My Kind Of Love

Chapter 44 Dangerous Thoughts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2nandWmht0

**Beas' POV**

The soft red glow of my alarm clock created a beautiful contrast that contoured all the shadows in my room. When I was little I was very much afraid of these shadows as my mother always told me it was my imagination acting up. Now they fascinated me as the different shapes reflected so beautifully against the dark turquoise wall.

Suddenly the clock strikes two as I roll over to my side and release a small groan knowing I would have to be up in just a few short hours for school. My eyes felt heavy and burned whenever I tried to keep them closed but my mind was in havoc, stopping me from enjoying a restful sleep.

Harry.

The name was repeated in my mind, unable to leave as I pictured the bitter sight of him drinking his sorrows away. I was so worried about him that I just felt like my mind was going to explode from insanity without me knowing what is going on with him at this very moment.

Roughly my hands rub over my face as if it would magically make all the stress disappear; to my disadvantage it doesn’t. I roll over once more in attempt to fall back asleep when suddenly I hear a faint noise. I decide to ignore it thinking one of the neighbours are coming back late from work or some kind of party.

BANG

I quickly jolt up from my bed, as my heart seems to be racing a million miles per hour, having trouble reacting with the loud noise.

What on earth was that? Okay, maybe one of the neighbours are drunk and accidentally slipped, that seems like a logical explanation.

Suddenly I hear the loud bang again this time coming from what seems like our front door? I stay paralyzed with fear in bed hoping Casper would come in to comfort me but sadly nothing happens. Slowly I peel myself away from the safe warm covers and tiptoe through the hallway as I peak into Casper’s room. She was sound asleep completely oblivious to this whole situation.

I contemplate weather or not to wake her up when suddenly a small grunt is heard and some shuffling. My palms soon start to become clammy as my anxiety continues to grow rapidly. Quickly, I make my way to the kitchen and scavenge through the drawers until I find a butter knife.

I guess this is my best option.

Another loud bang is heard against the front door with multiple aggressive knocks followed afterwards.

“B-Bea please…” A faint voice slurs as my eyes go wide.

Could it be? No it simply can’t be him.

I run swiftly towards the door before taking a deep breath and looking through the peephole. My stomach suddenly drops as I see a mop of curly hair leaning against the doorframe, those powerful emerald green eyes looking down towards the floor.

“Open up! Fuck…” He mumbles while trying to regain his posture but failing at the attempt.

I quickly unlock the door scared that he would hurt himself or worse, someone calling the cops. I quickly swing the door open and his sharp gaze is immediately glued on me as he tries to understand what is going on. His eyes scan my body until they land on the knife being held tightly between my fists, my knuckles white from the lack of blood flow in them.

“Bea, dollface. Wh-what are you doing here?” He slurs out while tumbling inside. I heave out a huge breath as he drops onto me, giving me most of his weight. A shriek is released from my lips as the knife collides with the floor creating a rather disturbing sound. I look down slowly and stare at the blade that created a small indentation into the wood, mere inches away from my foot.

“H-Harry I live here.” I mumble with difficulty as my tiny frame tries to support his large body.

Harry regains balance on both of his feet as his weight is lifted off my body while I release a relieved breath. He caresses my cheeks with both of his large hands before huskily slurring. “Baby, I missed you so fucking much.”

A frown forms on my face as I think of the harsh words that were spoken to me by him just a few hours ago so I bluntly respond. “It’s been only a few hours.” He furrows his eyebrows at my comment and quickly opens his mouth to speak but I decide to beat him to it. “Save it.”

My mind races as I try to drag him out the living room before Casper wakes up to all the commotion that’s going. He tries to speak but his mind gave him trouble as the strong stench of alcohol filled my nostrils.

“I’m s-sorry…” He suddenly mumbles as I sit him down on my bed before bending down in attempt to untie the shoelaces of his black combat boots. “For what?” I reply coldly, already knowing the answer.

He releases a groan before stammering. “I was an asshole with no remorse and I don’t fucking know why I snapped li-like that!” I ignore his words as I work on the other boot while he stares at me with tired eyes. Suddenly my chin is jerked upwards a little too harshly but I know it wasn’t his fault but the alcohol pulsing through his veins.

“You’re mad… Don’t be, I’m here now.” Harry utters but I quietly scoff to myself before replying. “You went out and got completely intoxicated when you know it’s slowing down your path to recovery.”

“It’s not… hurting me.” A small mumble escapes his lips as I completely let down my guard for a quick second. “When will you realize that you’re not only hurting yourself but the others around you. The people that care for you.”

“No one cares about me!” He snaps back too quickly as I feel a slight sting in my chest. I slide off one boot and advance to the other as Harry quickly stammers. “Fuck… I-I didn’t mean it like that.” I pick my best options and decide it’s best just not to say anything anymore until Harry sobers up, which definitely won’t be anytime soon.

“Talk to me… Please!” He shouts catching me completely off guard before I quickly rise from my knees and clamp my hand tightly over his mouth.

“Not now, we’ll talk about this tomorrow.” I say harshly having more courage than I normally would because this time Harry wasn’t his full self. “Jesus Christ, plea-” He starts whining but I quickly cut him off. “Casper is sleeping Harry!”

Harry quickly looks away with furrowed eyebrows and flared nostrils. He is pissed.

Something catches my sight as I sharply turn my head towards his knuckles and notice the dark velvety colour covering the skin as if it was wet paint on a canvas.

I quickly grab his wrist examining it with intense eyes and stammer. “What on earth happened to you?” The cut wasn’t too deep but it stretched all the way from his index finger to his thumb.

Harry simply shrugs before mumbling. “I-I can’t seem to remember. I think… I was playing with my pocket knife and-”

“Are you crazy, especially when drunk! Where is it now?” I snap worried about the boys’ safety.

He looks up at me with fake innocent eyes. “I don’t know…” I release a groan before sliding my hand into every pocket on his leather jacket but still nothing.

Oh great.

“Stand up.” I say while trying to keep a confident tone in my voice. A lazy smirk appears on Harry’s face as he does what I say while I gently press my body to his. Shocked by the warmth radiating of off his chest I hesitantly slide my hands behind his back and slowly into both pockets.

Still nothing.

A devious smile is set on his lips, as he knows what’s next. I roll my eyes before I quickly place my hand into his front left pocket, dangerously close to his member but mutter to myself as it still isn’t there. I check the other one and I immediately feel the cool metal against my fingertips. My eyes go wide as I pull it out and gawk at the size of his “pocket knife”.

“Harry this isn’t in your classic Swiss army knife. It could seriously hurt someone.” I scold him before quickly running to my drawer and hiding the lethal object inside.

“Baby relax. I think it’s pretty safe to say I’m a big boy and know how to handle it.” He stammers proudly while sitting back down on the edge of my bed.

Sarcastically I state while pointing to his cut. “Clearly not…”

He rolls his eyes as I quickly run into my bathroom and scavenge my cabinet until I find some rubbing alcohol and a few clean cotton swabs.

I come back to find Harry fumbling with his belt having great difficulty being in the state that he’s in.

“Give me your hand.” I state as he for once listens to me.

“I’m seriously loving this whole nurse thing. It’s cute.” Harry slurs with a lazy smile implanted on his perfect face.

I hold in a smirk before replying. “You won’t be loving it after this.” He looks up at me confused until I press the wet cotton swab over his cut. An agonizing moan is released from his lips as he quickly retracts his hand from mine.

“Holy shit! You couldn’t have fucking warned me. That hurts like a fucking b-” The harsh tone in his voice is quickly cut off by me. “Harry stop yelling.” I hiss before pressing the cotton swab another time into the wound while he winces.

Finally as I managed to clean the cut and tie the bandage around his hand I quickly leave the room in search for some water. Harry will desperately need it tomorrow. I get what I need and run past Casper’s room to see her peacefully asleep. Jesus, that girl can sleep through everything.

Once back in my room Harry struggles to take his pants off as I quickly panic. “What are you doing?”

“You can’t expect me to sleep in these tight fucking things.” He states finally sliding his pants off and throwing them at me jokingly. He now stood in front of me with only a simple white shirt and a very tight pare of boxers that definitely sculpted his body well.

I felt my cheeks grow hot as I notice Harry catching me look. “You don’t have to be so shy to ask.”

He sticks both thumbs into the band of his boxers before my eyes widen. “No, no, Harry you’re drunk!”

“You don’t want to see my dick, baby?” He chuckles before slipping off his shirt and throwing it to the floor while my cheeks seem to be burning up even more.

Well there goes my plan for acting confident as he completely turned me into a vulnerable mess.

“We’re going to bed.” I say trying to recollect myself while Harry, who was more than comfortable, slides himself into my covers. I do the same while lying on my side, my back facing him as I thought he would pass out immediately. Suddenly I feel a familiar hand on my hip pushing me towards his warm chest and my body starts to relax. The familiar sensation of his heart beating against my back practically lulled me to sleep.

All of a sudden the hand resting on my hip slowly starts sliding down my thigh and my eyes immediately snap open. I feel the mattress shift as his lips slowly graze my ear. “You know… I’m really liking these shorts on you.”

Just as I’m about to reply I let out a loud gasp when his lips sloppily kiss the sensitive spot at the crook of my neck. My whole body feels utterly helpless and caught off guard as his teeth start tugging at the skin.

“H-Harry stop that!” I hiss while shifting from his body and turning off my lamp. The room goes completely pitch black and there is silence for a long while. I rest my now heavy head on my pillow while my back faced him.

I start to think Harry has finally gave up the battle with his brain and let his sleepiness take over when suddenly he stammers. “Bea?”

“Mm” I manage to let out a faint noise as my eyes start to feel heavier than ever but I try to fight the feeling.

“I-I told Zayn something tonight and I think it’s true.” He blubbers as I have a hard time concentrating on his words while my head sinks deeper and deeper into the pillow.

Lazily I open my mouth and say. “What….is… it?”

“I-I think I lo…” His words, so soothing and calm completely melt me away as I hear his last words but don’t understand them. I try to fight the feeling but my conscious was slowly slipping away into a state of deep slumber. I am far gone by now in my own mind, dreaming about the things I wish I heard Harry say.

Notes

HEY GUYS!!!!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and please COMMENT, RATE AND SUBSCRIBE!!!

I love you all so much

-Michaela <3

also should i joint wattpad?