what was wrong. You have cried over this same exact boy before but these tears weren’t fake these were real. Those tears from long ago was you telling yourself you would never have a chance with him but these tears meant that you had a chance with him yet it wasn’t taken. You wanted to tell them because they deserved to know what happened. You lifted your head off your soggy pillow and stared at both of them.

“What happened Jude?” Bridgette asked

“He doesn’t like me,” you spat out.

“What?” Rachel asked

“That girl he was at the club with the other night well he really likes her,” you stared at the wall in front of you.

“And?” they both asked

“Well, I told him to ask her out,” you explained.

“What?” Bridgette shouted.

“I don’t know what I did. I should’ve never done that. Now I really know that he doesn’t like me. He told me I was a good friend. A fucking friend,” you answered.

“Jude, don’t let him get to you. Maybe he will realize that you are the one he wants,” Rachel told me.

“Yeah, when he notices that I will probably be a lesbian,” you told her.

“Judith, stop talking like that,” Rachel answered.

“Why? Face it he was the man of my dreams and I told him to take a chance on some other girl that probably has more STDs than I do pimples,” you replied.

“Jude, it’s gonna be okay,” Bridgette embraced you in a hug.

Was it really going to be okay? Were you going to be able to face him again without breaking down? Was your life going to turn upside down? Were you going to regret ever saying that to him? Were you ever going to get him? So many questions yet none of them have answers