Niall's view:
“Niall we have to be at the studio soon! We are gonna be late!” Liam yelled. I slumped out of bed and took the pills on my night stand. I felt worse than the last hangover I had. This one was different. My dick hurt. I got off my bed and walked to my closet. I put on clean clothes and sprayed some cologne on me. I opened the door to my room and almost passed out from the headache the immense light caused me. “Niall! Oh hey you're up.” Zayn said helping me stand straighter.
“Where is Harry??” I asked. Zayn looked paler and almost nervous.
“He went with Louis to the studio early.” He had a wavering voice.
“Oh.” I was skeptical. I may be hung over but he wasn’t telling me something. We got downstairs and I was walking slowly everywhere I went.
“Niall, you seem to be doing well.” Liam was disappointed.
“I think I need to skip out on today.” I said sitting at the table.
“You can't. Everyone needs to be at the studio to rehearse and go through the show stuff.” Liam said giving me a prick face.
“That’s bullshit because Harry got to miss an entire day!” I shot back.
“Harry didn’t get drunk though. Harry didn’t shag another girl. Harry didn’t leave L.A.” Liam scolded.
“Well I'm sorry I'm not Harry!” I yelled back. I got up and went to sit in the car. They were out there in a few minutes and in the silent car. No one dared to speak the entire ride. Once we got to the studio everyone tensed. I felt the comfortable level in the van lessen. When we stepped out fans and paparazzi pressed the gates harder. We all smiled and waved to them then bee lined for the door. There were security guards out there today. Once we were inside our personal body guards were there to accompany us. Harry wasn’t in the hallway nor was Louis. That seemed to check out. Now if only Louis is here I think it's safe to assume where Harry is.
“Everyone follow me.” Colby waved us on. We did and ended up in a room with several doors.
“Louis and Harry came early so we have them finished. We want Liam in makeup to get his skin tone recorded. Zayn has wardrobe for measuring. Niall, Ned needs to see you.” A lady read off a clipboard. “Ok, let’s move!” She rushed everyone off. I stayed still not understanding where Ned was.
“Niall this way.” Gordy nodded to a door. I slowly but surely made my way to where I needed to be with the assistance of Gordy.
“Niall!” Ned greeted when I walked in. I flinched because of the headache I still had even after taking the pills.
“You wanted to see me sir??” I question my presence.
“Yes, we need to talk. Gordy could you??” Ned nodded to the door and Gordy stepped out.
“Am I in trouble??” I asked raising a brow.
“You tell me.” He handed me three things; a magazine, a paper, and a printed out internet article. The magazine had a sticky note book marking an editorial. I opened it and saw my angry face punching a photographer. On the side there were other angled shots of the same thing. ‘Niall Horan from One Direction has anger issues.’ The leading title. I grabbed the paper and looked at the front page being about my speedy drive to the ghost town I was in. Pictures of me walking into a liquor store and stumbling out were on the page. I read a few paragraphs talking about my walking in and how I came out hours later after going in. They mentioned the store worker making it closed whilst I was still in there. They mentioned I walked out looking scruffier from when I went in. I was done reading that and furrowed my brow. The internet article was about my anxiety and leaving Brazil early. A few things positive about Selena helping me as a friend and that was about it.
“I don’t understand??” I said looking at him.
“We can't have this type of publicity from a member of One Direction. This show could go downhill very fast if you are leaving town, getting drunk, and screwing multiple girls.” Ned looked displeased.
“I have anxiety medication that I take intermediate to help. I don’t get drunk often and I didn’t shag her.” I defended.
“Really??” He pulled out his tablet and pulled up an article about me being drunk and carrying Harry with the help of fans and taking them into the hotel room.
“So why aren’t you talking to Harry about this??” I felt like he was getting off the hook for everything and the bus was just backing up to hit me again.
“I already talked to him. He explained his case and we are on the same page. You on the other hand, are not on the same page. You are all over the place and the producers have been getting mad as well as management.” He sighed. I fiddled with my fingers.
“I will fix it. I have an idea.” I said with a very fake smile.
“Horan we can't have any of this. Try harder.” He said and motioned to the door. I went outside and took in some air.
“Niall, are you ok??” Gordy asked.
“You want the honest answer??”
“Yes.” Gordy nodded.
“No.” I finally didn’t lie about that and it felt great. I was able to slump my shoulders and sigh.
“Want to talk about it??” He asked me.
“No.” I leaned against the wall.
“Ok.” Gordy just dropped it. We stood there breathing loudly. It felt good to just breathe. “I think it's time we go back to the main studio.” He said after a few minutes.
“Yeah.” I pushed myself off the wall and followed him in. He led me through the hallways and we ended up back stage.
“So everyone walks out together and look like you're having fun.” Ned was telling us the run through. “This happens every night. You take your seat in your colour chair. The teams go by colour not names because that would be too competitive. We already pre did the colours but if you want to change feel free to speak up.”
“Good, I want something else.” Liam said.
“What would you like??” He asked. Zayn had black, I was green, Harry was red, and Louis was blue. Liam got stuck with brown, quite a comical colour but he wasn’t about to keep it.
“Purple.” He said.
“We will change it as soon as we can.” He smiled. He said something into a walky talky quietly. “So we walk out and then sit. We have a host that will introduce you as a cue. Then the show has started. Everything is live so try not to cuss. We bleep out what we can but it's not as easy as you think.” He chuckled and everyone else did. That is going to be hard for me especially because I'm Irish. I just have tendencies and cussing is one of them. “Let’s do a run through.”
“Places everyone!” The same lady yelled. People scrambled to get everywhere and we just stood there. Our bodyguards were off to the sides of back stage watching us. Gordy waved with a giant smile on his face. He was bubbly and smiley all the time. I used to be like that. I just need to find some type of happiness.
“You're judges and coaches One Direction.” Someone yelled. This like colourful screen parted and we were able to see the stage lights blinding us. We walked out and waved to no one like idiots then sat on our chairs.
“What do we do if there are special performances or we preform??” Harry asked. I glanced at him for the first time. He looked like hell. He had slight scruff on his face, you wouldn’t notice unless under the hot white lights like we are now, and his curls that were usually springy were flattened. His clothes were worn and crinkly.
“Guest performances; you just watch and enjoy. If you perform in the beginning of the show, you just don’t walk out with everyone else. Your body guard will also be a guide for the first couple of shows. If it's in the middle of the show you would walk down under the stage.”
“Where is that??” Zayn asked.
“Here.” Ned started walking and we followed him down the stairs from our elevated chairs then through a door that lead under the stage. We walked in a tight corridor and ended up on the left side of the stage, closest to makeup and wardrobe.
“I see.” Zayn and Harry nodded.
“It's a really flowing process. Most of the first five to ten shows will just be contestants.” Ned instructed. “You won't leave the chairs for much.” He stopped and listened to someone talking into his ear piece. “Zayn, make up is ready for you. Liam, you have wardrobe along with Niall. Harry, Louis, Management has dropped by to speak with you.” Ned commanded us. We were taken away to our destinations.
“You feel ok??” Liam asked me. Even though he's pissed at me he still cares and that little bit of him is stronger than anything.
“No.” I told Gordy I didn’t feel ok and it felt great to let someone know I hurt. Telling Liam felt even better than telling Gordy. I should just start telling the world I feel like shit and hate everything. Maybe then I would feel better.
“Do you need to talk about it??” He asked trying on some jeans.
“No.” I simply replied. This plan Ned helped me come to realize is I need to just stop going out and talking to people. I need to figure out what I feel before I can do anything. I know I hurt but I need to know what's making me act out in such destructive ways.
“We are always here for you.” Liam mumbled. I looked at him and just nodded. He returned this action saying he understood me. After getting measured and putting on different things we were done in wardrobe. Zayn came in and I went to make up.
“Have a seat.” Rae said. I sat down and noticed colours of makeup everywhere. She started to put on creams and powders. “You are paler than the other boys.” She tried starting conversation.
“I'm Irish.” I said like it was the only excuse I had. I use it a lot for things but some of them don’t make sense. It's just for a laugh. Rae laughed. She wrote on paper some letters and numbers.
“That’s just the skin type you have.” She informed me. I guess I was staring because I didn’t ask anything. She then wrote down numbers. “That is the shade you need and this is the powder you need.” She was talking me through everything. I was learning about makeup which was funny.
“So what do you do for fun??” I asked her.
“Nothing. I do everyone's makeup all the time so I don’t have time for anything fun.” She said picking up a wipe and wiping down my face. It smelled bad but I could tell it was full of chemicals to take off makeup.
“Do you go out??” I asked her.
“No. I don’t have friends. I'm always on the job and just make friends with my clients. Other than that I work with my dad and travel.” She said.
“Your dad??” I looked at her. She paused and looked at me.
“Colby.” She smiled.
“Oh.” I said. She was done and I was to leave so someone else could get everything done. Gordy took me to a room with some papers on a table. We sat down and I shuffled through them. Soon Louis and Liam came in. Zayn entered with his guide and guard. When Harry came in I didn’t bother to look at him.
“Management is here and wants to speak with you.” Ned poked his head in then out. The two guys and one lady shuffled in with their briefcases.
“This show is picking up a lot of attention. We are glad that we came to agreements because we start in two days. Tomorrow is a day of rest no one is to be doing anything too hard on themselves. No parties, no girls, and no alcohol.” They looked at me. “We need everyone alert and ready. Sleep all day if you need too, we just need a fresh One Direction to show up at this studio; door seven at eight A.M. The first round of contestants will be getting ready so make sure to stay out of sight. Your guards will be by your side at all times just in case you run into a problem. You will be judging so make sure to critic them on everything. Don’t be afraid to be harsh.” They looked at Liam. “See you in forty-eight hours boys.” They shuffled out and we just sat there looking at one another.
“This is it.” Liam said.
“Our own TV show.” Zayn added.
“Wow.” Louis said.
“I have to go.” Harry stood up.
“Where too??” Lou asked him.
“Uh… I was just going to get Starbucks.” He glanced at me then looked away. He was lying.
“I'll go with you. I could go for a Grande latte.” Zayn smiled.
“No.” Harry said urgent. “I mean… I'm meeting some old time friend there and I don’t want you to feel left out.” He was definitely lying now.
“Oh. Have fun. Remember to listen to management Harry.” Liam scolded.
“I will Liam.” He nodded and stepped out.
“You know where he is going.” I said bitterly.
“I know.” Liam shook his head.
“So why let him go??” I seethed.
“I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, which isn’t much.” Liam added. Louis was ready to leave because he was walking out with Zayn in tow. Liam stood up and stretched. “I'm going to use this extra day to my advantage.” He yawned. I yawned as a reaction to his reflex. “Looks like you should too.” He didn’t mean me yawning though. I could tell he was basically saying ‘pull your shit together before we do this’. I nodded. We were home faster than I thought. It felt good to fall on my bed and breathe in the musk of my sheets. I haven’t showered in a whilst and I did need to clean some. I took my sheets down stairs and shoved them in the washer. I turned the nobs to the needed cycles and then headed up stairs to shower in my bathroom. As I was stripping down Louis came busting in.
“Sorry mate I need to use this.” He grabbed a straightener and left. There was no privacy in this house. I was getting used to it though. After two years, almost three, you learn. Also Louis only straightens his hair when he has a date. That means El is going to be coming by tonight. I took my time in the shower mostly because I like to think. Harry has definitely shagged her. He doesn’t see a girl more than once unless they continue to have sex. I know he doesn’t like her. It's simple; he wouldn’t screw her if he liked her. He is weird like that. This fame thing has gone to his head and not the one on his shoulders. I don’t know how I'm going to be able to do this show with wanting to comment on everything he says. I just can't stand him right now. I will have to talk to him sometime but I know what he has been doing and I just can't handle actually facing him on it. Plus the stuff he said to me I can't forget. He knows how I feel about her and the only way she would know is if he told her so I know he isn’t on my side anymore. The water got cold so I got out and headed to a bed with no sheets.

Notes