Smoke coiled from his open mouth as he lay in the empty bed. Only a thin sheet covered his naked body. A hesitant knock at the door caused him to jump. “House keeping.” A tiny voice called. He slowly relaxed a bit.

“Come back later.” He replied, deepening his voice as he stood pulling on his boxers. The lit cigarette hung from his emotionless lips. “I’ve got to head out, Babe.” He dressed himself quickly, put the cig out and turned toward the door.

Her damp auburn hair fell across her bare shoulders. A white hotel towel clung loosely around her body. “Must you? Stay, have breakfast.” She stuck her bottom lip out and twirled the dyed pink tips of her hair around her finger.

His hand hesitantly reached for the shiny silver doorknob. He ran his other hand through his dark hair, his fingers lingering slightly on the blonde bit at the front as he turned to her, “You know I can’t, Perrie should be waiting at the apartment for me.” His brown eyes fell as she sighed.

“Zayn, when are you going to choose?” Her blue eyes clouded slightly with tears as she looked at the man before her. He was acting cowardly, like a little boy. He didn’t answer her question; his hand turned the knob slowly.

“I’ll call you later.” He slipped out of the room and shut the door, pressing his back to it as he scanned the hallway, making sure nobody would see him leaving.

He pulled the hood to his jumper up and put on his sunglasses. He gazed at the floor and watched his feet move down the carpeted hallway. Each step he took made his heart race. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew he should have let one of the girls go. It wasn’t fair to Perrie and it was even more unfair to Tatum, who had to hide the truth from everyone.

No one knew about this, not even his best mates, whom he knew would have kept quiet about it, they might’ve even helped him, but he couldn’t tell them. He was ashamed of himself. Zayn Malik of One Direction was ashamed of his very being, of every inch of himself.

He stepped into the sun of the bright London morning. He walked to a little café around the corner and grabbed 2 teas. One for himself and one for Perrie. He called a taxi and caught a ride home.

Perrie sat inside the apartment. Her curly blonde hair was tied up in a top knot. She quietly watched the morning news as she waited for her boyfriend to arrive. It was 9am when he finally waltzed in with two teas. “Morning.” He said, kissing her lightly and handing her a cup. “I made a tea run and got caught up with some fans.” He smiled as the lie left his lips. He swallowed awkwardly as his lip twitched.

Perrie took no notice to this. She sipped her tea and sat back down on the couch. Zayn pulled his jumper off and tossed it on the couch beside her. He walked into the kitchen and put some toast in the toaster. He hadn’t eaten since he left the recording studio to meet with Tatum last night. He grabbed a quick bite and met her at the usual room at the same old hotel. He’d show up and pay in cash, keeping his face covered and taking the lift to the floor their room was on. Tat was always waiting on the bed, her shoes off and hair down. It was like clockwork. They met 2 nights a week, always the same two nights.

Perrie was what the public knew. She was the girl attached to Zayn Malik of 1D. The blonde beauty from Little Mix was the only girl in Zayn’s eyes they all thought. No one suspected Tatum; there were rumors of other girls, but never Tatum. Zayn intended to keep it like that, at least until he figured things out.

Zayn put jam on his toast and sat down beside Perrie. Besides the telly, the room was quiet. Neither Zayn nor Perrie spoke. Perrie leaned on her boyfriend; she caught a whiff of a foreign perfume, but it was nothing new, he was always greeting fans. She smiled as his arm wrapped around her. He rested his head on hers as he yawned. “Didn’t sleep well?” She asked, noticing how tired he suddenly looked.

“No, it was a long night. Studio time, some dinner and some chatting with friends and family. I really should take a day just to sleep.” He yawned again as he stretched and sat up.

Perrie licked her lips and gazed at her boyfriend. Something seemed off about him this morning. He wasn’t as cuddly as he usually is. He was quieter and hesitant. Her soft blue eyes scanned his. She couldn’t ignore his behavior; he seemed to be like this more often. At least once a week he was distant, and each time, the recovery took longer and longer. “What’s going on with you, lately?” She finally questioned.

Zayn’s voice caught in his throat. “Nothing, it’s just been stressful lately. You know how it is; you have Little Mix, the girls. Don’t you get tired sometimes?” He was so used to lying now, it came easily. “Babe,” He smiled, running his thumb across her cheek. “What are you worried about?” He gazed longingly into her eyes.

“I don’t know, Zayn.” Her tone suddenly changed, taking Zayn by surprise. “You tell me, there are all these rumors and videos about you asking girls to your hotel room on tour.” Zayn shook his head.

“And you believe them? You honestly believe these insane people, these people who think Larry Stylinson is real?” Zayn pulled back and stood, pacing slightly. His heart was beating faster, he was being questioned. Though these accusations were untrue, there was a bit of truth to them. He was getting nervous now, he felt cornered.

“Well, let’s see here. You are giving girls directions on how to get in your hotel room, passed security. You have told girls ‘Come back in 30 minutes.’ Gee, Zayn, what were you doing with them, playing Yatzee!?” Perrie stood as well and grabbed her jacket off the chair in the corner of the room. “You know what, forget I asked.” She turned toward the door and walked out, slamming it loudly as she left.

Zayn tossed his tea at the telly. This was getting ridiculous. He was being stupid. He sat down on the couch and let his head fall in his hands.

~•~

Zayn popped a piece of gum in his mouth as he walked out of the recording studio. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he rounded the corner to the street that lead to the hotel. He went to duck down an alley when Niall came up from behind him, “Zayn, you’re not going for a pint?” He asked, trying to catch his breath.

Zayn shrugged, “I’m not feeling it tonight. I’m just going to head home.” Zayn turned on his heels and started off.

“Your place is the other way, mate.” Niall scratched his brown roots as he watched his friend freeze.

Malik was growing furious, could no one just leave him be? It was only a matter of time before the pap caught on that Zayn had taken the back door. Then he’d never get to see Tatum. He rolled his eyes at his Irish friend and sighed, “Don’t worry about me. Why is everyone questioning me all of a sudden?” He didn’t stay to wait for a reply. Zayn was off, pulling his hood up and walking at a quick pace, avoiding any and everyone.

He made his way into the hotel and up the lift. He slid the room key into the door and stepped in, "Hey." He said into the room as he took his jumper off. "Tatum?" He called, not hearing anything. He searched the entire room, finding no one.

Zayn pulled out his phone and looked through his contacts. He touched the screen on Tatum's name and held the phone to his ear. The ringing seemed to go on forever, he was ready to just hang up when Tat picked up, "What?" Her voice sounded angry.

"You okay?" Zayn asked, worried something might have happened. She was always here first; she was always ready to spend the night with him.

"I'm fine, Zayn." He looked around the room confused. He sat on the bed, unsure what to say.

He licked his lips and took a deep breath, "Where are you?"

"Home, where you should be." He held his breath for a moment and listened to the background noise as he waited for an explanation. "Listen, you should stop calling. We should stop this."

"What?" Zayn asked hurt. "Are you ending this?"

"Yes I am, I am ending this before you break my heart. If I was ever going to be your girlfriend, Perrie would be long gone." Zayn tried to speak, tried to protest. "Just leave me alone, Malik." There was a beep in his ear, she'd hung up on him.

Zayn sat on the bed, broken and confused. Perrie was getting suspicious, getting angry. Now Tatum was giving up, she was ending everything. It took him a while to realize that he was hurting them both. But for some reason, he was more worried about Tatum. He was more concerned about her tears, about her feelings.

Deep down he felt more for her. It was why this whole thing took place. He loved Perrie, but he wasn't in love with her any longer. He didn't quite know how to handle it, though. He was leading the poor girl on more and more, while he slept with someone else. Someone he felt more for. Someone he could fall in love with.

He pushed himself off the bed and looked through his contacts again. He pressed the button and waiting for the phone to ring. A jolly voice rung out in an instant. "Oi! Hello, mate!" The Irish accent was thicker, Niall had been drinking.

"Hey, I was hoping you hadn't started drinking yet. I was going to ask where you were. Louis there?" Niall laughed, he was always laughing.

There were noises as the phone was being passed around. "'Ello?" Louis' cheerful voice sang.

"Could you pick me up? I'm at Ray's Cafe." Zayn quietly put his jacket on and walked out the door. After Lou agreed, he placed the room key on the front desk. He paid the lady and jogged to meet him.

~•~

Weeks had passed since the fall out with his girls. In that time, Zayn confessed the truth to Perrie, she grabbed her few belongings from the apartment and hadn't been heard from since. Zayn had opened himself up to the boys, finally. Admitting where he went those many late nights. He admitted his love for a girl who wouldn't pick up the phone, wouldn't answer his calls. He admitted what a horrible human being he had been the last few months.

They had his back though. There was never a doubt they would. In the weeks that it took to put himself back on track, they'd booked a charity event. They were putting a concert on for the local hospital fundraiser.

The crew was setting up the stage and managing the seating. Tickets were sold out nearly instantly. The bulk of the events money was coming from this concert. The boys were proud of what they were doing. They were helping out. It meant more to them than the money the hospital offered to pay them. Secretly, they were donating it anyway, they just didn't mention that bit.

The day started off slowly. They walked around and checked out the other booths and events planned. It wasn't anything too big. There were games and rides, but nothing extravagant. Zayn remained quite most of the time. He plastered on a fake smile and pretended to enjoy himself. But honestly, the boy was still in a slump.

When the sun started setting, the boys made way to their tent and started getting ready. The set list was small. They would sing 4 songs, possibly an encore. Compared to their usual, it was nothing. But that didn’t make them any less excited.

When it came show time, the boys ran on stage with their usual energy. They sang the first song with no crazy stunts. The second song was a mixture of horrible dancing, faces and running into each other. The rest of the night went as so. The crowd loved it. They finished the 4th song and started heading off stage, wishing the fans a good night.

Their cheering and screaming for an encore brought them back out. They smiled and gazed out at the crowd. “This is the song that started our adventure, the song that made you all fall in love with us. We want to thank you for helping out today, your money is going to a great cause. For you, our first single, What Makes You Beautiful.” Harry spoke to the crowd with a big smile. As he finished, Liam started the song.

Zayn’s eyes scanned the crowd as girls sang along. He smiled at the amount of happy faces. Almost every one of their mouths sang along with Harry. As the chorus came, Zayn’s eyes locked on an auburn haired beauty. She had her eyes locked on his. His heart dropped as she frowned slightly.

He hadn’t realized he missed almost the entire chorus until Niall nudged his arm. He ripped his eyes from Tatum’s as he focused. He sang his part almost halfheartedly. He searched the crowd for her again. He spotted her back further. He wanted to call her, but he was here to sing. He watched her, the rest of the song, he watched her.

As the last note was sung, He jumped off the stage. His feet moved with little to no idea where they were going. He just knew she was back there somewhere. Girls screamed and tried to grab at him, but he slipped out of their grips.

She was close now. He could see her standing there. He reached out for her, but she pulled back. Shaking her head, she brought her hand up to her tear stained face. Her heart was breaking as she looked at him. Zayn tried again, but she retreated, turning and running. Her feet carried her to the parking lot. She collapsed on the ground by her car and sobbed. When she came here, she expected to go unnoticed, she expected a bit of closure. Never had she imagined he’d swim through the crowd and find her, never did she think she’d come face to face with the boy who kept her hidden for months and months.

Zayn followed her, he was quiet as he stood above her. He wanted to reach out and hug her, sooth her as she cried. But she would fight back, he knew it. He backed away slowly, never taking his eyes off the broken girl on the ground. He took one last look at the mess he made before turning back to where the stage sat and joining his band mates.

He didn’t realize what he was doing until the mic made a horrid sound as it gave feedback. Zayn looked out at the crowd and bowed his head. He had no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He just knew he had to do something.

Should've kissed you there
I should've held your face
I should've watched those eyes
Instead of run in place

The words came out in a hushed tone. His eyes met the floor of the stage as he continued.

I should've called you out
I should've said your name
I should've turned around
I should've looked again

He took a deep breath and belted out the chorus. His eyes looked out to the parking lot. A tiny body stood and stared. He couldn’t handle it anymore. He dropped the mic and let the tears fall. He screwed up. Just as one of their songs stated, he was a screwed up mess. He didn’t listen. He wasn’t worth it. She shouldn’t have to do this.

A hand touched his shoulder lightly; he turned to see Paul standing there. Sadness filled Zayn’s eyes as he followed Paul off the stage. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t bear to look back. He’d made a fool of himself. He knew it.

~•~

He called her over and over. Left her messages. He apologized more than he’d ever apologized before in his life. He was asked multiple times about the girl he sang to, about the song at the charity event. Each time, the boys changed the subject. They would bring up how amazing the concert was, how the fans were. How they felt proud about the money they raised.

Zayn was in an endless depression. He wanted to talk to her, talk about her. Tatum was the only thing on his mind. But it had been months since the charity event. For months, he’d been trying to talk to her, nothing. He’d broken this girl, messed everything up. He knew he’d never be able to fix this. He knew deep down he’d have to let her go. The moment she collapsed in the parking lot, was the moment she reinforced the wall she built. The moment she took her heart and put it under lock and key. Zayn was no locksmith. There was no way he could figure it out. He’d made the biggest mistake and he’d pay for it every day as he thought of his amber haired beauty.

Notes

I wanted a one shot based off of a Parachute song. I am addicted, and alksjdalksjd The Mess I Made gave me this. I ONLY picked Zayn for this because I have at least 2 things for every other boy, NOT because of the rumors that NO one can say are 100% true. It was all by process of elimination. Poor Zayn can't get a happy ending :/ ONE DAY! He's getting a good ending in Try To Scream, at least so far, so that makes up for it all, right?

Anyway. The song is The Mess I Made by Parachute Listen to them, they are ♥

Comment if you want. Rec if you enjoyed it. Talk to me because...Sex Gods. Idk.

xx Bambi