Over Again

We marched through the giant halls on our way to the lawyer's room. I had Harry in my right , Louis in my left, and Zayn beside Harry. Louis and Harry we're talking about the reasons that my math teacher was such an ass. I simply kept my mouth shut, because if I started, the list would be eternal. Zayn occasionally added on, but currently was in a call with his sister, since it was her birthday. The boys all had siblings, but they were staying with their uncles, aunts or grandparents' places, because they didn't want to move to California. As we neared the double doors, Louis and Harry's conversation drifted to an end. I was uneasy as we entered the room, and a lady dressed in formal attire- a black office skirt, extremely high heels, and a white blouse, complimented by silver studs, and her blonde hair in a neat chignon. I assumed her to be a lawyer person who handled the wills of...
I couldn't even bear the thought, so I pushed it back, as far as it would go, as I had been doing ever since the incident. I knew that everything that was bottled up would explode sometime, but we would cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, I held onto the hope that it would somehow disappear.
"Hello Miss River. I'm Ms Kravitz, but you can call me Susan. These are...", the woman spoke, with a hint of a Southern accent, gesturing to Harry, Louis and Zayn, who looked around, seeming kind of awkward in the area, just like me.
"Hello Susan. Please call me Jenna. These are my friends, Louis, Harry and Zayn. They're...", I trailed off, not quite knowing what to say.
"We're helping her", Harry completed, hopefully erasing some of the tension in the room.
About an hour later of sorting, she told us that everything that we had a part to play in was done, and she would take everything from now. I expected to be receiving the money and belongings of my parents soon, and everything in my house now belonged to me. The other stuff was more complicated, and I should be expecting in about two weeks, for one last meeting and it was all done.
I felt like bursting into tears. I didn't want this. I didn't. I just wanted them back. But they weren't coming, since they were buried in the ground.
They had already had their funeral, which I refused to attend. What kind of daughter does that? A horrible one, that's what. And that was most definitely me. We walked back to our bikes in silence. I had hitched a ride with Harry, since he had a motorbike- all of the boys did, and I would be way too slow on my regular old bicycle, as much as I loved it. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket, and I pulled it out of my skinny blue jeans pocket, and it showed a text from Niall.
From: TheAmazingNialler:)
Hey! how'd it go? See ya at Nando's in fifteen, byee!! -Nialler :)

"Hey... Niall asked for us to meet at Nando's in fifteen....", I told the guys, and they nodded, Louis saying, "Let's eat this baby!!", making all of us laugh. But when I did, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt like throwing up, and I could most certainly not handle food, even if it is as good as Nando's.

"You know what, I'm probably gonna pass on this one... I'm not feeling too well, but I'll see you guys soon, kay?", I told them, texting Niall pretty much the same thing as I tried not to feel any worse than already.
"No, it's okay. We'll come with you, and we can get Niall over, and tear Liam apart from his precious sleep. Come over to ours?', Zayn offered with a smile.
On regular days, I would've jumped at the offer, knowing the fun we would have. But now... Nothing was the same, and I couldn't keep living out of their house forever, after I had convinced the lawyer that I could live alone, as my Godmother lived only two houses down, and didn't bother to visit much anyway, probably because she knew that I needed my space.
"Thanks, but I think I'm good. I'm probably aiming for a nice soak, bubble bath and a good book", I replied to Zayn's offer, forcing a smile onto my face, no matter how wrong it seemed there at the time. After a while, they dropped me off, after a lot of negotiating, and I did exactly that. After about two hours of The Fault in Our Stars and scalding hot water, I finally got out, my skin wrinkled from the time in the water. I quickly wiped myself off, and decided to go for a walk, knowing that I desperately needed some time to get my mind off things. I pulled on my white and teal striped shirt to go with my black shorts and leather jacket with my severely worn out combat boots, pulling my hair into a pony tail, and grabbing my UrbanEars on my way out the front door, plugging them into my phone as I locked up. Then, I started walking towards a nearby park, even though it was kinda late, but still light since it was summer. I put the music as Skycraper by Demi Lovato, hoping to forget about everything as I walked, my hands shoved deep into the back pockets of my shorts, treading across the dry gravel, watching my feet. About seven songs later, I couldn't hold back the thoughts of everything that was happening. Why me? Why them? What's going to happen?
A thousand questions flooded my mind, and everything that was nowhere related to my parents, even the smallest things seemed huge, as the domino effect became stronger and stronger. Eventually, I couldn't hold back the silent tears that came down my cheeks, dropping onto the ground beneath them. I walked over to a nearby tree, and let everything out, leaning against it. I didn't even realize that I was dripping wet until a pair of hands touched my shoulder, as I jerked back in shock, trying to see through my blurred vision due to my crying. I saw that it was extremely dark and a man was standing in front of me, smirking, his rough, callussed hands rubbing circles on my cheeks. Just then, I was frozen. No. This couldn't be happening. I willed myself to wake up- this had to be a dream, but to no avail. The man pulled me up roughly, running his hands down my sides, pinning me against the rough bark of the tree. I felt horribly sick, like throwing up, the second time of the day.
"Look what we have here", the man said as more tears rolled down my cheeks, his lips pressed close to my ear, his hands reaching to places of my body that I wanted to wrench them away from. I screamed, but only let out a small sound, my throat parched from all the crying.
"P-Please... Don't do th-this. Pl-Please", I begged him, and felt him smirk.
"Oh no. You're going to enjoy this", he said against my ear, sending sickening chills down my spine. I mustered up all the strength I had left and prepared to kick him where the sun doesn't shine. I raised my knee, only to have it blocked easily by his hands.
"Ooh. Feisty. I like it", was all he said as he pulled my jacket off forcefully, leaving me exposed in my pink bra, as he began.
I screamed in pain, crying, but he wouldn't stop.
Then he left me there, with me against the tree, sobbing hard as I tried to pull my clothes back on. I couldn't call anyone- my phone had survived the rain but was out of battery. I sat there until my throat went dry, and my eyes unable to produce more tears. Instead, I was sent into a fit of painful hiccups, as I walked back home.
I didn't know what to think. What to do. It was like I was finally awake, and out of my perfect little bubble, cast into the real world, only to have things wrenched away from me. My life... It barely had a meaning anymore.
I fumbled with my trembling hands, my body full of bruises once again, and finally managed to get the door open, walking upstairs as fast as I can. I quickly grabbed a towel and put the water on for the bath, as I stepped in to the shower, feeling so... dirty. Horrible. How could those people live with themselves after doing this to others. How?
I got out, and collapsed into the bath again, drinking some water from the kitchen, and letting my sobs out, and I let myself fall asleep in the bath itself.

I was woken up by feet shuffling around, and my name being called. Instead, I stayed silent. I couldn't talk to them- I couldn't bring myself to. What would I say? Hey! I feel horrible and a guy ripped all my clothes off and I'm not a virgin anymore! Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that, even though I screamed like hell because it was horrible and forced!"
Yeah, that would totally work out. After about ten minutes, I heard them retreat, probably assuming that I was out. I could bet that that was Ash and Chloe- I knew them well enough. I stayed in the bath, letting the old water drain out and fresh, hot water replace it. An hour later, I heard footsteps again. Ugh. Why did I give my house keys to so many people? This time, I was sure it was Louis as he called my name- his voice easily identifiable. I used the same technique, but he managed to find out that I was in the bathroom. And like the idiot I was, I hadn't locked it. And like the idiot HE was, he barged right in.

I moved quickly, reflexively, in pure shock as his eyes widened and he shut them, retreating back out. I just hoped he hadn't... Seen anything.
Or the bruises. Shit- of course he had- they were everywhere!

"U-um... I'm sorry! Shit, I didn't mean to do that...", Louis said.
Damn right you're sorry!
"LOUIS!", I scream-whined, annoyed at him, and heard him chuckle on the other side of the door, as I quickly wiped my tear stained eyes.
"I can hear you, dickhead", I told him, only to have him chuckle again.
"I'm coming in, so put some clothes on. You have exactly one minute and I have it on timer.", he told me.
"I only have a towel!", I told him.
"And besides, it's MY house!", I added.
"And do you think I really care? 47 seconds."
I groaned internally as I managed to wipe off and wrap the towel around my self, trying to cover as much of my body as I could. I couldn't let him find out about what happened. I just couldn't. Just as I got out, Louis burst in, a smile playing on his lips and bright red cheeks. I looked at the ground. I couldn't be my regular self.
Hell, I wasn't my old self. THIS was my regular self now. I pursed my lips, and looked up slightly, and saw Louis' eyes scanning my body up and down. .
"Hey!", I said, trying to fool him, but he wasn't that dumb. Instead, he too pursed his lips and asked me,
"What the hell happened?"
I didn't quite know what to answer to that, and decided to play dumb, hoping that he would give up.
"Bullshit. You're covered in blue and purple, and just tell me what happened", he responded, unbelieving. His eyes were wide, curious, and with sympathy. And didn't want it.
"Just believe me! Nothing- NOTHING, happened, okay?" Why was he feeling sorry for me? I get why, but... No. I didn't. And I wasn't having any of it. It was all I could do to stop the tears from bursting out of my eyes, and I breathed deeply, trying to blink them back.
"Look... I'm sorry. But there's something wrong, Jen. There's a huge scrape down your neck, you're covered in blue and purple, and your eyes... Just tell me", he pleaded, although with a slight commanding tone. I didn't even realize that a tear had gone down my cheek, until Louis stepped closer, wiping it and embracing me in a tight hug. I didn't respond to his embrace at first, but relaxed, and let the sobs come up. Again.
Why couldn't I stop crying?
I don't know, maybe because of the fact that my parents are dead and because of what happened in the park... Just the thought made me sob harder, and I clutched the towel hard, I could feel my nails digging into my skin through the towel.
He held my shoulders and pulled me out of his hug, "Just tell me. I won't tell anyone, but I can help you. Please", he said.
"Just let me get changed first", I mumbled, hesitantly, and turned on my heel to walk down to my room. I let loose my towel after locking the door, hearing Louis go downstairs. I quickly slipped on a bra and panties, and I stood in front of the mirror, examining myself. I had bruises over every inch of skin, scrapes all over, especially one extending from the nape of my neck, down and past my collar bone, to the hollow between my bra. I tried to ignore the sight, and slipped on a pair of loose PJs and a baggy full sleeve tshirt, hoping to cover myself so that he wouldn't notice the severity of it. I reluctantly unlocked the door and walked down to the living room gingerly, where Louis was sitting. Moving hurt, but I tried to hide it. I sat down in front of Louis on the couch, removing my slippers and crossing my legs, leaning against the soft, brown leather. And I told him everything.

Notes

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