Gone

I stuck my earphones in and stared into space, blaring my music at top volume. I didn't move a muscle as Josh took a seat next to Niall and Amber at the table. I could see their mouths moving out of the corner of my eye but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Amber waved a hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I still didn't even look at her. I was deep in thought. I couldn't stop analysing what Niall had said about her earlier. I hadn't had anyone into me the way he was into her. It had taken me until now to realise I would probably never have that. I would be forever alone. Doomed to become a crazy cat lady. I could just imagine when I'm old the children would refer to me as the grumpy old hag who lives in the haunted mansion. I wasn't admitting to wanting a boyfriend nor was I jealous of my best friend. No, I was merely coming to the conclusion that it's better to have someone than no one.

I flinched as Amber ripped both of my earphones out.
"Kaia, are you okay?" She asked.
I glanced at her briefly and shrugged. She looked and sounded worried. Was I though? Not even I knew.
"Honestly? No," I finally replied.
Everyone stopped their conversations and turned to look at me. I guess it was because no one ever said they weren't okay.
"Josh, I think you should leave," Amber said.
"I'll leave when Kaia tells me she doesn't want me here,"
The tone of his voice almost suggested that he cared about how I felt. It was as if he knew Amber was speaking for me and it wasn't necessarily how I was feeling even if I didn't have the balls to say so. I was so out of it I couldn't have cared less whether or not he left. I stole a glance at him. He ran a hand through his dark brown hair and raised his eyebrows.

A warm feeling rushed over my body. All of a sudden I felt my breakfast travelling up and down my throat. Shit, I thought as I fled to the girl's bathroom. I knelt in front of the toilet, doubled over, hands around my stomach. I hadn't even bothered to shut the door. Amber barged in. I could feel her eyes boring into my skin as she stood behind me.
"Oh my God K," she said under her breath.
She sat down on the floor of the cubicle and fiddled with my hair. I had lost the urge to vomit but I still felt sick in the stomach.
"What's going on?" She whispered.
This time she sounded sincere. I could tell she was trying hard not to panic. To be honest I wasn't doing much better. I was beginning to wonder if I was pregnant. I sincerely hoped not. I could think of nothing worse. I was trying to forget about what had happened at that party. I didn't want to have the evidence under my sweater for nine months for the whole world to see.

I badly wanted to tell her everything, to let it all out. Keeping it bottled up was killing me but I couldn't tell her. I knew exactly how she would react. I knew exactly what she would say. She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't even try. Not the Amber I knew. Judgemental, self absorbed but loyal. Eventually she would come to terms with the huge mistake I had made but it would take a week or two. If I was going to tell her, it had to be at the right time. I couldn't do it here, not now. The timing would determine how she would handle everything.
"I'm really worried about you. Please tell me. You know you can,"
Of course I knew I could. Doesn't mean I should. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I didn't know what to say. I had to say something. But what could I say if I wasn't going to tell her the truth? I was speechless which was saying something considering I usually spoke to her non stop even if it was about nothing.

Notes

I am back from camping and won't be on the internet all night, I will update what I have written for chapter 16 while I was away.