You Gave Me Love

“Mummy have you seen Oreo’s hamburger toy?”

I blinked my eyes blearily opened to see Elizabeth standing directly in front of me from where I was sprawled out on the bed.

“Go ask your father Liz.” I mumbled, circling my hands around the pillow and puling it closer. I had barely had any sleep all night long from Jackson crying.

“He already left.”

“What?” I forced my eyes open to stare at my daughter. “Where did he go?”

“He said he’s got a work thing with Uncle Lou.” Elizabeth pouted up at me, her hand behind her back clasped together tightly.

Holding in a grown, I pulled myself up from the bed and checked to see that Jackson was still dead asleep in his crib. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since we brought him home from the hospital two weeks ago. Although that also might be because Harry and I didn’t talk, he didn’t even sleep in the bedroom with me.

“Let’s go.” I motioned Elizabeth out of the room before Jackson work up and she pulled me around the house showing me all the places she had already checked for the toy. Oreo followed around behind us pitifully. Why he wouldn’t play with any other toy but a hamburger was beyond me.

After stumbling around the house it was Edward who found it. Stashed under one of the couches in the theater room at the back of the house. I breathed in relief, thinking that sleep was now in order until shrieking started from upstairs. I felt like crying.

Both Elizabeth and Edward had guilty face on but I assured them that their bother was just hungry before heading up the stairs. Using the railing along the way to help me up.

I grabbed my baby boy and settled down on the rocking chair set up in the corner of mine and Harry’s bedroom. Jackson settled down the moment he was able to suckle and I leant back in the chair. Closing my eyes and allowing my mind to drift.

I blinked my eyes open when the weight in my arms shifted, my arms loosely laying on my lap. I blinked my eyes open blearily to see Harry gently swaying from side to side with Jackson snuffing in his arms.

It was dark and I sat up confused at my surrounding. I must have fallen asleep with Jackson.

“Are the kids-.”

“I brought some dinner home, they’re downstairs eating it.” Harry murmured, cutting me off while laying baby Jackson down in his crib.

I nodded, disorientated and rubbed my eyes before standing and stretching all my cramped muscles. My neck ached the worse.

I could feel Harry’s eyes on me and I turned to him. He leant casually back against the crib and just started, his eyes barely seeing me.

“Where were you all day?” I asked him, fidgeting on the spot.

“Meetings.” He replied, his voice monotone.

I sighed and rubbed a hand through my hair before turning towards the door. There was no point anymore. I stopped when I noticed the bags set up by the door. They were Harry’s travelling bags.

“You’re leaving?” I turned to him, incredulous. “Where the hell are you going? We have a baby!”

“I’m not going far away. I just thought it would be good if I stayed away for a bit. I’m going to crash at Louis’.” Harry stepped away from the crib.

I was fuming, my finger twitched, wanting to clench. “So whose running away now?” I hissed at him, my hands balling into fists and I took a step closer to him.

“I’m not running away but right now this,” he waved his hand wildly between us, leaning forward and stalking towards me, “this is not working out. We can barely be in the same room together. The kids know something is wrong so I think we just need some space.”

“I don’t want space.” I cried back to Harry. “I don’t need it. I need you to be here and help me with your kids. I need you to be in our bed!” My voice rose higher then I wanted it to and Jackson made a small curious noise before falling silent again.

I was breathing heavily and Harry stayed focused on the ground by my feet.

“I feel like I’m suffocating; that I’m drowning and I can’t for the life of me figure out when I started to drown or how to stop drowning. You hate me and I’m trying to fix this but you won’t let me and it’s killing me. You won’t speak to me, you are barely ever in the same room as me and I need you. “ I was crying and my heart was pounding and I felt minutes away from being sick.

“I don’t hate you.” Harry said so softly, his eyes focused entirely on the ground. It was infuriating.

“It feels like you. You won’t sleep in the same bed, you are constantly putting me down and ignoring every time I’ve tried to apologise and I don’t know what you want form me. But I can’t breathe without you and that is so much more co-dependent than I have ever wanted to be and it scares the fuck out of me. But you have to understand Harry that I cannot live without you. I cannot function, I cannot be.”

“You think this has been easy for me?” Harry exploded in my face. His eyes wild flipping from one side of the room to another, like he was calculating all his escapes. “You think that every part of me doesn’t want to touch you, doesn’t want to kiss you whenever you walk in the room. Do you think I get an ounce of sleep when we don’t share a bed!” He was so much closer to me now, his shoulders rising up and down with his breaths.

“You are not the only ridiculously co-dependent person in this relationship. You whine and winge and grow angry when I travel but you have no idea how I feel when you aren’t with me. How I can’t sleep, I barely eat and it feels like my whole world is shrinking, closing me in. And then I come back I come back and there you are with our family and I feel like my whole world just grew. It gets easier to breathe, to sleep, to live. I don’t hate you Skye. It is literally impossible for any part of me to ever hate you yet constantly I feel like you are always doubting me. Doubting that I love you, doubting that I’ll come back. Doubting me like everything I am isn’t revolved entirely around you.”

The room was shockingly silent after Harry’s outburst. Not even Jackson made a sound.

“You have issues and so do I and we’ve been through a whole lot of crap together and we aren’t okay. We’re no where near okay as to what we should be but I don’t hate you.” Harry’s shoulders slumped like he was resigned, he shook his head and turned away from me.

My fingers itched ready to move, to grab and to hold what I hadn’t been able to for such a long time.

“Mummy? Daddy?” I spun around to where Elizabeth and Edward stood, in the doorway, holding each others hand tightly.

“You’re not leaving are you Daddy?” Edward’s voice was small and I could see the tear tracks on his face. My heart broke.

“Lilly said that her parents fought all the time so her Daddy left. Now she only sees him on holidays.” Elizabeth added on.

“We don’t want to see you just on holidays.” Edward chocked on his words.

Harry rushed past me, his hands reaching out for the twins. I shook where I stood, tears rolling down my own face while Harry pulled both kids towards him, holding tightly.

“I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving.” Harry repeated his three words over and over again. Never faltering while the twins cried in his arms. Jackson started from behind me.

I moved quickly, instinct kicking in and I picked up Jackson. Trying to shush and comfort him while I felt like my heart was bursting.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, we’re okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I pulled him tightly against me reveling in the comfort of the baby smell of formula and detergent washing over me. His skin was warm and comforting.

Harry pulled back, turning to look at me, his face as red and watery as I could imagine mine was.

“We’re never leaving each other okay?” I walked towards Harry and knelt down with Jackson wanting to reassure the twins. “Your father and I love each other too much. Okay? We love you both and we love Jackson and we love each other and we are always going to be together as a family.”

Harry pulled me against him, pressing a kiss to my temple. A silent promise that we would work this out.

Notes

So yeah, I'm not liking this chapter. Creating drama for Harry and Skye feels wrong after I kind of wrapped everything up in the old stories. So I've decided after the next chapter we're going to have complete fluff. That is it because I do not feel right making major drama for them! But however they will still have small fights - which is pretty normal for the way I created their relationship but that is all!
xx