Dahlia’s Point of View

It was ten at night by the time I pulled up to the small, run-down motel in Albany where Vince had informed me Harry was. I was feeling nervous and anxious, but I knew I needed to take a deep breath and go find Harry. By this point, it didn’t matter to me whether we were holding hands by the time we left, or if we were just simply walking together as friends. I just needed to know that I wasn’t going to lose Harry from my life, because I don’t think I could manage.

It was surprisingly easy to locate Harry in his room; the hard part was working up the courage to knock on his door. I knew for certain I was the reason he had left, the reason he went MIA for so long, but I tried not to think too much on why. I sent up a prayer hoping things could and would be resolved by the time we left here.

I finally collected a deep breath and made contact to the rusty door where I was told Harry is staying in. No answer. Another five knocks yielded the sound of a deep groan, which I knew all too well was my Harry.

A surge of excitement coursed through me hearing his heavy footsteps against the floor inside the motel room. With my heart in my throat, the door flung open to a disheveled looking Harry, his long hair in his face, his clothes dirty and his hands rubbing his eyes from the sunlight.

“What do you need?” he rasped out angrily, still unaware that it was me standing in front of him.

I waited for him to remove his hands from his eyes, but had no such luck. I raised my hands and circled them around his wrists, slowly pulling his arms down to his side. “Hi.”

Harry tensed and froze at the sight and sound of me. “What are you doing here?” he finally whispered, looking at me like I was a figment of his imagination.

“Can I come in?” I asked shyly, nervous of what his answer may be.

He nodded slowly and watched me move past him into the room. “Lia…”

“Harry,” I cut him off, “we need to talk. You shouldn’t have just run away like that.”

A look of weary and pain took over his features; he knew damn well I was right. “We can’t… we shouldn’t have—“

I held up my hand to interrupt him again. “Just listen to me for five minutes, all right?”

Once he nodded, I motioned for him to take a seat next to me on the unmade bed. At first, our proximity was much too close, but I was making up excuses. Come clean, Dahlia.

“Louis and I had been broken up for a month when he died,” I managed to say. A swell of emotions hit me, and I felt my eyes tearing up just at the memory. Hearing Harry’s sharp intake of breath also didn’t help the matter. “No one knew,” I continued, “we had been dating for so long that we probably both thought the break-up was just temporary, that we’d end up back to what we always knew.”

“Lia, why are you telling me this?” Harry asked, his eyes fixed on his knotted fingers.

“Just listen, okay?”

After his nod, I continued. “I was the one who ended things… I’ll spare you the details, but I just knew in my heart that what we had, wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I still loved him, but it wasn’t enough. I’m telling you this because I know the reason you’re here is because we kissed… I know you think we shouldn’t have because of everything with Louis being your best friend and all, so I needed to tell you that my heart doesn’t belong to him anymore, and not just because he died. I’ll always hold him in my heart because we had gone through so much in our lives, but not in the way you think. You don’t need to feel guilty for what we did.”

“But I do, Dahlia.” Harry stood up and began pacing around the small room. “Maybe you two weren’t together before the accident, but that doesn’t justify all of the times I thought about you when you were together. Lia, I’ve wanted you since the day I met you, do you know how hard it was for me to watch you be in love with someone else, let alone my best friend? I couldn’t wait for the day you two broke up, but even then I knew I wouldn’t have a chance. It would be wrong to date my mate’s ex girlfriend...”

Harry laughed sardonically as he threaded his hands through his unkempt hair. “I’m a fucking bastard, Lia! I wished you two would break up every day. If I couldn’t have you, then neither should Louis, right? All those fucking nights on the tour bus… I thought I was going to go insane seeing you with him. How you guys would kiss in front of me and laugh, then you would go sleep in the same bunk. And then there were the days when Louis went out to record in the studio, and you’d stay with me and the other guys, making us cookies and laughing with us. Fuck Lia!” His yell startled me. "You had me at fucking hello, and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it because you were his. All the times I wished something would happen to you two so that I could maybe have a chance… And then he dies, and that’s when I get my chance. That’s not okay, Lia! I may have been an asshole back then, but I can’t do it now.”

By now, the tears that had welled up in my eyes were slowly trailing down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe everything I was hearing, and I didn’t know how to respond to his words. I was frustrated in the fact that he had it all wrong. I wanted him too.

“Harry.” My voice is small, and I really don’t know what else to say.

It was wrong for us to have these feelings for each other while I was dating Louis, but we should have done something about it. I wasn’t all in with Louis, and I should have been honest with him. Louis was my first and only love, and I suppose that’s why I didn’t want to ruin things. I felt safe… comfortable. Breaking up with him only to shack up with Harry would not be safe. And so I stayed with Louis.

Of course, I never thought Harry felt the same for me all these years. Sure, we had a close relationship, but again, I didn’t want to risk all I had. I don’t regret staying with Louis, because I truly did love him, but as I told Harry—not in the way that I should’ve. I didn’t love him enough. Our relationship was unlike most you see, but that’s a whole other story.

I stand and walk over to where Harry leans against the old table in the corner of the motel room. I take his hands in mine and wait for him to look at me, so he can see my sincerity, but his eyes remain glued to the outdated carpet.

“Please look at me, Harry,” I beg.

“Lia,” he whispers as if it hurts him to say my name. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t do this. We can’t do this.”

I’m at a loss for words; I have no clue what I should say in order to put this all behind us. At this point, I just need him in my life. I'll take what I can get.

“Let’s go home.” I tug on his hand, but he’s a deadweight. “Just please let me get you home. We can talk about this later or we can just forget about it. You know what, let’s just do that. Nothing happened, so let’s head back to the city and go on with our lives.”

I tug his hand again, but he doesn’t move again. He pulls his hands from mine and rubs his eyes for a minute. When he finishes, he keeps his head down, but puts his arms my middle and hugs me tightly.

I’m not sure why, but it causes me to tear up again as I put my arms around his neck. A couple of sobs rack through his body as he holds me, so I rub his back for comfort, whispering to him that everything will be okay, and that we will be fine. I’m reminding him as much as myself.

---

Harry’s Point of View

I decided to leave my motorcycle in Albany when Lia said she had a car waiting. I knew it wouldn’t be smart to drive, and I just wanted to be near her.

I was still processing everything she told me, silently deciding what I’d do. I was mentally jumping for joy that she said her and Louis had been broken up when he passed away, but I was also hating the fact that my guilt was blocking me from taking things further with her.

I remained silent most of the way, desperately trying to figure out what I should say to her. I was torn between right and wrong… or at least that’s what I thought.

My mind is full of shit, and I don’t even know what is right and wrong at this point.

We were both sitting in the back seat while the driver made his way back to the city. We had been driving for an hour before I couldn’t resist the urge to hold her hand.

Lia looked up at me when she felt my hand encircle hers; a look of hope etched in her beautiful features. The small smile she gave me melted my heart, and it made me realize I need to be a man she deserves. And right now, I’m not.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper to her. I wasn’t quite sure why I had apologized, there are too many things I should be apologizing for, so I suppose everything. For leaving and not calling her, for yelling at her… the list goes on.

I reach over and unbuckle her seatbelt, and pull her so she’s sitting next to me, my arms around her in the best hug we can manage for sitting in the backseat of a car. I kiss the top of her head, breathing in the amazing scent of her shampoo.

Her small arms encircle my neck, and I feel her begin to cry. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.” She shakes her head and pulls one of her arms away to wipe her eyes, keeping her head down.

I take a deep breath while I mentally force myself to speak. “You know how I feel about you, Lia. I wish more than anything it was me that you fell in love with ten years ago in Spain, but we can’t change that. I want to be someone you deserve, and since the day Louis introduced you to me, I haven’t been a very honorable man. That’s what you deserve, an honest, respectable man. You don’t know how hard it was for me to leave your apartment that night when we kissed… I’d been waiting for that moment since the day I laid my eyes on you, but we can’t, Lia. Maybe… maybe one day, but it’s too soon. You just lost your boyfriend of ten years, and I don’t know… you might just be feeling lonely.” That would kill me if all I was, was her rebound. My heart aches at the thought.

Lia begins to protest, but I cut her off and pull her closer. “Everything you told me is going to take some time to process, but for now, I think it’s best for us to just stay friends. I know it might be hard, but I hope you feel like I do in the sense that I don’t want to lose you from my life now that I’ve got you back. We still have a lot of talking to do, but I don’t want to ruin or relationship.”

I take a deep breath after my mini-speech, and wait (impatiently) for Lia to say something. I just want to know that we will be okay, because I couldn’t handle anything less.

Why can’t I still be an asshole and just kiss her right now? Forget that she was my best mate’s girl and make her mine now that he’s gone?

Because Lia deserves better than a selfish asshole. I will wait until we both know that this is what we want, and then we will go from there.

I still have so much to tell her that she doesn’t know, and I know she’s holding back on things, too. We need to get to know each other again, and not just as me being her boyfriend’s friend. I want her to know Harry. I want to know Dahlia Rae Evans. Not Lia, Louis’s girlfriend.

“Okay,” she whispers, pulling me from me conflicting thoughts. “I just… I can’t lose you, Harry. Not you too.”

My heart aches at her words. All I can do is hold her close to me in a solent assurance that I will never leave her. That she won’t lose me.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

Notes

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