Fear

"Violet and Jeremy were one of the most kind and pure hearted persons i've ever known.I've never seen them do any wrong to anyone.they were my friends and i loved them with all my heart.Violet was always the one who cared for you no matter what,would never leave your side,would stick to your side till the end.Jeremy was the one that made you happy,one short amount of time spent with him and he would make your day.he also was one to care for others.surely their loss will have a huge effect on all of our lives.i'm going to ask you to stay in silence for a minute to pay our respects to them."
that was Mr's Cruise's speech.he was one of mom and dad's best friend's.i was sitting in front of everyone with granny next to me.today is their burial day.and is also the day i'm gonna move with granny to London.people have been coming to us paying their respects but i know it's all a bunch of bull.i can see right threw them.they don't care.their only here to save their name.only because mom and dad were one of the towns most fortune people.
or in other words,they were one of the richest and these people were here also for money.
when the Funeral wasn't even started,people came up to me asking me to go to their homes after the funeral to talk about business.and that means they want me to sell mom and dad's company to them.
well ,me being my wonderful self told them to shove it and have some respect.
we couldn't even leave the coffins open because their bodies were so damaged they weren't recognizable.my grand mother saw the bodies and wouldn't let me see them.she said it was for my own good.and i listened to her.i don't know if i could take it if i saw them like that.
Mr Cruise once again walked up to the microphone and said:
"I'm going to ask their daughter,Rose to come and say a few words."
my grand mother who was holding my hand the whole time squeezed my hand when he said my name.i stood up and walked up to where Mr Cruise was standing.he patted my back and smiled at me reassuringly.i cleared my throat and decided i should keep it short.so i said the only thing that came to my mind at that moment:
"I Want to thank every one who came here today.i means a hell of a lot to me and to my grand mother.and i'm sure it means a lot to my parent's.i don't have anything else to say so thank you"
i walked down from there and walked up to my grand mother.she smiled at me and rubbed my arm soothingly.i sat down and waited for the priest to say the prayers.after he was finished me and my grand mother were the first ones who walked up to the coffin's and laid the white roses on them.after that we stood at the door to farewell the people who came.
when we were done about 2 hours had passed.i hadn't cried more than a few tears all day and i was proud of myself.i decided to do what Dr.Sheeran told me to do.i decided to try to move on.i know it's going to be hard,and it may take a lot of time for me to heal completely or maybe i would never heal,but i will try.my parents always told me that they want me to have a good life,that this was their life time wish,to see their Rose happy,that way they're going to be happy too.
that's the main reason of it,to make them happy.
"Rose honey?"
i looked up to see my grand mother looking at me with worried eyes.worry wasn't the only thing evident in them.i could see a lot of emotion's in them,Pain,sadness,betrayal..... .but there was still hope in them.she still believed in life.
i'm planning to do the same thing.but it's hard.how can i believe in life when it took the only thing that i had,the only thing that i cared for,the only thing that mattered to me in this world.
it took my family away from me.
"Rose are you ok?"
i shook my head from the thought's and tried to smile to her while saying:
"yeah...yeah....just got lost in my own thought's.why?"
"i've been calling your name for at least five times until you answered"
"sorry"
"don't be.i'm gonna tip the waiters and say good be to the priest,i know your tired.why don't you go wait in the car for me until i come and i promise then we'll head right for London."
"actually i was hoping you would make a stop at my old home.i haven't been there since the day...it happened.i was hoping i could go there one more time."
"of course honey,but you know your room is empty right?their in your new room in London"
"yeah i know,i just want to see it a last time before you sell it"
she smiled at me nodded her head.i asked her myself to sell the house.it has nothing but memories in it.i refused to go back there from the hospital so we've been staying in a hotel with my grand mother.but i just want to see it one last time.
i took the car keys and made my way towards her car.
My grand mother is 58.but she looks like a woman in her 40's.i don't know how but she's pretty in shape.
she was 22 when she had my mother.
but my mother was even younger when she had me,she was 19.she was engaged to my father when she got pregnant and they got married when she was 6 months pregnant with me.my father was 22 at the time.
if they were alive My mother would be 36 and my father 39.
i reached the car and unlocked it.i got in the passenger car and decided i should play some music to fill the silence.i turned the car on and connected my phone and the cars speakers together by bluetooth.thank you technology,because then i had to listen to my grand mother's cd's the whole ride and i don't think i would've made it.
i looked through my songs and chose the one i had in my mind.it was kinda similar to my situation.
Avril lavigne's voice came through the speakers.

Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

i wanted to cry.i wanted to cry so bad but i held the tears.i was successful but when the song continued :

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside
She's lost inside

i couldn't hold them anymore.when the first tear slipped from my eyes other's came rushing following the first one.i don't want to leave here.but i don't have much of choice now do i?i don't have anything here.yeah my parent's did have a lot of fortune but apparently due to their will,none of them would be mine until i turned 21.
so i have no choice but to go to London with my grand mother.don't get me wrong i love my grand mother but it's not the same.
nothing's ever going to be the same.
the next song came up and it was Cry me a river.god i'm such a depressed person.
i turned the volume a little down and decided i should surf the web or something while i'm in here.i don't need Granny to see me like this.it'll only make her more worried than she already is even if it's possible.
i decided i should search about London and what's the latest news about it since i'm going to live there.
so me being me,i did the normal thing every person like me would do,i searched London in google:
i read what wikipedia summarized and learned....nothing.
population: 8.147 million. i couldn't help but whistle loudly at that.i haven't seen 100 people over all together in my whole life!how the hell am i supposed to live in a town with 8 million people!
i looked through interesting places to visit that i think i could go with granny to see,but something in particular caught my eye.it was in the news section:
"Multi Billionaire once again had all charges dropped against him"
i'm not one to be in to this stuff but can you blame me i have nothing else to do.
and who the hell am i talking to in my mind?
i shook my head at myself.i guess i'm loosing my mind too.
i clicked on the link and another page opened.i read the story and all i got was that this Multi billionaire named Harold Edward Styles,did some stuff against the law and was charged for 30 years in prison but the charges were dropped with the judge claiming 'after some research Styles was known to be innocent'.although the writer of this blog's opinion was that this is all a bunch of bullshit,styles clearly bribed the judge a big deal of money.he or she,who ever the writer is,also wrote the reasons of why he/she thinks that way,for example:

how in the hell are Styles's enemies mysteriously disappearing or are being found dead in the middle of no where?
his men were found with drugs 3 times!! and still they all claimed they had nothing to do with The styles company and they all happen to be doing this on work hours and with Styles's company truck's!!!oh and did i mention they all claimed to do this because Styles fired them and they want to do this for revenge.
well shit heads!!if you really want revenge why the bloody hell are you spilling the beans?!

this continued to 3 pages and i read all of it,it was pretty interesting.This styles guy seems to frighten most people in London because of the power he has.and also he's been charged before with murder,kidnapping,drugs...the list goes on and on.but the charges were dropped all times.and this writer seemed a pretty funny guy by the way.at the end of page 3 the last line said:
if you want to see the devil himself,click this link to take you to his photo's.but i have to warn you,your eyes might burn at the sight of him.

once again i smirked at what was written.i made sure to bookmark the page before i clicked the link.i tried imagining him before the images were loaded.
i imagined a 50 year old short bald guy in a cheap suit and a cigaret with a big stomach.the sight in my head wasn't a pretty one.
but when the images were loaded,i almost dropped the phone and choked on my own breath.
oh my god.
he was nothing like i imagined!he was handsome,!he had brown curly hair with green eyes if i'm not mistaken,in the picture he was posing for,which i could tell by the way was for a magazine,he wasn't looking at the camera.he was wearing a sharp grey suit with his hands in his pocket's.he was tall too.
i scrolled down to see other pictures,the next one was at him standing next to a blonde girl.she was beautiful.she reminded me of Victoria secret models.there was photographers everywhere.but he had this look,a cold look,a look with no emotion,with nothing.his eyebrows were knitted together and he was frowning.like he was angry.
i went to the other picture.this one was of him standing next to a black sports car which looked extremely expensive by the way.he was looking at the camera directly and his eyes were even more dull,there was nothing in them,no hope,no light,no love,nothing.i don't know why but i felt sorry for him.he must've been through a hell of a lot to become that cold.i never want to become that way.
maybe he lost his parent's too.
looking in those cold numb eyes,i made a promise to myself,i will not become like him,no matter what.

Notes

:D please comment!!!!please i beg you!!!i need to know what you think!!
:D thank you Nicolle1000 and Clozo for commenting!!!
and thank you AriannaKrystalSanchezStyles50 for telling me your opinion!!
oh and Rose's dress at the funeral: http://www.polyvore.com/roses_funeral_dress/set?id=112730120