Amour 2: Forever Yours

Chapter 3 My water breaks on a Sunday, October 11th. Much to my disadvantage Louis has gone out conveniently to buy a few things and I'm upstairs in my study when I feel the leg of my pants grow wet. I drop the books in my hand as some form of panic sets in but I quickly grab my phone sending an alarming message to Louis. I keep my breathing measured and controlled as I change into a clean pair of pants before hearing the door slam closed then hurried footsteps on the ataircase. Louis bursts into the room with a wild look in his eyes. "Are you sure?" Is his first question. "Of course I'm sure." I retaliate. I'm a doctor so I should be clear on what this feels like - theoretically of course. There was always a bag packed for this very occasion and this time Louis cares not for the other drivers as he whizzes through the streets to the hospital. The lights are bright adding fuzz to my previously blurred vision. The doctor had offered me many options for giving birth but I wanted to push and wanted to do a natural birth basing the decision solely on what I know about the effects in your health. What was I thinking? The pain is searing and not to be underestimated, television really doesn't do justice. My fingernails are driven into Louis' hand as I try to obey both doctor and nurse while focus on the soothing voice of my husband. I feel like everything below my belly button is being shoved into a grinder. A hevy-duty, Man of Steel bloody grinder. Its like trying to force a basketball into a fucking golf hole. Closing my eyes I wait for the doctor's orders before I'm told to push. Pushing isn't exactly what you expect it to be and the blue disposable curtain that bombards my sight doesn't do much either. I see the red in multiple places, blood that has been in me for three months short of a year. "You're doing fine, babe. Just a little more." Louis says in an effort to calm me but all I want to do is yell and curse at everything. Neither is it over soon, I'm left in an embodiment of swearing and sweat for what could be an entire day. Finally the faint cry of a new life fills my ears and it's all I hear. My body's exhaustion and aching is far from depleted but I'm too eager to hold what's been a physical part of me for nine months. "It's Leo." Louis is holding him. A blob of cream from what my foggy sight can pick up. He's wrapped in a soft towel before given to me to hold. My arms have enough strength to hold crying baby boy for a little while before he's taken away by a nurse. My first impulse is to beg for more time but soon realizing that since we have a private room he will be brought back in real soon. "Congratulations, baby." Louis kisses my forehead. "Congratulations." I smile weakly. I'm cleaned up and left in our room alone with Louis. He offers me everything to eat but I don't have the strength to eat and I fall into a sleep. My body aches all over and I occasionally shiver from the cold but when I wake up I never want to close my eyes again. "They just brought him back." Louis tells me softly. He is holding little Leo and rocking him slowly in a baby blue blanket courtesy of the department. "Can I hold him?" I ask feeling odd about the question. Louis chuckles before standing and carefully giving him to me, perching himself on the edge of my bed. I'm fully aware of the rattling ache in the lower regions of my body. "He has your eyes." Louis tells me. Leo is awake and blinking up with brown eyes at me. Curling his little fingers around my index finger he closes them again before making a little baby sound that makes me want to cry. I hold him up close to my heart and kiss his forehead. "He has your hair." I say to Louis resting my head on his shoulders. "How can you tell?" "He's a boy, Louis." "Good point. Are you in pain?" "Immense pain but it doesn't matter." I watch little Leo sleep for about twenty minutes before I feel drowsy myself and cuddle closer to Louis. He puts Leo into his crib before climbing into the bed with me and helping me sleep. "You know you have to breastfeed him?" Louis clearly doesn't want to sleep and I hear the amusement in his tone of voice. "I am well aware of that." I respond nestling under his chin. When I awaken the flourescent hospital light is no less harsh but I do need to shower. By hospital rules I'm allowed to bathe as often as I'd like during my stay, might as well take advantage. My body is much too sore and stewing in a broken, dismantled feeling to move on my own. I shuffle very slowly, cautiously out of Louis sleeping hold and swing my legs over the edge. Big mistake. I bite my tongue so that I don't cry out and wake Louis or little Leo. I stand but my legs are shaking, too weak to carry my weight so I sit back down. I think about whether to awaken Louis or not. Tell him I can't move a muscle without experiencing cruel pain. Maybe I shouldn't. But I really need to use the bathroom. "Louis?" I poke his arm. He doesn't respond. "Louis?" I say louder. He stirs in his slumber, opening his eyes after a little while. "Sam?" "I need to use the bathroom." I tell him as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. "I can't move." "Alright." He gets up and comes around to stand in front of me. "What do I do?" "I don't know." I shrug. "Want me to carry you or.........?" I ruffles his hair. "Want me for moral support?" I roll my eyes. "Please help me get to the bathroom." "Yes, my love." He picks me up off the bed bridal style and I nearly shriek from the speed of his actions. I'm constantly beaten into exhaustion by this overruling anything but dull ache originating in my lower region. In the bathroom Louis unecessarily helps me strip down and fill the tub. My front has completely flattened to its original form now, allowing me the advantage of not attending the gym to work off the baby fat. The salt tossed in with the warm water rubs against my skin and it feels like tiny uncomfortable granules sitting under me. "Sure you don't want me to stay?" Louis asks sitting down on the edge of the tub. He wasn't going to leave even if I asked him to. I yawn covering my mouth. "What time is it?" "Somewhere around six. Did you call Aggie?" "No. I thought you did." "I didn't. I thought you had." "I was the one in labour." "I was there too!" He defends himself. "Yes, you were." He bends down and presses his lips to mine in a quick union, leaving me pouting when he pulls back to take out his phone. "I'll be right back. Gonna give 'em a call." He says before leaving. When we get home a day later I'm too tired to do anything but sleep. I carried Leo in and Louis took him from me the second I asked for time to use the bathroom again. After yet another thirty minute bathing period I'm lying on our bed in Louis' Manchester United soccer jersey. He walks in with Leo in his arms and laughs when he sees me. "Its actually cold outside." He comments. I stick my tongue out childishly at him as he hands me Leo. "I'm going to shower." He says and drags his shirt over his head. I let Leo fall asleep on my chest, his tiny fist clenched tightly around the fabric of my shirt right on the football club's team logo. I kiss his forehead and rest one hand on his back, my left hand has Leo's fingers wrapped around my ring finger. His eyes are chocolate brown like mine and he stares at me through innocent, clear orbs. I smile at him finding so many resemblances between him and Louis. He sneezes softly and I rub his back soothingly. I've breastfed him thrice already and inspite of my previous hesitance, doing it didn't hurt.

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