Gone

Okay, what the actual fuck? I hated it when he did this, messed around with my head. That was what he was doing. It just had to be. It was the only possible explanation for his little outburst. He wouldn't say I love you and mean it. Not to me, not to anyone. But then again, why would he lie? He didn't love me.

He never had and he was incapable of changing that for anyone, especially me. I was trying to suppress that unexplainable love I had for him early last year but now that he'd brought it up I was feeling all weird inside.

"Josh...I...y-y-you,"
I couldn't even say a full sentence without stuttering. This was the moment I had been waiting for since I had said it to him. That one time I had finally come clean about how I felt.

As soon as it was over I'd gotten rid of that memory, pushed it right back to the back of my mind and hit the delete button on my brain. Yet here it was, playing over and over again in my brain like it had happened just yesterday.

I was confused though about whether or not he meant it. There was a chance he was just 'pussing my balls' as he liked to call it. I kind of hoped he was telling the truth for once, that he actually fancied me. It definitely wouldn't change anything though.

No, I wasn't going to just drop everything and run into his arms. I wasn't stupid. Even if this was real he could turn back into a pumpkin at any moment. Besides, I had a boyfriend who didn't sleep with my best friend and then date her. I really wanted to know why Josh was dating Amber though. If he was into me he wouldn't be dating her. Honestly it didn't make any sense. God guys were confusing.

"Kaia, I love you. I think I have done for quite some time but I've been too afraid to say anything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. For being a dick, for sleeping with Amber. Everything I do is because I have those feelings for you. I can't explain it but we are perfect together and-"
I held up my hand to cut him off.

"Josh..." I choked out, my voice croaky, "you had you're chance and you blew it. It's too late. I'm with Niall and you're with Amber. That is that,"
I couldn't even look at him.

Notes

DONE