"Holy crap," I breathed as we got out of the car.

"What?" Michelle asked. "This way," she told me, pointing to a building in the distance that seemed to glow with bright lights.

"I didn't think it would be so..." My mind searched for the right word while we walked inside the building. "Packed."

"It's because you don't listen to me. I told you, Andrea was booked for a huge gig."

Well I already told her I’m not a fan of One Direction. Even if it’s their fifth year in the industry, I have never –even just once- given even a slightest fuck of how huge they are.

And I did not mean that in a sexual kind of way. Sue me, but again, boy band members aren’t exactly the type I’d like.

I wasn’t even kidding when I said that the whole place was so crowded. I bet half of London was invited to the said party. Michelle and I squeezed through the people just to get in. This is why I hated bars -parties in general. The smell of smoke already was up in my nostrils and I fucking hate the smell of it that lingers, which I can’t just brush away without looking so indecent and a retard when I’m standing right next to U.K’s next top model. Plus, I don’t want to smear the make-up that Michelle perfected because it’s the only salvation so that I could even fit in this kind of crowd. Sweaty bodies and fucking drunk peeps are also in my maximum tolerance the second my bare skin touches someone. I try not to make any contact as possible. I get really cranky. I don’t really fit in this kind of crowd, need to say, I’m not usually the person you’d see in clubs and parties.

That’s why I should have stayed home.

Home, well, I meant, is Singapore.

“Look! There’s Andrea!” Michelle screamed at me because the music (which surprisingly wasn’t a One Direction song) was blasting throughout the entire area. I looked at where Michelle was pointing at and did see my younger cousin doing her thing.

My jaw dropped. That’s my cousin?! Dang, I don’t even want to go near her.

I looked at her and then back at Michelle’s.

I really should have never left Singapore.

“Hey! Don’t you look smug and grumpy! Smile! Flirt a little! It won’t harm you.”

“Yeah, sure, Michelle.” I answered sarcastically, in which she entire missed.

The said flirting ability is actually nonexistent, which means the whole ‘get some awesome shag tonight’ won’t probably happen at all.

And why would I even want to lose my virginity to a one night stand? I’m waiting till marriage-

Ha! Good joke! Good joke!

I’m a hopeless romantic with a pretty dirty mind, for a starter. Self-pleasuring ain’t a sin. It’s actually healthy for the mind and body, as per what Cosmopolitan told me. So what if I actually like flipping the bean every once in a while? And dude, Singapore is a liberated country. It was okay for a nineteen year old to go inside an adult shop and purchase herself a good toy. Said adult shops were in line of the other adult shops that was in a busy street in Orchard, which was just a block away from our very own home.

What? Girls are freaking hormonal bitches. We have needs like men do. Deal with it.

Again, it’s not a bad thing to get a little naughty and actually play with yourself every once in a while, especially if your hormones are running wild and you want to go fuck someone but unfortunately you can’t because you don’t have a significant other to fuck you.

Story of my life, ladies and gentlemen.

And come on! I’m not giving myself to someone who could be carrying STDs. I’m perfectly aware that this band has groupies. GROUPIES, ahem, sluts, get it?

After the song, Andrea left her spot and went down through the crowd and ended spotting Michelle and me next to the bar.

She looked even more fantastic up-close.

I wonder if they’ll notice if I ditch them and just go home.

Oh, wait, now you’ve mentioned it, I don’t have any idea how do I go home.

No. Not in Singapore. I meant Michelle’s apartment.

“Velvet!!!” Andrea screamed as soon as she flung herself to me and crushed me in a bear tight hug.

“Are you high?!”

“What? No! Can’t I be so happy to see my other big sister?” she said. “I haven’t seen you since I left Singapore! How are you? My, you look smashing!”

Oh my god, she’s turned British.

“Talk about yourself!” I shrieked back.

“I’ll talk to you later, alright? These people need my wicked songs. Stay and enjoy the party, yeah?”

Andrea turned back at me and added, “Hey, Velvet! I’ll introduce some good looking lad to you later, okay? Don’t go anywhere!”

I bet you they’re ganging up on me again. They always do when all three of us gets together. Damn it! It’s because I’m not pretty enough, is it?!

If I do bag a band member, I bet you your sorry ass they’ll stop that shitty comeback about me being a twenty one year old virgin.

Speaking of which, I don’t see One Direction in this party. I thought it’s their party?

Psh. Why am I even wasting my time asking about them?

“Where’s One Direction?” I asked Michelle.

She shot me back a surprised look. “Why? Want to scan which lad to take home?”

Funny. Ha. That was pretty much meant to be a funny joke that would boost my ego. Well it didn’t. “Why are you so keen about me bringing a lad home to bang? Aren’t you supposed to be telling me not to instead? You’re not supposed to be a bad influence, you know. You’re supposed to be taking care of your little sister’s heart.”

“God, you’re so uptight! Velvet, you’re not in Singapore anymore. I want you to enjoy life! And just so you know, you’re also not that young anymore. You’re twenty one! Do you even know how to have fun?”

“I do!”

“How? With reading books? Imagination?!”

Rude.

“You need some spice, a real romance, in your life.”

“Wait a second…Do you have a boyfriend you haven’t told me yet?”

Michelle smiled at me and stared at her champagne glass for a while.

It was the kind of smile that says ‘I’ve got a secret but I won’t tell.’

Guess things about us really did change over the years we were far from each other.

“Look, this isn’t about me. But I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why?”

“What why?”

“You’re drop dead gorgeous! Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“It isn’t my priority right now.”

Michelle grabbed my hand and said, “It’s your first time here in London. I want you to have fun, alright?! I’ll never tell Mom and Dad! Just have fun tonight!”

She brought us closer to the DJ booth and the dance floor.

Andrea spotted us before she grabbed on the microphone and announced, “We’ve got the boys in the house! Happy anniversary guys! Greet our favorite lads a happy fifth anniversary!”

Michelle ditched me and went to dance on the dance floor as Andrea played a One Direction song remix. I stayed by the side, grabbed a shot glass from the waiter and drank it.

“Ah, shit.”

Vodka. Nasty thing. The Russians that invented this vile concoction had probably been lectured by Satan himself to spread a drink, so evil, will create doom in the person who dares drink some.

Yeah, I don’t make sense sometimes.

Sighing, I immediately went to the bar and ordered for a ladies drink to take the after taste away.

I lost Michelle. Nice.

I still can’t see where the hell the party celebrators are. Double nice.

“This is going to be a very long night.” I told myself as I sipped on the pink mix in my hand.

“Now guys our young fella, this very lovely lady over here, has got some new tunes for y’all! Making her first performance in Razz and Rebels, give a round of applause for the amazing Andrea Hann!”

“This goes to all the lovely single ladies out here in the party tonight.” She pointed at me -way to be fucking subtle- and added, “Save your heart for someone great.”

“Putting my defenses up
Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’ll have a heart attack.”

“That’s my cousin!” I screamed at no one in particular.

Having fun? Check.

Look like a drunken retard in a sea of drunken retards? Check.

Hot lad to bang? Negative.

“Never put my love out on my line
Never said yes to the right guy
Never had trouble getting what I want
But when it comes to you, I’m never good enough
When I don’t care
I can play ‘em like a Ken doll
Won’t wash my hair
Then make ‘em bounce like a basketball

But you make me wanna act like a girl
Paint my nails and wear high heels
Yes you make me so nervous
That I just can’t hold your hand

You make me glow, but I cover up
Won’t let it show, so I’m
Putting my defenses up
Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’d have a heart attack.”

“Damn! I fucking love her!”

I turned to my side and saw a One Direction dude.

“We made a right choice of getting Hann.”

Whoa. Two One Direction dudes showed up out of nowhere…which I still don’t have the idea who’s who.

Well then. I’ll call them Mr. Fake Blondie and Mr. Receding Hairline.

They’re not that gorgeous though –not bang-able enough.

“Yah gotta admit that you won’t say no to that face.” I heard Fake Blondie said.

“She’s got a face of an angel but with a monstrous dirty mouth, what more could you ask for?” Receding Hairline said back.

I smirked as I listened to them talk about my cousin. Yeah. No doubt about that, only Andrea Hann, everyone.

“Damn. Why did she have to be a lesbian?”

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hold up!

“Say, what?!”

Korean retard mode: On.

I got both of Fake Blondie and Receding Hairline’s attention, to my dismay. I didn’t mean to shout at them but having an explosive personality has its tendencies to make awkward attention to myself whether I like it or not.

But they were saying that my cousin is GAY! It was a desperate need to react right away!

Even before they could judge me for being weird, I shouted again, “That’s my cousin you’re talking about.”

“Whoa, you’re Andrea’s cousin?” Fake Blondie asked.

Yeah, I get it that I’m not as pretty and as effing hot as her but you don’t have the fucking right to judge. You’re on a bubblegum boy band.

“So you’re Asian?”

Quick review:
Mr. Receding Hairline: So you’re Asian?
Velvet: …
Mr. Fake Blondie: …
The whole club: …
The whole London: …
The whole Europe: …
The whole Universe: Boom! There goes the dynamite!

This is a mere reason why you shouldn’t date a member of a boy band. They’re stuck with the I.Q of a twelve year old.

I can’t believe my sister actually likes these turds.

Who would fucking ask if I’m Asian if I already scream Asian? Like, duh? They’d probably really believe our skin is the color yellow because that’s how western people describe us. We aren’t yellow. We’re normal than the rest of you.

It was only when Michelle came with another member of the not bang-able boy band that I calmed the fuck down. I swear my hands were inching to give Receding Hairline a slap so he can feel what an Asian slap must feel like. It’ll be so Asian he’ll ask himself why isn’t he Asian.

“Boys! You found my little sister!” Michelle gushed as she and- wait, she’s holding hands with poster guy that if I remember correctly wears a lot of stripes and screams Pixie Sticks.

“I told you so, Niall. She’s Asian.” Mr. Receding Hairline slash motherfucking racist said so again. Say Asian one more and you’ll never see the sun, ever again.

“Hi Dr. Ferrol!”

“Harry, I told you just call me Michelle. Besides, I’m not Dr. Ferrol when we’re not in the clinic, alright. I’m just Michelle to you guys.”

I glared at my older sister. That didn’t sound so professional to me, which is so not cool with Michelle’s bible of professionalism.

It screams that she’s actually close with these guys, and she’s never told me about it.

“Boys, I’d like you to meet my younger sister, Velvet Ferrol.” Michelle said. “Velvet, this is Harry, Niall and Louis.”

I scoffed. I will never remember their names anyway so I’ll stick with Fake Blondie, Racist Receding Hairline and Pixie Sticks.

Speaking of Pixie Sticks, he’s way too close to Michelle.

I mean, way, way too close to her. Curious…

I’ll be damned if this guy is the reason a boyfriend isn’t Michelle’s priority.

“So where’s our man of the hour?” Fake Blondie asked.

“Probably looking for his prey for the night. You know Liam. Same, same-”

“That’s not very helpful, boys. You should be looking after him. That’s what I’ve been telling you lot. Where’s Zayn?”

“Lost in his own world, that lad is.”

“You actually think he’ll even come? She’s here. Of course he’s not gonna show himself up. After that disaster…”

“They’re just the same –Liam and Zayn. You shouldn’t be surprised Dr. Ferrol.”

Look, they’ve already forgotten that I’m actually included in their company.

Not that I care anyway. Should I bug Andrea in the DJ booth instead?

I watched as Pixie Sticks kept his arms around Michelle’s waist and was whispering something in her ear that made Michelle giggle back at him.

Well, damn. They’re banging one another. I so call it!

I pulled Michelle off of Pixie Sticks quite hastily because I didn’t like him groping at her, and, well, I’m getting uncomfortable with the way they looked at us.

But as quick as I did, Michelle was again snatched away from me by now a group of girls I do not know. These fucking people are already getting on my nerves. God damn it.

I might need anger management sessions in the future with Michelle.

So there I was again, awkwardly standing in the middle of the dance floor with 3/5 of One Direction sending me weird looks. Probably asking themselves how come Dr. Ferrol has an insane younger sister.

“Hi!”

I turned around in surprise that someone tapped me by my shoulders.

Mouth agape, I almost screamed David Beckham.

Wait a second. Since when did David Beckham become 1/5 of One Direction? Huh. Weird shit is going on London.

“Hi. I see you standing there alone and I thought you might need company.” He said. “Do you mind? My name’s Liam.”

Oh, he’s not David Beckham.

With the beauty of the human that was standing –trying to start a conversation- with me, I have forgotten the basic communication skills. My social anxiety kicked in and I stared at him like a mute retard.

“Would you mind if I ask what your name is?”

I shit you not, that very moment, I have forgotten I have a tongue and can actually speak to humans.

I don’t know, maybe I really am stupid.

I cleared my throat and stuttered, “V-Velvet.”

Oh come on… stutter? Honestly?

“That’s a really nice name -Velvet. I like it.”

He smiled at me.

And just like that, I can’t remember what his name is anymore. Un-fucking-believable.

“So, are you new here?”

Thank God he didn’t ask if I’m Asian. Have I finally found a normal person in a sea of morons?!

“Yeah, I’m pretty much new in this place.”

Should I confess I’m pretty much new in this whole country?

But I speak English, so… it doesn’t matter. Yeah.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Are you with anybody tonight?” he asked.

“Actually, the DJ is my cousin.” I answered him.

“No way! You’re Andrea’s cousin?”

Seriously, stop mocking my bloodline and my ego. It hurts, you know.

“She’s amazing and very talented. We love her so much and her amazing DJ skills and that’s why she was the sole pick to host our party.” David Beckham look-alike said.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Oh, no. Everything’s fine.”

“Please, I would like to buy you at least a drink. Please? So I can get to know our favorite DJ’s cousin.”

Actually, he’s pretty nice. And let me not forget to mention that he’s a good looking guy who doesn’t think I’m weird. He noticed my lonesome being in the corner of the crowded bar and chose to converse with me. Wow.

But still, there’s the exemption that he’s a One Direction dude.

We sat next to each other in the bar as he ordered us a pair of drinks.

“Andrea hasn’t told us that she’s got a cousin who’s coming to the party with her.”

“Oh. Actually, I got dragged to come here.”

I saw his pink lips turn in a smirk. “Not much of a party animal, are we?”

Unconsciously, I stared at his lips a little bit longer than I’m supposed to.

“Uhm,” I cleared my throat. “I’m trying. I’m a bit jetlagged though. I just came from a long trip, like 45 minutes ago before I was dragged without my actually consent.”

I don’t know why I’m telling him. The effect of vodka, maybe.

“I love your accent.” David Beckham 2.0 said.

Well that’s funny, because between the two of us, it’s him that has the accent.

I smiled back at him. “I’d rather have yours.”

“Oh honey, I could be yours anytime if you want to.” he suggested.

Oh my holy fuck.

Did we just flirt?! Did I just flirt?!

AND I SUCCEEDED?!

“Do you want to be somewhere else that’s maybe more quiet so we can get to know each other?”

I think I just had a legit heart attack.

This isn’t just flirting anymore. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I should probably go and ask for help.

Notes

Lemme know what you think! :D

@_AndieTiu

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