They Don't Know About Us

“H-Harry?”

“Can we talk?” He asked.

“S-sure.” I stuttered.

He walked in the house behind me. I walked in the kitchen to fix us some tea. He sat at the bar while I put the kettle on.

“Why are you doing this to me?” He asked pained.

“Doing what?” I asked confused.

“Cut the shit Taylor, you know exactly what.” He scoffed.

“No Harry I don’t.”

“You parading your little relationship with Niall around like I don’t even exist? Really?” His words shocked me. Seriously?

“Last time I checked, YOU were the one parading a relationship around in front of my face! YOU are the one who decided to throw a whole relationship away for a stupid publicity stunt! YOU are the one acting like the shallow douche bag!” I shouted.

“Last time I checked, you were the one that ended things, not me!” He shouted, now standing.

“Because you were brushing me off like I didn’t even matter! I tried to be okay with this whole thing, I really did, but I’m not! Do you really think I wanted to break up with you? I loved you! Hell, I still love you! But that doesn’t change a damn thing!” I screamed, tears brimming my eyes. “Do you know how hard it is to go to your mom’s house and see you with the girl that took you away from me? Do you? Cause I don’t think you do. You don’t know what it’s like to be hurt by the guy that you gave everything to! You don’t know what it’s like to watch him take her out hand in hand, while you sit at home wondering when he’ll be home or if he’ll even come home! You will never know the pain I felt and am still feeling!”

He was immediately in front of me taking my face in his hands tilting my face up and kissing my lips. There it was, the spark that I’d always felt. The love I’d known for two years, it was all coming back. The feelings, the memories, everything was rushing back into my thoughts.

He pulled back looking into my eyes. Instead of seeing the man I’d fallen in love with, I saw the man that hurt me. The man that is still hurting me. I couldn’t bear to look into his mesmerizing eyes any longer.

“I-I think you better go.” I sniffled looking away. He tried pulling me in again but I held my hand up in protest. “Harry, don’t.”

He hung his head in defeat. When he looked up, he had tears in his eyes. “Just know, I still love you.” He whispered kissing my forehead.

It pained me to see him walk away, but it was what was best for us. Or was it?

Harry’s POV:

As I walked out of the house, tears blurred my vision. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve really lost her this time. I’ve lost the girl who completely owned every bit of my heart.

I heard the door open and close. Looking up, I saw Niall. His face remained still as I walked closer to him.

“P-Please take care of her. If you love her, please do that much. Don’t fuck it up like I did, it’s not worth it. She deserves the world, and you better give that to her. And don’t you dare hurt her, I’ve done enough of that, she doesn’t need anymore. You don’t have to worry about me, I’ve lost her. I’mq an idiot, I should have been there. So, just love her and be good to her. She’s my everything; don’t lose her like I did.”

Taylor’s POV:

Niall came in from the game a few minutes after Harry left, his face showed a mix of emotions. He walked up to me taking my face in his hands and kissing my forehead. “I’ll never hurt you.”

He whispered.

***

Lying in bed that night, Niall slept soundly. I found myself wide awake; my thoughts were based solely on the curly haired boy that had left just a few hours before. Did he really mean what he said? Did he still love me?

***

(Back in NY)

I was in full rehearsal mode as preparations for my New Year’s Eve performance were being made. During breaks I would text or call or Skype Niall. I missed him, but part of me missed Harry. I still couldn’t get the image of him walking away out of my head. It was like it was permanently branded into my brain. The hurt on his face and in his voice, I just don’t know what to do.

“Tay? You okay?” Ryder asked as she stared at me with concern on her pretty face.

“Did I make a mistake? Was breaking up with Harry a mistake?” I asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Ry, I miss him. So much. Like I don’t even know how to deal with this. It’s like I miss him, but I never want to talk to him again. I’m stuck in the middle.”

It took me a minute to realize she wasn’t standing there anymore. I eventually packed up my things and headed home.

***

“Ni? Can I ask you something?” I asked while we were having our nightly phone call.

“Of course.”

“Please don’t be pissed off or start doubting anything okay? I just want to know.”

“Okay…”

“I heard you and Harry talking the other day. What did he say?” I asked fiddling with my fingers.

He sighed before saying, “He told me to take care of you and not fuck it up like he did. He told me to give you the whole world, because he didn’t. He told me to always be there for you, because he wasn’t. He told me not to hurt you, because he did enough of it already. He told me to love you because you were his everything, and not to lose you like he did.”

His words brought me to tears, making me miss Harry even more now. He has never said something like that, never. He’s never outspokenly told anyone his feelings for me.

“You miss him don’t you?” Niall said after a while.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Niall, I love you,-“

“But you love him too, maybe more. I understand.” He said sadly.

“Niall, I just don’t know what to do anymore.” I said quietly into the phone taking my face in my hands.

“Well, just know I’ll be here when you figure it out.” He said and hung up the phone.

Why does this keep happening to me?

***

The next two days I spent rehearsing, trying to focus and keep the two boys that I loved out of my thoughts.

Everywhere I turned, there she was. Every time she made eye contact with me, she stared daggers. I don’t know why she thought she had any reason to hate me, because I was the victim in this whole situation, she was the cause. Finally, the last day if rehearsals before we were allowed to take off for home for Christmas, I confronted her.

“So, um, wanna tell me why that every time I look at you, you have a cold stare?” I asked as I casually walked up to her.

“You should know why, you were accusing my relationship of being fake and living in this delusional world that you and Harry were a thing at some point. Yeah, I don’t believe that for a second. You are so not his type.” She scoffed.

“Your relationship is fake! Modest set up the whole fucking thing to get both sides more publicity! Are you that stupid? And please tell me what Harry’s type is since you obviously know everything about him!” I started. She ignored me rolling her eyes. ”Lemme guess, skinny, flat chested, pale, blonde haired, tone-deaf freak of nature whore? Sounds like a keeper!” She remained silent. I knew I was getting to her and it felt good, no great.

“You know what I don’t get about you? You think that you can just pop up into someone’s life and expect them to forget everything they once had for you. As if you were the better choice. Well bitch, I’m here to tell you that will not be happening anymore! I’ve had it with your shit! You are fucking 23 years old, act like it! I know twelve year olds more mature than you! Stop jumping from guy to guy just to get a song out of it! That is pathetic! I may not write most of my own songs, but when I do, I write it about things I’ve dealt with, but I don’t humiliate people and make every guy I’ve ever dated look like a dick for the sake of a paycheck! I was raised better than that! And you know what? It’s not always the guy’s fault! It’s sometimes the girl’s! I learned that first hand! And let me tell you, it sucks knowing that you hurt someone! It’s probably the worst feeling in the world besides someone you truly love and care about hurting you! And don’t say what you have with Harry is real, because it sure as hell isn’t! You don’t know what real is! I do, I had it with Harry. I loved him and he loved me. We kept out relationship a secret so neither of us would get hurt! So if you still don’t believe that Harry and I ever dated, ask him when you see him next. Ask Niall, ask anyone who is close to him. His mother will tell you that she loves me. His sister will tell you she despises you. Anyone will tell you that what Harry and I had was real, because it was.” I said starting to walk off but remembered one last thing. “Oh and don’t you dare go and try to sell this to a magazine to make you look like the victim, because you and I both know that sure as hell is not the case.”

**

“BATTLE OF THE TAYLOR’S”

“TAYLOR MOORE AND TAYLOR SWIFT FEUDING?”

“WATCH OUT! CAT FIGHT! THE CLAWS ARE COMING OUT!”

Read most of the headlines of the next week’s magazines. I rolled my eyes at the lies and stupidity contained in the articles. Like I predicted, I was put out as the bad guy in the whole situation. Taylor was claiming that I was ‘trying to seduce Harry’ and ‘butting into her relationship’. It was beyond ridiculous and childish.

“Have you seen the new ones?” I asked Jason as he walked into the meeting room.

“Yes, it’s not true is it?” He asked looking at me.

“Of course not.” I replied honestly.

“Good, because we can’t have you distracted between now and the performance.” He said walking out of the room.

“Too late.”

**

As I was packing to go home for Christmas, I noticed a manila envelope in the bottom of my suitcase. I opened it and pulled out three very special things; a picture of Harry and me, a handwritten letter from Harry, and his paper airplane necklace.

I pulled out the picture, I noticed there was a little note attached as well.

Remember this night? It was the night I told you I loved you for the first time. Truth be told, I loved you before that. I remember how beautiful it was that night, and how beautiful you were. The city lights just made your eyes sparkle like nothing I had ever seen before. God, you were breathtaking. I was nervous, I didn’t know if you felt the same. I was certain of my feelings, I had never felt anything like this before in my life. I have never been in love like this before. I knew I didn’t just love you, I was in love with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. If we didn’t meet that day on the red carpet, we would probably find our way eventually. You know why? Because we’re meant for each other, no made for each other. You’re my soul mate, my everything, words can not describe how much you mean to me. I just love you so much… -H

I sat there reading the note over and over again. Tears continuously ran down my face. I hesitated opening the letter, I knew it would only bring more.

Well, this is one place I never thought we would end up, broken and apart. It hurts me so much that I can’t call you mine anymore. I would give anything to get that back, to get you back. I miss you so much. Everything reminds me of you. My pillow still smells like your perfume, I always thought you smelled so good. Your stuff remains untouched in the top right drawer of my dresser. Your ring is still on the chain around my neck. Our matching tattoos still never fail to make me smile, even now. I remember that day so well. It was almost 11 p.m., we were all bored and decided to get tattoos. When you got yours, you only let me in the room with you. You made me talk to you to distract you. If you only knew how many times I wanted to kiss you in that moment alone… God, I miss you. I miss your eyes, I miss your smile, I miss hearing your voice, I miss everything about you. Remember what you said about how I don’t know what you’re feeling? Well, I do now. After realizing that I’ve actually lost you this time, I feel it. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I am so sorry I put you through this. I am so sorry about everything that I have let happen. I am sorry I let us go. I am sorry that I let you go. I am sorry I wasn’t the man you deserved. I shouldn’t have kept you a secret. I should have been shouting from the rooftops that I have the most wonderful woman in my life and I love her more than anything. I should have taken you to every party, because I know how much you love to dance. I should have taken you to Utah, because I know how excited you were about it. I should have been the boyfriend you needed. Instead, I’m some stupid jerk who lost the girl he loves. I can’t even begin to tell you how selfish I feel, how low and vile I feel because of the pain I caused you. It’s not fair to you to have to go through this. About the other day, I thought accusing you of doing what I was doing would make it seem like I wasn’t entirely the bad guy, but now that I take a step back, I realize that I am. I realize that I need to just let you be happy, let you forget about me. I hope you’re happy, I hope Niall will give you everything you deserve and more. I hope he’ll love you unconditionally. I hope he takes care of you and does everything in his power to keep you happy and safe at all times. I hope he realizes how good he has it. And I hope you know that I will always love you, no matter what. Nothing could ever stop me from loving you. Nothing.

I love you. -H

P.S. I want you to have the necklace. I know how much you have always liked it, so it’s yours now. xxx