Mental

-Harry's POV-

I woke up feeling great probably the best sleep I've had in the longest time. Yet that hadn't made the fact that my head was hurting like a mother fucker. Fuck hangovers. I don't remember waking up to the dream at all last night, wait- no dream? I've had that dream for the last ten years never a night went without it. I opened my eyes to find my arms wrapped around Miranda. I smiled, but then frowned. Hadn't I told her that she was to never come upstairs never the less my bedroom. At this moment I didn't mind, I pulled her body closer to mine. He back was facing me so my nose got caught in her hair. I sniffed her hair taking in a handful, it smelt like a mixture of mango's and coconuts. Her body felt small and fragile as my hands were wrapped around her.

I just laid there what seemed like forever but in reality probably only twenty minutes before she started murmuring in her sleep. "Harry.." I assumed she was awake until she continued to call out my name. I was wondering if I should be flattered that she was thinking about me in her dream or not, and I found out when she started saying; "Harry, please no. Stop."

My face flushed with worriment. "Miranda?" I asked, I started to shake her until her eyes flew wide open.

"Oh god Harry you scared me." She breathed panting fast.

"Morning to you too." I smiled, she stuck her tongue out at me and then rested her head on the pillow once more, attempting to fall back to sleep.

"Sounded like you were having a nightmare."

She looked up at me and shook her head no "No." She lied, something must of happened last night. I slowly got up holding onto my forehead, I was having the worst headache in the history of hangovers and I need some Advil or something. I pushed the covers off of my body and my bare feet hit the cold hard wood floor. My elbows hit my knees and I rested my face into my palms, rubbing my eyes.

I stood up and realized I was still fully dressed in my dark black jeans and a white t-shirt. I let Miranda stay in my room as I went downstairs to the kitchen to grab an Advil. I walked into the kitchen and found Miranda's sketch book on the ground along with her pencil scattered only a few inches away from it. I picked it up and put it on the counter grabbing the Advil next to the toaster.

As I poured to Advils into my hand I look over at the counter where her sketch book lays. I was curious, she always seems to be doodling in that thing and every time I ask to see what she's drawing she says no and brings it tight, close to her body. I slowly walked over there and my finger ran over the edges of the pages.

I was tempted to open it and see what she has been hiding from me all this time. I mean, it was just some drawings. It wasn't like the world was gonna end if I took a peak inside. I lifted up the cover just a bit so my thumb could slide under neath it. I was about to open it so I can see the whole view of the page until I heard Miranda walking down stairs. I quickly let go of the book and pretended to raid the fridge.

"How's your hangover?" She asked I could hear her giggling like I deserved it.

"Hurts like a bastard."

She came over to the kitchen and her hands on the counter as she grabbed the sketch book and went to the bedroom at the end of the hall she's been staying at. I followed behind her and found her standing in the middle of the room looking directly up at the ceiling. She's been staying in my sisters old room, it was left the same, the same from that night.

I looked over at my sister, her face red and eyes filled with tears."Gemma!" Is what I wanted to scream, nothing

"I hope this room is alright." I said leaning up against the door frame. She looked over at me and smiled. "Yeah, it's fine. Is this your house? I mean like before..." I knew what she meant. Right before I was convicted for two murders I didn't commit "Um yeah."

"Who's room-"

"My sisters." I stated

"You have a sister?"

"Had."

"Oh, I'm so sorr-"

"It's okay, I've had enough sympathy to last a life time, maybe two."

I walked out and went directly down to the basement. This time I grabbed the tape instead of the boxing gloves. I wrapped them around my swollen knuckled from yesterday and turned on the music. I started punching thinking about that very night.

I didn't know what to do my body was frozen, I couldn't move, couldn't scream.

Moments later I heard Miranda slowly walk down the steps watching me punch the shit out of this punching bag. "You tend to come down here a lot, don't you?"

"It helps my anger problem."

"Not well enough." I heard her mutter. I didn't know what she meant by that, I know I had snapped at her a couple times but she sounded a bit frightful and scared of me. I tried to think back to last night, but nothing. All I remember was Zayn bringing the booze and a few beers later passing out, but nothing in between.

She came over to me and observed me, watching my every hit, punch and kick. "Why don't you take a wack?" I told her peeling the tape from off my knuckles. It had only caused more pain, I should probably listen to Miranda and quit this for a while until I get better.

"I dunno."

"Oh come on, it's not that hard." She nodded and grabbed my gloves and walked over to me in front of the punching bag. I grabbed onto her wrist and took off the gloves. "No gloves, just tape." I told her. She hadn't had a clue on what the hell I was talking about.

I grabbed the tape and helped her wrap it around her knuckles. "Alright now stand in front of the bag like this-" I showed her showing her my stance. My left foot in front of my right.

She repeated the process doing exactly what I did but right beside me. I smiled watching her "-alright. Now put all your force into the muscle of your arm. Right here." I grabbed onto her arm, right below the shoulder. She looked back at me and looked directly in my eyes. I quickly pulled away and her face fell a little bit.

"Now when you're ready, take a punch." She nodded and I stepped back.

I waited seconds, minutes and after two minutes of no force on the bag, I gave up. "Are you gonna punch it?" I asked.

She turned around not saying a word but only nodding. She turned back and looked at the bag one more time before I saw her tiny hands clench into a ball. Finally she brought her hand back and finally hit the dam thing, getting a good swing out of it.

She kept repeating it, her stance in the same place but her hands moving rapidly. I watched her what seems like ten minutes just watching her every movement. Her body was getting sweaty and her breathing much heavier then when she started. She finally slowed down until there were no punches being given. She stopped the swinging back with both of her hands on one side, holding it in one place.

She looked back at me and peeled the black tape off. "Nice."

She didn't say a word but walked up stairs. I shut everything in the basement off and followed up behind her. I found her in the kitchen sitting at the counter her chin resting in the palm of her hand. "Penny for your thoughts?" I asked

"Scared."

"Of what?"

"Your constant mood swings. One minute your sweet Harry, and then the next your throwing a punch at me." Throwing a punch at her? What was she talking about. I walked over at her and she flinched a bit. What had I done last night?

I closed my eyes and thought back.

-Flashback-

"Nothing." she lied

"Really? What's behind your back then?" I asked her, everything becoming hazy.

"Nothing." She lied again. I came up behind her and reached out for the book, but she brought it to her body, holding it tight.

"Someone is a bit touchy." I slurred.

I tried reaching for it again but she grabbed it and stood up running to the other side of the room with it crossed between her hands. I started walking towards her once again and she put it out of my reach even though I'm much taller then her. "No Harry."

"Come one baby, let me see." I breathed down her back, I could see her shiver. "-I see you looking and drawing on that thing all the time, let me see."

She shook her head no she was standing her ground. "I'll let you see them if you tell me what your dreams are about." She said within seconds my hands became clenched. My face was red and I was becoming very angry and I had no control over my body. My hand raised up and I saw her cover her face. I said no, but the alcohol that had came over my body said yes.

My hand was about to come to her face before something had tackled me to the ground, everything becoming black.

-Flashback over-

I was a monster.

"Oh my god, I had no clue what I had done last night until-"

"It's fine Harry." She said but I could tell she was lying, I was going to hurt her and I had no intention on hurting her or anyone else for the matter.

"No it's not, I shouldn't have almost hurt you."

"It's done and over Harry, let's get over this." She stood up and tried to walk past me but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to my so both our chest were touching. I saw the fear in her eyes.

I was the monster, I am the monster.

Notes