Time Out

I haven’t been home in about a week and a half now, I keep moving from friends houses, even though they say I can stay longer I don't want to impose. I haven’t really been sleeping, really just crying. Kendall and Harry are an item now. I guess you could say he moved on fast. He calls or texts me at least a hundred times a day. I have only really read were where he explained that they are only together for damage control and that he misses me. I still haven’t told him I am pregnant, my morning sickness has stopped which is weird because I am only a few weeks, so I am going to the doctors today with Adriana.

~~~~~

I was sitting in the waiting room with Adriana making some light conversation.

“Do you think you will go back to him?” she asks

“I don’t know! I always told myself I would never forgive a cheater, but when I think about my future, he is still in it!”

“I understand what you-“

“Miss Smith?”

I looked up to see the doctor smiling at me. I returned the gesture before Adriana and I got up and followed her into the room.

“So according to the form, you have been experiencing lack of morning sickness? Are you under any stress at the moment? And have you been keeping in healthy shape?”

“Yes that right. Emm I guess you could say I have been stressed and I havent really been sleeping or eating much! You might have heard about my family issues, mainly because they are on every magazine cover!” I laugh even though I want to cry inside.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that! Well it is to early to have an ultra sound over the stomach, so we will have to go inside. Please lie back and I will get the equipment.”

I do as she says and she returns with a stick? Wait! is she going to put that inside me? Oh hell no! But before i could object in it goes. I think I am going to hurl. Adriana holds my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. All I can think is that should be Harry next to me.

It was quiet for a while until the doctor removed the machine thing. She cleaned up and when she came back she had the head doctor with her who invited me into his office.

“Miss Smith, due to your health conditions at the moment, the baby well they didn't make it. Miscarriage is common at this point of time in the pregnancy, and it wont effect your ability to have children in the future. I am sorry for you loss.”

I hadn’t even realised that I was crying until Adriana excused us. She helped me up and walked me to the car. Not so politely telling the paparazzi to give us some room. Thank god no one knew I was pregnant.

We had the final dress rehearsal today before the fashion show. When we arrived at the venue I just came in, sat on the sofa a cried. Candice, Lily, Doutzen and the other angels all just hugged me. I guess you could say my life was falling apart in the least.

~~~~~~~

I woke up the same way as I have the past 2 weeks, my phone buzzing with calls from Harry. But I couldn't focus on that for to long, as today was the day of the VS fashion show. I had to put on a brave face and pretend that the loss of my fiancé and unborn baby don’t effect me.

~~~~~

The day went by quickly and before I know it they are already bringing people in and seating them. I am in my robe with my normal underwear underneath. I spot Eleanor, Perrie and the boys. But the thing that effect me the most is when Harry and Kendall walk in hand in hand. He knew I was going to be here so why would he do this to me? Anyway I had to talk to Eleanor and Perrie so I got one of security to tell them to meet me in the bathrooms. Little did I know thats where Kendall had went to moments before.

I didn't think to check if we were alone, I just assumed so. When the girls walked in walked in I basically jumped on them hugging them so tightly I am surprised they didn't pop. I then went on to explain everything that had happened with the baby and how I still loved Harry but at the same time hated him. They were in shock. But I couldn't wait around to snap them out of it as I had to go. I quickly hugged them and said that I would see them after the show.

~~~~~~

As I strutted down the stage in the fantasy bra, my troubles left me for the time. However it wasn't long enough for when I go off stage my high was over. 5 costumes changes later the show was finished and now we were heading to the after party.

It started the same way as they always do, with the designers coming up and congratulating us, then trying to sign us. Vouge Brasil was the first to approach me. And offered me the cover for next month. The funny thing was I swear they had already signed someone else. Maybe they had dropped out.

I didn't really drink all that much but still had a champagne here and there. I was talking to Candice when all of a sudden Kendall came up to me and slapped me. Hard.

“You stole it from me, my first vouge cover and you just took it.” she yelled in my face, causing a scene.

I couldn't believe the nerve of her.

“Well you stole my fiancé. So I say we are even”

By now we were surrounded.

“Well its not my fault you can’t hold on to a man”

“And its not my fault that you cant hold on to a job, maybe if you put a ring on it you would still have it” as I said this I finally took off my engagement ring and through it at her.

“Well you had a ring on and yo still lost you baby! You were unfit at being a fiancé why in hell did you think you would be a good mother?”

As soon as she said it thats when I knew she was right. Harry left me because I wasn't good enough, the baby dies because of me. So I did the one thing I haven’e done in a long time. I ran. Ran away to the ono place I felt safe.

On my way to the exit I heard Harry ask what Kendall meant by baby, and Eleanor and Perrie saying that I only lost it because I was stressed about her sleeping with Harry.
~~~~~

As I sat on the sand on the beach I had my first shoot I thought about how much my life had changed in that month.

Something came over me and I decided to swim. I always felt free in the water, I splashed around in the freezing water until probably 10pm, when I got out. I thought it was cold in the water it was 10x colder outside.

Just as I bent down to get my belongings a shadow covered the little bit of moonlight on the beach. I looked up to see the last person I wanted to see. Yet when I saw him I felt almost happy, and in love?

“Harry” I chittered out, still shivering

Without saying anything he took of his jacket and put it round my shoulders before sitting next to me.

“I really screwed up this time Ava!”

I didn't reply, I just looked at my hands.

“I know you will never take me back, but just know that I love you, sleeping with her was the third biggest mistake of my life!”

“What were the other two?” I asked merely whispering

“The second was not realising that you were pregnant, or upset about something other than us! And the first was letting you walk out of the apartment that day.”

“Stop! Ok Harry! Stop! Don’t be all sweet, because it just confuses me. You hurt me Harry, really bad! And because you hurt me I didn't take care of myself so the baby died! I hate you because I am alone. I hate you because you lied to me. I hate you because you hurt me! And I hate you because after all that I still love you!”

Instead of saying anything he just kissed me. The kiss was full of passion and lust.

“I love you Ava, please give me one more chance I swear I will make it up to you, and never hurt you again!”

“Harry I don’t-“

“Please Ava I am nothing without you, and I know you feel the same way or you wouldn't still be here.”

“Harry, I mean it if you ever hurt me again there will be no more chances!”

“I promise!” and with that he kissed me again.

“Oh and by the way Kendall is no way near as pretty as me!”

he laughed at my comment before nodding and kissing me.

~~~~~~

“Thinking back I had everything, and today on my wedding day I still do! Harry our relationship has been one hell of a roller coaster , and the fact that you don't like rides, but have stuck by me proves that you love me. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life as Mrs Styles”

“And on that note, Ava and I have an announcement”

Notes

So thats it :)