Gone

I had seen this happen before-to Amber. She'd had plenty of guys after her-most of whom weren't very nice to her. Yet as they confessed their apparent feelings for her, they'd turned to mush and become actual human beings. Just for a moment. It made no sense to me. Amber had explained it to me on multiple occasions though.
"The attitude is there to hide their emotions," she had said to me while walking to the bus stop after school one afternoon.
And now it had happened to me.

I hated it. I hated that Josh liked me in that way. Just thinking about it made me feel sick. I didn't know what to do or say so I just lay down and covered my face with the doona. This was all too much for me to handle right now. He had to pick now to tell me that. I had a boyfriend for God's sake. This time last year the feeling would've been mutual, I would've liked him back. But things were different now. He had made a decision by not fighting for me, by not telling me how he really felt when I needed to hear it the most. He had had his chance and he blew it. Why couldn't the ground just swallow me whole? At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this mess, with him.

"Kaia, I'm sorry..." he whispered, "...but I can't help how I feel,"
And he was right, he couldn't help it. But he could've at least kept his feelings to himself. Just until I wasn't dating anyone. I mean, what did he think I would do when he told me this? Drop everything and run back into his arms? Pretend like everything was fine? I wasn't as naive as I used to be, that's for sure.
“Why now though? Why not a year ago?” I choked out.

I lifted up the covers slightly so my voice wasn’t muffled. I had a right to know why, after all this time; he had only now decided to confess. He was hesitant to answer, as if trying to come up with some sort of excuse for his actions.
“I just…I don’t know. Niall is nice and all but from what I’ve noticed he seems to like you more than you like him,”
Was he for fucking real right now? He had to be joking.

“I’m serious,” He continued as if had read my thoughts, “Come on, think about it. Why else would-”
I had heard enough so I spoke over the top of him.
“Un fucking believable. You can’t stand to see me happy so you try to convince me that I’m better off without the one guy I’ve ever truly cared about,”
Josh stopped for a moment and thought about what I had just said. But then he continued to go on at me.

“He probably has a girlfriend back home in Scotland or wherever the hell he’s from,”
This time he’d taken it too far. For the last time, it was Ireland not Scotland. But I knew for a fact Josh was just talking shit. Nothing new there though.

Notes

DONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!