I sat at the kitchen table looking through different websites on my laptop. The past two weeks had been one of the hardest. I had finished up my final article for the magazine, I had to answer calls from my mom and explain to her what exactly was going on. I told her about Louis and I sleeping together, she swore she wouldn’t tell and I basically got the same talk from her, that Harry gave me. She was disappointed in me and it hurt but she also said she’d be here to support me no matter what. She was just confused when she saw my name on various magazines and on the Yahoo homepage with a picture of Louis and I.

If that wasn’t enough, I also had paparazzi’s chasing me around. Usually they were after the boys, but now I was a part of the hype because of that piece of information. The other day we were getting on the tour bus getting ready to leave San Francisco and I was literally yanked back by one of the photographers who were trying to take a picture of me. They had pulled me too hard though making me fall off the steps and fall backwards onto the concrete. The boys and Lou were not happy about that. The paparazzi begged us not to press chargers which I didn’t because I didn’t want any more attention on me.

It’s not just me though, no matter where we go fans or interviewers will ask the boys about the situation.

“Harry, how do you feel about your sister sleeping with your best friend? Do you approve?”

“Louis, where’s Eleanor? Are you and Katherina an item now?”

It was literally the same questions over and over and it was getting exhausting. I didn’t bother getting out of the bus anymore when we made stops, I was afraid we’d run into some paparazzi. I understood management was doing all they could to quiet the rumor but until then we had to just deal with it. Louis and Eleanor have yet to come out with their break up, meaning the press thought everything was fine between the two.

Louis still talks to Eleanor, it’s only been two weeks since we left San Francisco and out of those two weeks he has spent at least three days per week talking to her and usually I can hear their conversations. It’s mostly about how or when they are going to come clean about the break up. She’s still angry at him though, I could hear it with the way Louis is tip toing around her with his words, and he doesn’t want to set her off.

This whole situation was a mess right now and I had to look for a new job, and prepare for Liam’s performance which was at our next stop: Seattle. Louis said I didn’t need any more practice that I should just focus on the actual performing part and make sure Liam and I knew the routine we were planning to do.

On top of everything, I knew now wasn’t the time to think about it but I was sexually frustrated. A girl has needs and the last person I slept with was Louis. I didn’t want to complicate anything more with him so I didn’t even bother questioning if I should go to him. I went from having sex every week to nothing, I mean that takes a toll on someone.

There were all these things piling up and I didn’t know how else to handle them. I sighed and closed my laptop giving up on the job hunt for now. I needed to apply to magazines but I needed to put my portfolio together before I could even send in the application. I laid my head down on the laptop and closed my eyes. It was around 2 in the afternoon and we were on our way to Seattle now, which I was extremely excited about and I had no idea why. It was probably because I would be performing the second night we were there, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

It was a long drive we were halfway there and we had been driving for a couple days, staying the night here and there in hotels. I could hear Josh and Niall laughing at something in the back where they were playing video games; Josh was staying on our bus because he said he missed our faces. We just went along with it.

I stood up and walked to the bunk area, I could see Zayn asleep and Louis was on his phone. He looked up when I walked in and looked back down’ I ignored him. We weren’t awkward with each other; we just didn’t know what to say really. I threw my laptop into my bunk and walked back out to the kitchen but a hand grabbed me. I looked down at the hand that was gripping my wrist.

“Louis…”

“Kat, we need to talk you keep pushing me away. We can’t keep doing this.” I saw Zayn shift in his bunk and I sighed. I didn’t want to deal with a grumpy Zayn because that’s what I would get if I woke him up. I looked back at Louis and saw him already sliding over for I can climb in. I climbed in and lay down on my back looking up at the bunk above his.

“You know how I feel, Louis. You continue to see how far you can push me, you sing these songs that you know will get to me. I told you why I can’t be with you. Especially now with the rumors. If I decide to be with you, it’s bad news for all of you.”

“Even if the guys are okay with it?” He asked looking at me.

“Louis, they say they are okay with it but I can’t put them through that. I can’t put you through that. I care about you, I do-“

“Then why can’t we be together?!”

“Louis do you understand how that would look? The rumor came out two weeks ago, we still have no idea who actually started it and then the week after we start dating? That’s not going to look good.”

“So what? Who cares? That’s your problem; you care too much about what others think of you.” I scoffed at his words.

“I’m sorry that I don’t have a fan base to support my every move! I’m doing this to help you guys; I’m doing this to make sure you guys won’t be affected more than you already are.”

“That’s shit, Kat and you know it.” I leaned up and looked down at him.

“Excuse me?” He mimicked my movements and glared at me.

“It may be one of the reasons but it’s not the full reason. “

“I already told you the full reason.”

“Because you’re scared, you’re scared that I might hurt you.”

“Louis you’ve used me for so long, you’ve treated me like shit, if we were in an actual relationship that would involve me giving you my trust, all of it. Of course, I’m scared. You would be too.”

“But I already told you, I wouldn’t hurt you. It’s the last thing I want to do. You fought so hard for me to feel something, for me to care and now that I am, you don’t want me.”

“God Louis, it’s not that I don’t want you! It’s the complete opposite I want you too much. I know we’re dangerous and we’re deadly to each other and I don’t want to get hurt.”

“Why are you so convinced I’m going to hurt you?” I noticed his tone was getting louder. I bit my lip knowing I shouldn’t say what I was about to, but I did it anyway.

“You hurt Eleanor.” I could see the color drain from his face and the anger rise in his eyes.

“That’s low of you Kat.”

“No Louis, it’s not. I know I was part of the reason you hurt her, but I was single. I know it’s not
an excuse but I wasn’t unfaithful. I have to keep all these aspects in mind, Louis. What if one day we get into a fight and I don’t want to have sex because I’m mad at you and you go out and you find another girl and sleep with her? Exactly how we started? I can’t deal with that, I know I’m not strong enough to deal with that. I won’t be your second Eleanor.”

“And I’m not asking you to be, Kat! God, you do not understand it. I want you, I only want you. I would be faithful to you and I wouldn’t hurt you, not intentionally. You’re not Eleanor and I love that about you. You’re Katherina Styles the girl who is driving me crazy. I know you, I know you’re strong enough to handle all of this, you’re strong enough to trust me and I know you want this relationship.” I looked at him and I could see the pleading in his blue eyes, he looked so worried and so sad. I hated that I was doing this to him.

“How can you say you know me, Louis?! You don’t know me! You know nothing about me, which is another reason why this wouldn’t work! We know nothing about each other!” I practically yelled. I knew I shouldn’t have when I got no reaction from him; nothing but silence. I shook my head; I was getting really tired of our arguments ending like this. I climbed out of the bunk and was about to walk out of the bunk area when I heard his question, it was soft and quiet but I could hear it.

“You think I don’t know you?” I turned around to face Louis. He was climbing out of the bunk area and was now standing right in front of me. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked hurt.

“You don’t, Louis.” He shook his head and laughed but it was a sarcastic laugh, it wasn’t his normal one.

“You’re name is Katherina Styles. Your birthday is November 5 and you want to believe in horoscopes and zodiac signs but they always prove you wrong. You became a vegetarian when you were 13 and haven’t eaten any meat since then. You want a pitbull because you feel like too many people don’t appreciate them. Your favorite band is Paramore and I know you have yet to see them in concert because they are always sold out. You love reading, your favorite book is the Great Gatsby and you don’t just say it to fit in, you actually understand the book and the symbolism in it. You hate wearing fake eyelashes and you hate when girls wear high heels or those shoes with the giant heel, wedges maybe? I don’t know but you hate when they wear them all the time. You love vampires and werewolves but not the Twilight kind. Your favorite movies are Crazy.Stupid.Love, Van Helsing and the Lion King and I know you like to watch shitty American reality television, why I don’t know.” He stopped to take a breath and take a step closer to me.

“I know when you’re sexually frustrated you bite your nails. When you’re stressed you paint them, you can’t sleep unless your phone is charging and you have your favorite pillow with you. I know biting is a major turn on to you and I know that if I bite your neck or your thighs…we wouldn’t be talking right now. I also know that you would do anything for Harry, you love your brother more than you love yourself and you may be older but you love the fact that he’s protective of you.” He stopped to look at me and I couldn’t stop staring at him. My chest was rising up and down and I could feel my body temperature rise. My face was flushed and I didn’t know what to say.

“One last thing, you want this relationship as much as I do. You want to be with me but you’re scared, you’re scared of falling in love. You’re afraid of giving your heart to someone. But Kat, guess what? Sooner or later you’re going to have to let someone in. Funny, just two months ago you were the one telling me to realize that I felt something. I never thought the roles would be switched. The next time you think I don’t know you, think again. You may not know me, but you need to realize that I paid a lot more attention to you then you think, even if I was treating you like shit.” He stepped back and walked away from me into back where Niall and Josh were. I stood there staring at his retreating figure and let it sink in, that everything he said was right. I finally snapped out of my trance and turned around to go back to the kitchen.

I was looking at the ground when I turned around and didn’t see the body that was standing right behind me. I bumped into them and let out a scream making the person laugh. I looked up at Zayn and hit his chest.

“You scared me!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too! But he’s right and you know it. He does know you, maybe not all of you but he knows parts of you and that’s worth giving him a chance.” I looked at Zayn and then blinked. I couldn’t believe he was telling me this.

“You guys are all so confusing; you say one thing and then say something else! Stop talking in cryptic messages!” I pushed Zayn lightly and jumped into my bunk and closed the curtain, not really wanting to talk to anyone. I shook my head and closed my eyes, what the hell was going on with everyone?

I mean I knew Zayn and Louis were both right but I couldn’t bring myself to put that much trust into someone. It was risky and I didn’t want to get hurt, I didn’t want anyone to get hurt which is why not being with Louis seemed like the better idea.

I felt my phone vibrate next to my head making me open my eyes and reach for it. The number was unknown; I usually didn’t answer any unknown numbers but decided to anyways.

“Hello?”

“Well hello, Kat.” My blood ran cold when I heard his voice. I sat up in my bunk.

“Don’t dare say my name out loud; it’ll just draw attention to you. Now, act like everything is normal.” I didn’t say anything.

“Good, so did you enjoy the rumor?” My eyes got wide.

“Tom, you started it? You started the rumor?” The curtain was yanked open and Louis was now looking at me. I put a finger to my lips to silence him. He looked pissed.

“Why, would you do that?” I put Tom on speaker so we could hear him better. Louis pushed me over and climbed into the bunk.

“Oh no, I didn’t tell TMZ or any of those people about it. I just mentioned it to a friend of mine and they were the ones that leaked it.”

“Who did you tell Tom?”

“Where would the fun be in that, Kat?”

“Why did you do it?”

“I told you, if I couldn’t have you, neither could Louis. You’re doing a good job Kat, keep it up and maybe I won’t tell my friend that Louis and Eleanor broke up. I mean if that got out, lord knows what the press would think of you and him. Goodbye Kat.” The line went dead.
I stared straight at the wall in front of me. Who the hell did Tom tell? A friend of his, and how does he know about Eleanor and Louis?

“What the fuck? How does he know so much?” I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know. I was just as confused as Louis.

“So what do we-“

“We can’t do anything Louis. He knows too much, another reason why we can’t be together. I’m trying not to be selfish here and now you see why.” I climbed over him and got out of the bunk.

“Are you going to tell the guys?” I shook my head.

“What’s the point? We can’t do anything…”

“Maybe management can put a restraining order-“

“What for? There’s no point, Tom isn’t getting information himself, and someone is telling him. I don’t know Louis. I’m not going to say anything there’s no point.” I got up and walked to the main room where Harry and Liam were watching a movie. I sat down next to Harry and got comfortable.

“Hello, big sister.” He smiled down at me.

Hello little brother!” He laughed and kissed the top of my head. Even if I was in a shitty mood, my brother knew how to make me smile. I looked over at Liam and saw him already dosing off and Harry looked like he was soon going to follow.

“What are we watching?” Harry shrugged.

“Liam put on 21 Jumpstreet but he seemed bored with it.”

“I can still hear you, you know?” I let out a laugh and rested my head on my brother’s shoulder. I didn’t want to sleep because I knew if I slept I would be up the rest of the night because of my insomnia. I couldn’t help it though when my eyes fell shut and I blocked out my conversation with Louis and my conversation with Tom.

I could hear people walk into the room and my eyes immediately opened when Niall tackled Louis to the ground. The two were now wrestling on the floor, laughing. Josh then decided to jump in so it was all three against each other. I laughed as Josh tackled Louis but Niall tackled Josh so they were rolling on the floor.

“Niall! You’re on the goods!” Louis yelled making Josh push Niall. Niall was now on the floor face down. Josh got on top of him and Louis pushed Josh down so he was laying on top of Niall. Louis was on top of both of them, sitting on them.

“I am victorious!” He yelled making us laugh.

“I am King Tomlinson, bow down to me peasants!” I laughed as he was knocked to the floor. This was another version of Louis I enjoyed. The Louis Tomlinson that smiled and laughed and goofed around with his friends. It was when I saw the 21 year old boy come out of him. I closed my eyes again listening to their conversations. The next thing I remember was seeing Louis walk out of the room with Liam and then everything turned black.

x-x

When I woke up the bus was quiet and it was dark outside. I knew we were still moving because the bus hitting a bump was what woke me up. I got up off the couch, pushing the blanket off of me and stretching. I guess Liam and Harry went to bed but left the blanket and pillow for me. I looked at the clock under the TV, the bright red numbers reading 11:00pm.
I sighed and made my way to the bunk area trying to be as quiet as I could, I knew they were all asleep according to all the snores that filled the space. I walked over to my suitcase and dug through it in search of a pair of pajama pants and a tank top.

I quickly changed into it and made my way back to there I was sleeping previously. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep so I turned the TV back on and threw the blanket over myself. I skimmed through the channels and settled on Doctor Who, one of my favorite shows. I was soon hypnotized by the show that I almost didn’t notice a person walk in and sit down next to me, almost.

I turned to look at who decided to join me and bit my lip when I saw it was Louis. Today I just couldn’t catch a break. I took in his appearance, which consisted of sweat pants and that’s it. He rubbed his eyes and his hair was sticking up in different places, he looked so innocent, so cute. I shook my head and turned my attention back to the TV.

“Why do you watch this shit?”

“If you don’t like it you can walk in one direction, which is back to your bunk.” I heard him let out chuckle at my little joke. I mentally patted myself on the back. During a very intense scene Louis decided to change it and skim through the channels.

“I was watching that.”

“And now I’m changing it.” I rolled my eyes and started to pick at my nails. I started to bite them as I watched the channels change every five seconds.

“Stop biting your nails.” I glared Louis.

“Shut up.”

“When was the last time you had sex?” I kicked him with my foot. I couldn’t believe he was actually asking me that.

“What, it’s just a question.”

“It’s a question you know the answer too.” He didn’t reply, he just continued to flip through the channels. He finally decided to watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I loved this show so I didn’t complain. It was the episode where Ross and Rachel were having their huge fight and Ross slept with someone else when they were on a break.

We sat for the next 15 minutes in silence, not saying anything. As the episode started to end, we watched as Rachel ended things with Ross for good. She was too hurt to take him back after finding out the truth and how he tried to hide it from her. As the credits rolled onto the screen Louis cleared his throat and leaned up.

“I’m not going to fight with you anymore.” I stared at the his back as I heard the words leave his mouth.

“What?”

“I’m not going to fight with you anymore, but I’m also not going to fight for you anymore either.”
His words hit home. I don’t know why but they did. They made my stomach churn and my heart drop. He wasn’t going to fight for me anymore?

“You made yourself clear. I understand why you don’t want to be with me. But I’m also not going to spend the rest of the tour chasing you. I’m sorry Katherina.” I didn’t know what to say. It hurt to hear him say this, but I knew it was also unfair to him. It just seemed to me that he gave up to easily but then again that was selfish of me to think since I kept pushing him away.

“This whole rumor issue, I won’t leave you alone to deal with it. I’ll still be here for you but I can’t keep begging you to give me a chance.”

“So what, now you’re going to go back to Eleanor?” My tone was a lot harsher than I intended it to be.

“No, it’s not fair if I put her through anything more.” He was surprisingly calm about this.

“Goodnight Katherina and I’m sorry.” I watched as he got up and walked away from me. I told myself that this would be the best for us but as I watched him walk away I could feel my heart fall from my chest and to my stomach. I could feel the tears come to my eyes and most of all I could feel the heartbreak that I was dreading this whole time.

Notes

Hello all! Hopefully you enjoyed this; I know you kind of hate me. Everything happens for a reason.
Next chapter is the big performance! I’m so excited to write it! It’s finally here.
By the way, I LOVE YOU ALL FOR GETTING THIS STORY TO A 10! You all are amazing.
I love you all and thank you for voting, subscribing and commenting. I know my updates have been slow and I’m sorry but life likes to get in the way.
I’m also glad you guys enjoyed the song I choose in the previous part for Louis to sing. It seemed to just fit them.
Well I love you all, and keep up the commenting and all that jazz.
Quick question, where are you guys from? I was just curious to see whose reading my story!
I’m from Los Angeles, California. Leave a comment of where your from and what you thought of this part!
Love you all!
<3 Vix