Gone

I couldn't believe he had just done that, I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was unable to talk or even move. That's how infuriated I was right now. We were both in relationships. How could he do that to me, to himself?

Why would he kiss me when today I had seen him practically stick his tongue down his girlfriend's throat? I wished he would make up his mind already and pick one of us. I desperately hoped it wouldn't be me. He'd had his chance and he'd blown it. I was a firm believer in second chances but with Josh there was no point.

I just couldn't make sense of it. When he finally let me go I just stood there, glaring at him through hot tears. That's all I was capable of. My muscles felt all stiff, as if I was made of tin and time a tear rolled down my face, I became rustier.

Not only had I cheated on Niall but I'd also broke the promise I'd made myself. The one I about forgetting him for good. All the memories of last year came rushing back. I did my best to dismiss them, to pretend those 'feelings' weren't there any more. Or even better, weren't there at all. I found it difficult though.

I had no choice. I'd been there, done that. Or, almost if we were talking about that. I didn't want to go back to him. It hadn't ended well last time so it probably wouldn't end any differently the second time.

Was he going to tell Amber about this? Or even worse, Josh? I'd threaten him, I decided. What did I have on him though?
"I love you too Kaia," he whispered.
My heart almost stopped as I realised what he was referring to exactly.

Flashback:

I was in love with him and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated to think about it, to admit it to even myself but the term 'like' or 'crush' was definitely an understatement at this point in time. I couldn't help it. It had nothing to do with me wanting to feel this way.

I was actually really annoyed about the feelings I had for him. Not to mention ashamed. That's just the way it was though. Why did it have to be him of all people? He was the one guy in my life who would never love me back. He loved me for my body.

That was it though, that was as far as it would ever go. It killed me inside just to think about it. And that was the only reason why I kept this 'thing' we had going, just so I could see him. I'd fantasise about the day he'd finally confess his undying love for me and call it a relationship, treat me like a queen, and tell the whole world about us without being even the slightest bit ashamed or shy about it. Deep down I knew it was only a fantasy and that's all it would ever be.

Notes

DONE!!!!!