Under My Skin

The storms playing hide and go seek outside the bedroom window were enough to set the tone for a solemn evening. Rain washing hard down against the north facing side of the house; I watched as cars headlights made their way up the street - indicators only giving away momentarily the journey they'd be taking before disappearing into complete nothingness. Turning back to face the suitcase opened up on the bed; I sighed, unsure of what I was doing but knowing that out of every option I'd drawn up inside my mind - this felt best. Taking out the clothing I'd already packed in, I dropped them back into the draws which they had found their way from and zipped up the suitcase empty - a fresh start would mean taking nothing with me.

I'd toyed around with the idea of carrying something sentimental but of course, nothing that I owned even came close to being classified as this. The wedding ring I spun on my finger only sent cold shivers down my spine when the intricately patterned silver metal hit the right spot. Breaths shallow and my heart not bothering to race itself into some kind of destructive pattern, I wandered from the bedroom - down the hall past all the pictures which stared at me with eyes wide shut, collecting my wallet off the stand and towards the front door; nothing but keys in one hand knowing things would have to work out. When life fucks you over, or when you try to the same - you just can't stop to think about anything. Keep going, keep going.

Hand on the door knob and eagerly awaiting a bright change I needed; I met resistance - another person coming through.

"Hey..."

Trying not to look up, knowing I'd only crash and burn if I saw his eyes; I shimmied around him, trying to sneak past the gap he'd left on the left hand side of the door and just as a get away was imminent, I was pulled back - deterred and claimed.

"You not talking to me now?", he whispered quietly; his fingers dropping my wrist and his free hand rubbing at the stubble marking out a five o'clock shadow.
"I just.. I need to go", I tried explaining. My eyes glued to the floor and heart beating slower, as if it was about to just give in.
"Go where?", he asked confidently, sure he was going to get some kind of answer.

Thunder roared through the night sky like a lion defending its territory. The gentle patter of rain came tumbling in, coating my legs and wetting the ends of my hair as if it was meant to renew me. I stumbled back towards the steps leading off the veranda and hoped secretly he wouldn't hear me.

"Just away...", I explained, "I need company."
"But you have me here. I mean.. I'm home."
"Harry-", I stuttered faintly, "Being in a relationship with you right now is the closest thing I have to being alone right now.."

Notes