“Tonights been so fun.” Rachel smiled holding onto my as we danced inside the club. “Are you gonna go talk to lover boy? He’s by himself right now.”

I told Rachel my plan to talk to Niall and clear everything up with the whole love thing. I didn’t need that hanging over my head.

“I’ll go now.” I let go of her and headed towards the table Niall was occupying all alone.

“Where’s whats her name?” I mumbled as I sat down next to him.

“Dunno. She’s kinda a bitch.” He laughed. He was drunk, way beyond drunk. I was drunk too but not at his level of drunkenness. I should probably wait until we’re sober to talk about everything but I can’t.

“Niall, can we talk?” I said loud enough for him to hear over the music.

“Yeah, want to get some fresh air?” he asked.

I nodded, following him out of the club, getting a nasty look from Kinley and a very pissed off look from Harry. Maybe I should have told him what my plan was and I wasn’t actually leaving the club with Niall. Whatever, he’ll get over it.

“There’s a little wall down here we can sit on.” Niall said as he led the way. I followed at a safe distance behind him just in case someone was watching. I didn’t need anyone to get the wrong idea. “So here we are.”

“How’d you know this was here? It’s so pretty.” We were sitting on a little brick wall that overlooked the river. The lights from the city twinkled perfectly.

“I drunkenly stumbled here one night when I needed some fresh air. Kinda like what we just did now.” He laughed. “What’s wrong?”

“Niall, I’m just going to come right out and say this, be honest.” He nodded. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“What? You’re dating Harry.” Was all he said.

“You didn’t answer my question.” I stated.

“Spencer, even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Like I said, you’re with Harry. I’m out of the equation. He’s me best mate.”

“You said you’d be honest.” I sighed. He quickly stood up from the wall.

“Ya want the truth?” he almost shouted, I nodded unsure of what was to come. “I fucking love ya! Every single inch of ya. You’re perfect Spencer. And I was so fucking stupid to sleep wit ya. But I’m a selfish bastard. I thought… maybe if I hook up wit her, the feelings will go away. Nope! They grew. I started to like ya more and more. And I can’t stop. No matter what I do! It doesn’t matter who I hook up wit or who I try to date! It’s always you! But fucking Harry has ya and it doesn’t matter. Once again, Harry wins the girl and I’m put out all alone.”

I sat there unsure of what to do next. I wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. I went to talk but he started again.

“And it wouldn’t even matter if you felt the same way back, ya aren’t breaking up wit Harry, let alone breaking up wit him for me.”

“Niall…I don’t know what to say.” I sighed, sobering up pretty quickly. “I wasn’t expecting any of this. I thought everyone was nuts.”

“It’s okay, ya don’t have to say anything.”

“But I do, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I shouldn’t have cheated. I should have stopped myself. But you know why I didn’t?”

“Ya were drunk?” he chuckled.

“No Niall, because way back then, I liked you too!” I stood up to meet him at eye level. “When we hooked up I liked you! I knew I was with Harry but something about you always drew me in. It’s so insane that I’m admitting any of this now, because I do love Harry, and I want to be with him. But in the back of my mind it’s always going to be what if? What if I didn’t date Harry and I dated you? What if Niall?”

“I can’t tell ya what if Spencer, it’s never going to happen.” He ran a hand through his messed up blonde hair. “You’re wit Harry forever now, I see it. He’s so in love wit ya.”

“But what if I’m not in a forever kind of love with him?”

“Spencer, don’t say that. Ya are, and ya know it too.”

“I don’t know what I am Niall.” I felt the first tear drop. “I don’t know about anything anymo…”

I started but was cut off by Niall kissing me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. I melted into his kiss as his hands moved up and down my sides. My arms wrapped around his neck, leaving no space in between us. We stood still, kissing for what seemed like an eternity before he pulled back. Still in our embrace he leaned his forehead against mine.

“What are ya thinking of right now?” He whispered.

“Harry.” I let another tear fall at my honest answer.

“What about Harry?” I swore he sniffled back a tear.

“How bad this could hurt him.” I cried, leaning into his chest.

“See Spencer, we aren’t meant to be. If we were Harry wouldn’t be the first thing ya thought of, let alone his feelings. Ya would have thought about us.”

“Niall, I’m so sorry.”

“Ya can’t be sorry over feelings. It’s what’s meant to be in the world.” He kissed my forehead.

“Ya belong with Harry. I’ll find my Spencer one day, today’s just not that day.”

“Please not Kinley. We don’t like her.” I laughed, wiping a tear from my cheek.

“Definitely not her, I promise.” He took a step back, holding his hand out. “We should get back before someone notices we’re gone and assumes the worst.”

“Too late for that I’m sure.” I tried to smile. “Are we going to be okay though? I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me Spenc. I care too much.” He smiled.

When we entered back into the club, I instantly found Rachel and Emily to tell them what had happened. We all huddled into the bathroom as they attempted to fix my makeup from crying, listening to my sob story.

“So he flat out said he’s in love with you?!” Emily stared at me.

“Yep, has been since day one.” I sighed.

“Babe, don’t let this get to you. Harry is a great guy, you’d win either way.”

“I know I just hate that someone always has to get hurt.” I pouted.

“Niall is a grown ass man. He’ll find someone one day. Don’t worry about him. We’ll help him find a great girl if that would make you feel any better.”

I shrugged, not really sure what would make me better.

“Well not to sour your mood even more, but Kinley has been flirting awfully hard with Harry. He seems pretty amused by it but you can never be too sure.” Rachel smiled. I nodded ready to get back out there.

I walked over to the table we were occupying and plopped down right next to Harry. He had seen Niall and I leave together so I was hoping he wouldn’t assume the worst.

“Everything okay?” he mumbled into my ear.

I nodded, not sure of my voice at this moment. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder causing me to look at him.

“Have you been crying?” his face contorted into concern.

I nodded yes again, still not sure I would be able to talk to him without breaking down. I glanced over at Niall who was looking at me and Harry already. We made brief eye contact before his gaze shifted down into his drink.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” he didn’t sound convinced.

This time I nodded no and tears fell.

“That’s it we’re going home.” He stood up abruptly. “Lads, ladies, we’ll see you soon yeah? Spencer doesn’t feel well, I’m going to get her home.”

“See ya later mate.” Liam said. I didn’t wait for the rest of the group to say goodbye, I couldn’t face Niall again. I spun around making a dash for the door. I was a ways down the road before Harry caught up with me.

“Can I call a cab or do you plan on walking to the complete other side of London?”

“Cab.” I managed to say in between sobs.

“Babe, please talk to me. You’re scaring me.”

“Later.” I whispered.

He held me close the entire time we ventured home. Once we got inside our apartment, everything came flowing out. I cried for a good ten minutes before I calmed down enough to actually talk to Harry.

“I’m sorry.” I managed to sputter out.

“For what babe?” Harry sat behind, holding me close. I laid between his open legs, my back against his chest.

“I kissed Niall tonight.” It probably wasn’t the best way to explain the situation, but my head wasn’t working right at the moment.

“Okay, why?” he surprisingly stayed extremely calm.

“Well a few people had mentioned that he may have feelings for me.” I paused turning around to face Harry. “And I needed to clear everything up. I hadn’t even thought about that before. The idea was insane to me.”

“And I’m sure you found out he did.” Harry added.

“Yes, unfortunately he does.”

“What happened?”

“Well when you saw us leave the club, that’s what I was doing. I wanted to talk to him one on one and get to the bottom of this. It turns out that his feelings are way more than expected. Somehow, the cheating got brought up along with the fact that back then I also had feelings for him.” I watched Harrys face fall with pain. “We ended up talking about how I’m supposed to be with you so none of that matters now. In the middle of one of my long winded rants he cut me off by kissing me.”

“And?” Harry sat patiently waiting for me to finish.

“I’m not going to lie, I kissed him back and for a second it felt right.”

“You’re little old boyfriend never popped into your head? Like hey Spencer, quit being such a moron and go back to the club and not cheat again!” he shouted, standing up from the bed.

“Wait!” I shouted back standing up to face him. “I’m not done!”

“Sure you aren’t. So the kiss sort of felt right, what happened next? Why not sleep with him again just to make sure! Am I right?” he got in my face.

“No you jackass! You’re completely wrong! I’m telling you this because we’re honest with each other! We trust in each other!” I shoved his chest away from me.

“Trust? This is trust? Me worrying about when my girlfriend is going to be a slut and cheat on me again?” he yelled, pushing me back.

“A slut? Seriously Harry, everything I do is for you! I didn’t take my dream job until I talked to you about it, I bought apartments with you because I love you! How dare you call me a slut!” I yelled.

“Maybe you’re supposed to be with him. I mean you like sleeping with him enough, you keep going back. Why not just stay with him?”

“Because it happened one time and it was a mistake!” I sighed frustrated. “How can you say that?”

“So how was it, huh? Everything you dreamed of and more? Everything I can’t fucking give you?” I stepped closer to me again.

“I DIDN’T FUCK HIM. YOU’RE BEING INSANE.” I yelled at him. I loved London, but I hated coming here cause it’s the only place we ever fought.

“I’M INSANE? I DIDN’T CHEAT! TWICE!” he moved inches from my face, yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Harry, I didn’t sleep with Niall.” I calmed my voice, realizing yelling was getting us nowhere.

“So what fucking happened then Spencer? Huh? Enlighten me.” His voice stayed raised.

“I’m trying to but you won’t shut up long enough for me to!”

“I won’t shut up. Good, great. I don’t want to know what you did with my best mate. Spare me the details.”

“There are no details other than the fact that when it was all said and done, I felt nothing towards Niall because my feelings are too strong for you. You’re all I thought about. I couldn’t bear the thought of what I had just done. All I could think about was how much I was hurting you.”

He sat back down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. “Spencer, I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“Save it. I’m going to stay with someone else.” I said as I put a few things into an overnight bag.

“Where are you going to go? It’s London?” he sighed trying to hug me.

“Don’t touch me.” I flinched away from him.

“Babe, I’m sorry. I should have let you finished.”

“You should have, but you didn’t.” I walked out of the bedroom still in my dress from the evening’s events.

“I’ll sleep on the couch, babe, please don’t leave.”

“You have a bad temper. And sometimes it scares me.” I said, zipping up the bag.

“Who are you going to stay with?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll just call Ella because I don’t want to ruin any of our friends nights.”

“Don’t stay at Ella’s.”

“Fine, I’ll go to a hotel.”

“What if someone sees you? It’ll look insanely bad for us.”

“Couples fight Harry, no relationship is perfect and you’re a damn fool if you think we’re going to pretend like we are.”

“Just don’t go.”

“Goodnight.” I shut the door behind me, dialing Ellas number. I knew she’d be up, I was hoping she wasn’t out still. Luckily she answered almost instantly.

“Spencer, what’s wrong?”

“Can I crash at your place tonight?”

“Yeah sure, we’ll talk when you get here. Door unlocked.”

“Thanks, I’ll be there shortly.”

“Love you girl.”

“Love you too.” I hung up, heading to the street to land a taxi.

----------


“He shoved you?” Ella asked shocked, refilling my wine glass. It was past four in the morning by now. I had been filling her in on what had happened all night. I told her everything from Kinley being a little bitch, to Niall kissing me, to the fight between Harry and me.

“Yeah, I mean I pushed him first but he did it back.” I wiped another tear from my face.

“He can’t touch you like that.”

“I shouldn’t have done it either.”

“This isn’t your fault Spencer.” Ella said wrapping me in a huge hug. “You were just trying to tell him what happened.”

“I’ve never seen him yell the way he did.” I shuttered at the thought of him in my face.

“What are you going to do?” she continued hugging me, rubbing circles on my back.

“I only have 2 days left here, I think I’m just going to go back to New York early.”

“Are you going to talk to him?”

“Probably not, he needs to cool down. His temper can be so scary.” I finished off another glass of wine.

“Trust me, I know.” She poured another glass for both of us. “When do you want to go back?”

“Tomorrow, I know he has something to do for the band from like 9 to noon. I can go get my stuff then and get a ride to the airport.”

“I’ll take you babe. Don’t worry. I know how he can be, I’m here with you until the end. Don’t think otherwise.”

“Thanks Ella. You know at first I was extremely skeptical of meeting you and hanging out with you.”

“I figured, most girlfriends don’t like ex’s hanging around.”

“Yeah, it’s weird but I love you now. I know you aren’t going to go after Harry anymore.”

“He’s all yours love.” She smiled. “Well that is if you still want him after this.”

“I do, I just need some space right now.”

“He’ll calm down, are you sure you should leave without saying anything?”

“I mean I’ll call Emily and Rachel, but he can wait. I don’t want to talk to him right now. Telling him I’m leaving will only just cause another fight and I don’t want to deal with that.”

“You know what you need?” Ella smiled, hopping up disappearing into another room.

“Ella?” I asked confused.

“Sorry, had to go get it.” She placed a pill in my hand. “You need one of these.”

“What is this?”

“It’s a Xanax. It will calm you down. I take them before I fly to calm my nerves.”

“Yeah, I definitely need that.” I popped the pill in my mouth, swallowing it with a sip of wine.

“I have a whole bunch. I can give you some more to take with you if you want.”

“Let’s see how this works first. Mine as well take two just to be sure right?”

“Exactly. Here.” She handed me a bag full of pills.

“Not prescribed by the doctor?” I laughed, taking another.

“Now does that sound like my style?” she joined in with my laughter.

“What should we do now?” I sighed.

“Want to go out?”

“Everything is closed at this hour.”

“So what? We can just go out and walk and get some fresh air. Diners will be opening soon. It’s almost morning.”

“Let’s do it.”

We changed into something comfortable and set out into the city. I loved having a friend like Ella. Sure she did drugs and was nuts 9 times out of 10, but she was real. She didn’t bullshit me and I didn’t need to bullshit her.

We had been walking for about an hour, just wandering aimlessly when we decided to stop into a little diner and grab something to eat. We were both high on drugs and still drunk from the night before. Everything and anything was funny to us. We were seated at a table, laughing about god knows what when our waiter came to take our order.

“Oh my god, are you Ella George?” the waitress asked.

“That’d be me love!” she laughed looking at me.

“And you!” the waitress pointed at me. “Aren’t you dating Harry Styles from One Direction?”

“Harry Styles? Hmm, that name does ring a bell.”

“I actually don’t know a Harry Styles.” Ella said. “Is he one of your flings?”

“Oh he might be, I don’t know really.” I shrugged.

“Uh, okay can I take your order then?”

“Coffee.” I smiled. “Black.”

“I’ll have a tea please.”

After the waitress walked away, Ella busted out in laughter.

“That probably wasn’t the best thing to do.” She said.

“Probably not, but I feel so good I don’t even care.”

“I knew those would do the trick.” She winked at me.


---------



“Well call me when you land safely.” Emily hugged me.

After breakfast I called Emily and Rachel to explain everything that had happened. They insisted on coming to the airport with me and Ella to say goodbye. It was a good thing everyone got along so well now.

“Yes, I’m going to miss you! We better have a girls day soon!” Rachel joined in on the hug. “That includes you Ella!”

I smiled as Ella added herself to the group hug. There were a few paparazzi in the airport capturing this moment. It was a sweet moment. I may even print out one of those stalkers pictures.

“Yes, we’ll set it up. I promise. Have fun on the rest of the tour Rachel. And Emily, don’t take too many racy pictures.” I laughed. “Thanks for everything last night Ella. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Don’t forget to call each one of us!” Rachel added.

“Yes, I’ll worry sick.” Ella smiled.

“And guys, if Harry calls any of you, let me know okay?” they all nodded. “Love you bitches.”

“Love you!” the collectively smiled.


---------------



Home sweet home. I snuggled into the couch and turned Netflix on. The possibilities were endless, what should I watch? Harry had called me a hundred times but I didn’t answer. He even had the guys calling me but I wasn’t about to give into them either. I doubt he even knew I left yet. After calling the girls and letting them know I was safe, I took another pill and poured a glass of wine.

My phone began to ring as I selected a movie to watch. I sighed when I saw who it was. The only person who hadn’t tried to call me yet.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Spencer, where are you?” I heard him through the phone.

“I’m fine Niall.”

“No, you aren’t. No one knows where you are, the girls won’t tell us anything. What’s going on?”

“Niall, don’t worry about it. I’m safe.”

“Please just call Harry and tell him that. He’s worried sick.”

“I don’t feel like talking to him.” I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me.

“I can’t tell him I talked to you. I know why this is happening. I’m not stupid. You fought about me, and don’t try and deny it.”

“Fine, we did.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“Not physically.” I felt tears ready to fall.

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I really am. I shouldn’t have done what I did or told you what I did.”

“You can’t help how you feel.”

“Just call him. It would look terrible if I’m the only one you answered.”

“Maybe later. I can’t right now Niall.”

“Be smart, please don’t do anything stupid.” He sighed.

“I promise.” I hung up without saying goodbye.

I wasn’t ready to deal with Harry yet, he needed to know I was okay, but that could wait until I had a good night’s sleep. Even if it was in the bed we shared in New York, even if it was in our apartment.


-----------------


(Harry POV)


“Pick up, pick up, pick up…” I sighed in frustration.

“Well fancy hearing from you.” she picked up.

“Ella, I don’t have time for this shit. Where’s Spencer?”

“And why do you care?” she spat.

“Look, I know Spencer probably told you everything and I know I was a complete twat.”

“That’s the understatement of the year.” She laughed.

“Come on El. Where is she?”

“Well I dropped her off at Heathrow about 10 or so hours ago…so really she could be anywhere in the world.”

“Ella that’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking Harry. I took her to the airport this morning.”

“Well where did she go? Home?”

“I know she was heading to something that starts with an L. It was either that or some president. Are they presidents in the US or do they have prime ministers too?”

“Ella focus!” I shouted, getting frustrated.

“I think they’re presidents. I could be wrong though. But I always fly into one that’s like three letters and I’m pretty sure he’s a president. Or prime minister. I don’t know. I know he’s not a king because we have the queen. Right?”

“Are you talking about JFK?” I mumbled. “She flew back to New York? Seriously?”

“Well yeah that’s the airport. But she didn’t go there, she went to the one that sounds like Eva Longorias name. I don’t know really. Laguard, no that’s not it. Longboard. No you ride that. The gord, no definitely not that. Lebron James, no that’s a person I think.”

“LaGuardia?” I questioned.

“Yes that’s it! Now is he a president? Or is it a she? Maybe you ride this thing. What is a LaGuardia? Is it alive still? Is it a thing?”

“Ella, thank you. I have to go.”

“But I don’t know what a LaGuardia is yet!”

“Google it, I don’t know.” I sighed. “Are you drunk?”

“No sir I am not! Now high might be a different story.”

“Bye Ella.”

“Always a pleasure!” she hung up.

She left. She went back to New York and didn’t even tell me. I know I was a complete jerk but we really should talk about this. She wasn’t supposed to leave for another day. I had to go there and talk this through.

I dialed Liam.

“Hey, you find her?” he instantly asked.

“Yeah, I have to go to New York. She went home.”

“Harry, I know you want to fix this but we leave for Australia in 2 days. It’s the final leg of the tour. You have to be there. We can’t push it back because you and Spencer are going through a rough patch.”

“Liam what if this was Rachel?”

“Dude, I would go to the end of the earth for her, but I also have to remember that this is our career. It’s just like someone who works fast food, or retail, or is a lawyer or engineer. We have to show up. We have to perform. If we don’t, we lose our jobs.”

“But if I don’t go now, I won’t see her until the tours over.” I sighed.

“Maybe that’s for the best. She’ll call when she’s ready. I heard it was a huge fight.”

“I was so stupid. Fucking Niall though, I just can’t deal with him loving my girlfriend.”
“You have to get over that, I know he will.” I heard Liam groan in frustration. “You guys are too close to let a bird tear your friendship apart.”

“I know, we’ll work it out eventually. I just need to talk to Spencer.”

“Give her some time mate.” He said. “I’ll keep you up to date with what’s going on. Rachel tells me everything usually. I’ll just ask about her when she talks to her.”

“Thanks man, I appreciate it.”

“Of course, now relax and get ready to leave in a couple days. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Yeah, I guess. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see ya. Don’t get into anything stupid tonight.”

“I won’t, later mate.”

I hung up and sighed loudly. “Fuck!” I shouted to nothing in particular. I was so frustrated and angry at not only myself but at Spencer. How could she just leave without telling me? I know we had some pretty bad fights before, but nothing like this. She’s never left and not come back. I was worried that this could be the end of us. I didn’t want it to be and hopefully neither did she. I needed to talk to Spencer and I needed to do it soon. I was going to go crazy not seeing my beautiful girlfriend for over a month. I was hoping to leave on a bright, happy note. Not this, nothing like this at all.

Notes

OH NO OH NO!