My Kind Of Love

Chapter 41 Still Not Over This Love For You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSPOCVjla_4

**Roxy’s POV**

Delicately it crawls along the chipped wood, making sure it stays unseen. Its smooth velvet black coat shines against the reflection of the old dusty lamp until suddenly a large shadow peers over its small body. Quickly it starts to run from the dark shade, fearful for its life until suddenly…

“SMACK!”

I quickly remove my book from the bedside table and turn if over to examine the gruesome sight. Its legs twitched slowly, as its body was no longer intact.

I hate spiders.

I didn’t know how much longer I could last in this crummy motel room before going insane and stabbing someone in the eye. Of course I had to listen to Jasons’ words and stay on the down low for a while until my fake application papers will get accepted so I can enter college. His plan gave me a sick feeling to the gut but I had no other choice to listen unless I want to be selling my body somewhere on the streets.

I let out a bored groan before resting my cold palms on my forehead. Suddenly my phone buzzes and I immediately jump up in anticipation of who it could be.

“Gonna be at the motel in ten to come and get you. Haz wants to discuss some things.” –Zayn Malik, 2:05 pm

Immediately I feel my palms get clammy as I respond.

“It’s been a long time since you texted this number…” –Roxy, 2:06 pm

“Just get ready.” –Zayn Malik, 2:08 pm

My heart sinks at his blunt words but I decide to ignore the odd ache in my chest and dig through my suitcase to find something decent to wear.

After what felt like an eternity I pick out something casual and peel off my shirt to change as well as my sweatpants leaving me only in my matching red bra and panties. Suddenly I hear the door open as Zayn steps in totally unaware of my clothing situation.

More like a no clothing situation, to be honest.

“Have you heard of knocking?” I snap as I try to cover my body with the sweatpants I was holding.

“Oh relax, it’s not like the site of you naked is anything I haven’t seen before.” He says casually while taking a sit on the creaky bed. I quickly turn around and walk to the bathroom ignoring what Zayn said so he wouldn’t catch the pink shade burning into my face. I needed to play it off cool just like he did and show no sign of interest.

As I start changing into my jeans I hear Zayn comment. “Love what you did with the place, it’s pure class.” Obvious sarcasm portraying in his raspy voice as he looks through the books placed on the dresser.

“Oh shush will you. It was Jas-” I quickly smack my hand against my mouth to stop myself from talking while I mentally cursed at how much of an imbecile I was. A cold sweat rushes through my body as Zayn enters the bathroom and raises an eyebrow while leaning against the doorframe.

“What did you say? I didn’t quite catch the last word.” I could sense the suspicion in his voice as I felt the heat rush into my head.

I respond a little too fast. “I-I said it was you who drove me to this place after all.” A light chuckle escapes his lips and immediately a sense of relief rushes through my whole body. While I struggle to pull my jeans up I notice from the side of my eye that his gaze was strongly on my exposed body. He notices that I caught him so he quickly reverts his gaze from me and to the wall while crossing his arms, acting as if nothing happened.

I need to be careful around Zayn. I am so used to letting my guard down with him due to our past but it will only lead to more slip-ups like this one. I start to picture a scenario in my head of what would have had happened if I did say Jasons’ name.

The pang of guilt hits me again, harder this time. The fact that I have to betray this boy another time is breaking me. But of course, I had no other choice.

“What’s this?” Zayn questions while pointing to the tiny gold wrapper on the floor. My eyes go wide as I realize it was the condom wrapper Jason and I used yesterday to let off some steam.

Zayn picks it up and examines it until he gives me a cheeky smirk. “Whom have you been fooling around with lately?” Lies race through my head at the speed of light at what I could possibly answer to that.

“Oh my god, I have been looking for that everywhere!” I explain before grabbing it out of his hand and making the fakest surprised reaction I could. He gives me a confused look as I continue to lie. “You see when I first came into this room I found that nasty thing hidden under my pillow from the previous people. I wanted to take it and complain to the manager but afterwards I forgot where I placed it.” Please, please tell me he bought it.

After a few seconds of silence he says. “See this is the shit why I don’t go to motels.” Another wave of relief washes through me as he bought my lie.

The fact that I had to cover up for Jason and me, made the lie so much worse. After I cheated on Zayn with him I felt like I deserved to be punished so I never denied sleeping with Jason no matter how much I wanted to. It killed me the first few times I let him have sex with me but soon I became numb and just stopped caring. Eventually the sex became something we did to let off steam when no one else was around. No strings were attached because I basically despise Jason and all he wants is to find a nice hole to stick is dick in and hump it a few times.

Quickly I shake my head to get rid of those depressive thoughts as I grab my shirt and place it over my head. Zayn leans against the doorframe impatiently as I quickly grab my eyeliner pen and draw a smooth line over my eyelid. I precede the same process with the other eye before grabbing my matte purple lipstick. I guess the natural look wasn’t for me.

Finally I throw on my leather boots and coat before walking up to Zayn. “All done.” I sweetly smile as a smirk remains on his lips.

“I guess the wait was worth it.” I can’t help but smile deeply as his words before turning around and heading to the door. He confused me so much… One minute he was pissed off that I cheated on him and the next minute Zayn was hitting on me.

What a promiscuous boy.

I quickly head to his car noticing that it is empty and remark. “I thought Harry would be in the car?”

“You honestly think Harry would have that much patience before bursting through your door.” He chuckles while opening the door for me. Those actions didn’t flatter me anymore, as I knew he did it for any lady.

“Where is he then?” I ask starting to grow a little anxious.

“He’s back at his flat, waiting for you.” He replies. I immediately start to feel my palms go clammy. “Oh… I wasn’t expecting that. I’m a bit nervous.” I reply to Zayn as my throat suddenly becomes dryer then the actual Savannah desert itself.

Suddenly Zayn turns his head towards my direction and coldly says. “Honestly you should be… He doesn’t really like the idea of you trying to get back.” I feel my stomach sink as I try to hide any sign of hurt.

“Well isn’t that lovely to know.” I remark rhetorically as I don’t hide any sarcasm in my voice.

He lets out a light chuckle before patting my head as if I were a little kid. “But with me on your side you’ll be in the gang soon.” Another pang of guilt hits me for the hundredth time. I was internally breaking knowing that I have to betray him once more, knowing I just earned most of his trust.

“Zayn it’s Harry we’re talking about and what Harry says, goes. There’s no arguing against it.” I say feeling a little hopeless due to Harry’s arrogance and stubbornness. He places a hand on my knee squeezing it, causing me to calm down and stop my rant.

“Hey, hey. It’s all right; just tell him what you told me. The guy has a heart because he wont just let you live on the street Roxanne.”

A breathless laugh escapes my lips as Zayn questions. “What’s so amusing?”

“You just called me Roxanne. No one has ever really called me that expect my grams.” I sadly sigh thinking about the wonderful woman who raised me when my mom traded me for cocaine and left me at her doorsteps. Unfortunately my grams lives all the way in Kansas City so I don’t see her as often as I should.

“I used to call you that.” Zayn speaks so low I barely could hear it. I stop to think about it and realize that he was right.

A small smile plays out on my face as I could barely hide it. “You did.”

Suddenly Zayn clears his throat uncomfortably and says with a serious tone. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what?” I say a bit nervously.

“Why did you do it?” My breath hitches in my throat as he almost whispers the sentence. I knew what he was talking about but I was trying to lie to myself and pretend I didn’t.

Slowly I respond. “D-do what?”

“Sleep with Jason… I mean, what did I do wrong?” His voice shows a bit of sadness yet I could clearly sense the anger.

Slowly I turn my head to Zayn and examine his beautiful features. “Not now Zayn. Please not now, it happened a year ago. What’s done is done.”

“So after fucking breaking my heart you can’t even say why you did it? You owe it to me Roxanne!” He shouts as I see the veins in his neck become more prominent. Something his body always did to him when he was angry.

I let out an impatient sigh. “You really want to know why I did it?”

“I do, so maybe when I go into another relationship I won’t repeat the same fucking mistake.” Zayn snaps back as I rub my clammy hands against the rough fabric of my jeans. I stay silent for another two minutes until I finally speak again.

“I did it to keep you and your gang safe okay? Jason had a plan to take all of you out and I fucking saved your asses so you’re welcome Zayn!” I feel warm tears start to poor down my face as the yelling makes my throat raw.

Zayn stares at me with a look of shock as I continue to cry. “He got me drunk and started threatening me and-and I just didn’t know what to do anymore. It’s been killing me this whole time that I had to hide this from you.” I completely lose it in front of the boy I used to love so much as he slowly rubs my back.

“Why didn’t you tell me for fuck sake Roxanne?” Zayn says weakly as I look up into his red eyes.

“H-he threatened me… He would kill one of you.” I finally feel a weight lift of my shoulders as I tell Zayn the truth. The night both Jason and me ended up in the same bar. Suddenly I feel the car pull over on this side of the somewhat busy road. Zayn stops the car and quickly pulls me in for a long hug.

I didn’t miss the tear that was falling down his cheek.

So many emotions were erupting inside of me as I lightly inhaled the sent of what I was so used to. So many feelings were coming back to the surface, the emotions I tried to bury for so long. I start to feel overwhelmed so I quickly pull away from him.

He gives me a faint smile as he starts to drive to Harry’s. The rest of the ride remains silent as I mind goes on over drive.

I love him. I love that boy so much and it scares me because I know I shouldnt.

Notes

Hey guys!

Yes it's been two months, and I wanted to say that it's best for me if I update every month because I have been so busy lately with school. Don't worry though, because MKOL has a few juicy chapters ahead guys!!!

Enjoy the chapter and please RATE/COMMENT/SUSCRIBE!!!

kik: Katniss_Peeta

Love you all

-Michaela <3