Aimless
Chapter 11
Abby's P.O.V.
El met me at the bar. I had planned to take a deep calming breath after getting far enough from Harry to think this through. But instead I managed to smile at her like nothing was wrong.
“Can I ask what the handshake was about?” El said, sitting down on the stool beside me and ordering two lemon drop shots.
“We’re starting over. This time I know he’s engaged and we’re going to be friends.”
El nodded but I could see the uncertainity in her eyes.
“Really, we are. Nothing more,” I assured her.
The bartender slid both of the pale yellow drinks our way.
“I believe that you believe that. But Harry doesn’t want Amanda. So you see if I’m skeptical about him keeping it friendly between the two of you, I have reason.”
Even Eleanor knew he didn’t want to marry Anmanda. I didn’t understand this. Would it be so bad not to connect his name with hers?
“It just seems like he’s sacrificing his happiness for money and gain. I don’t think that will end well.”
El threw back her shot and then wiped a drop off her bottom lip with the pad of her thumb.
“It will be a disaster. He’ll be miserable. But he thinks this is what he wants out of life. No one can convince him otherwise. In their world of money and power this is what they do. It’s why Aiden took off running. He didn’t want to play that game.”
Aiden? He’d had that kind of ultimatum too? But he’d left. He’d run. He hadn’t sacrificed his happiness. He was living. There was no cage holding him in. Cages were suffocating. I hated the idea of Harry living in one.
“I’m just passing through. While I’m here I think we can be friends. I like him. I want to get to know him. When I have his memory to pull out one day and think about I don’t want it to be just the sex. I want to him. Is that wrong?”
El picked up my lemon drop and handed it to me.
“No. It’s not. Now, drink up. I need someone to get the karaoke going and- tag you’re it.”
I shook my head. “Oh, no. Not me.”
El nodded. “Yes, you. I’ve heard about your amazing vocal skills. It’s time I heard them. Come on, do it for me. Please.”
Harry's P.O.V.
Zayn took Abby’s seat when she walked away.
“I take it that means you two made amends,” Zayn said as he put his beer down on the table.
“We’re friends,” I replied. Not real sure how that was going to work but I was going to make sure it did.
“Friends,” Zayn replied and nodded his head as if he agreed. The look on his face though was amused though. “Good luck with that.”
His comment pissed me off, but he was right. I needed all the luck I could get. Keeping a straight head around her was going to be hard.
“Thanks.”
Zayn chuckled. “Looks like you think that’s as impossible as I do.”
I started to respond when El walked up on the stage.
“It’s time for some karaoke. Now that you’ve all had some free liquor you can sing for your drinks. Don’t worry I won’t make you come up here, yet. You have an entire song to drink enough until coming up here sounds like a good idea. Abby has agreed to sing first because she doesn’t have to be drunk to sound badass.”
I shifted my eyes to Abby who was looking up at El like she wanted to crawl under a table. I wanted to go save her from this but I sure as hell wasn’t about to go sing. I’d never live it down.
“I got this,” Zayn said and jumped up. I watched him saunter over to Abby and say something that made her beam up at him. Stupid fucker. What was he doing?
Abby slid her hand into his and they walked up to the stage together. He was gonna sing with her. He hadn’t sung in front of a crowd since high school.
Abby looked relieved not to be up there alone.
The lyrics to “Adore you" came up on the screen. He was going with a slow song. Not surprising; he always liked showing off his voice.
The familiar sound began pouring through the speakers. Zayn’s voice joined it and I let myself watch Abby. She was impressed with his singing. Most people were.
Zayn hadn’t minded using his vocal skills to attract the girls though.
Abby began her part of the song and the room went quiet. She was amazing. I’d been completely floored when she’d opened her mouth to sing at the Delamar Ball. This was one of the things I wanted to know more about. She had to have been singing for a long time.
“Just so you know I’m gonna making a move on her. Your ass is engaged. So, you can get all pissed and shit but I’m still making a move. She’s hot and completely worth the ass kicking.” Niall informed me. I glared at him as he sat down across from me and shrugged before looking back up at the stage.
She was too smart to get mixed up with Niall. He wasn’t her type.
“Only If she doesn’t end up in Zayn’s bed tonight. He’s looking like he’s ready to move in on her.” I watched Zayn as they finished the song and he pulled her into a hug. My hands clenched tightly into fists. What was he doing?
“Bud, you look like you need reminding you got your stupid ass engaged,” Niall said grinning and standing back up.
Abby’s hands were resting on Zayn’s arms just a little too comfortably and long. Her gaze left Zayn’s face and her eyes found me. Immediately her hands fell away and she stepped away from him after flashing him one more smile. Then she turned and left the stage.
I watched her as she made her way through the crowd. She was headed for the back hallway that led to the restrooms. I didn’t think about it too hard. I just went with it. Standing up, I followed her.
She had already disappeared into the restroom when I got back there so I waited. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. We’d just agreed to become friends so pushing her back into that small one stall bathroom and taking her up against the wall again wasn’t a good idea. I was positive she wouldn’t be so willing anymore. Which burned like acid down my throat. I’d had her. I could have had more.
Staring at the door, I decided this was a bad move. Another mistake. I shouldn’t be back here. I wanted to get to know Abby and this wasn’t the way to do it. She’d push me away if I even attempted anything.
I stalked back down the hallway away from the temptation.
“Harry?” Abby’s voice stopped me. I couldn’t go back there. I looked back at her over my shoulder.
“Hey. You did great up there. The song is hard to sing.” I said awkwardly scratching my neck.
She blushed. “Thank you. It was fun. I’d been nervous when El had asked me to but I’m glad I did.”
“I’m glad you did too.”
She walked toward me. “How about that dance now?”
I wanted to dance with her. I wanted that memory. That experience. I held out my hand to her and she placed hers in mine. I stared down at her small hand and my chest felt like it was stretching. The tightness that surrounded me only grew stronger as I closed my hand around hers and led her out to the dance floor.
I could feel eyes on me but right now I didn’t give a shit. They could look. They could judge me. This was what I wanted and until I said “I do” I was going to spend time getting to know Abby.
If I didn’t, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
Danny had taken the mic and had just started singing “Wanted” by Hunter Hayes. I was thankful for a slower song. That meant I’d get to pull her closer.
Abby slid her hands up my arms and rested them there. She didn’t slip them behind my neck and press close to me.
“You smell good,” she said softly. I almost missed it she’d spoke so quietly.
“Not as good as you smell, trust me,” I replied and she tensed as my hands tightened their grip on her waist.
“It’s the truth, Abby. I’ve told you before that you smell incredible. Don’t get all uptight because I’m being honest.”
She relaxed a little. “Okay, you’re right. No harm in thinking your friends smell good.” The teasing tone in her voice was cute.
“Is there a rule that says since we’re friends you can’t wrap your hands around my neck?" I smirked.
Abby paused a moment then her hands slid up and over my shoulders. They rested on my shoulders.
“I’m not tall enough for them to go any further. Even in these boots.”
“This is good,” I assured her and pulled her closer.
“Where are you from Abbey Mitchell?”
She laughed. “You could easily look on the application that you had me fill out to find that information.”
She was right. I could.
“But I want to hear it from you. I don’t want to read it off your file.”
Abby tilted her head to the side and studied me a moment. "Bradford”
I could have guessed it. Her accent was thick.
“Really? Zayn does too. Do you have brothers or sisters?”
A melancholy look came over her face and she shook her head no.
“No.” That simple ‘no’ sounded like so much more. She wasn’t telling me something.
“You don’t seem like an only child. The carefree, travel the world choice of yours is more like something the baby of a family would do.”
Abby smiled but it was one that held secrets. I wondered if I’d ever know those secrets.
“I’m not carefree. Not even close. But I want to be. I’m hoping one day I’ll know what that feels like. Right now I’m trying to find me. You know what you want out of life, I don’t. I have no idea.”
What I wanted out of life? Did I know? Was it even the same anymore?
“I know a lot less than you think I do.”
She smirked. “Is that so?”
Kissing those sexy little lips was tempting. Oh so tempting.
“When’s your birthday?” I asked instead of responding to her remark.
Abby sighed and she looked away from me. “May first. When is yours?”
“February first. What’s your favorite color?”
She giggled. “Blue. Pale blue. What’s yours?”
“A month ago I would have said red but I’ve changed my mind. I like maroon now. A beautiful honey-maroon colour.”
“Why?” she cocked an eyebrow and gazed up at me.
I wasn’t about to tell her it was because her eyes were that colour. She’d get all tense on me again.
“A guy can change his mind. I’m allowed to like anything now.” I didn’t give her time to think about that.
“Who was your first grade teacher?” I asked quickly to distract her. Abby stopped dancing and she backed away from me. Her eyes appeared almost glassy. Had I said something wrong? Had she figured out why I had said maroon was my favorite color?
“I need a drink,” she said with a wobbly nervous smile then darted off away from me.
Abby Mitchell you're fucking confusing.
Abby's P.O.V.
It was a simple question. Sweet, really, that he’d even care. Had anyone ever cared about such trivial things concerning me before? I had never been asked such personal innocent questions.
But he’d asked about my teacher and all I could see was my mother.
"Sit here Abby. Don’t look out the window. You have to do this work. To be smart you need to read Shakespeare. He will remind you how dangerous the world can be."
I shook my head to clear the memories. I couldn’t do this here. Not now.
"It’s dark out there Abby. Bad things are in the dark. Lock your windows and doors and stay tucked in tight. The monster under your bed will hear you if you get up."
No momma. Go away.
“Abby, don’t go outside again tonight. The bad is out there waiting on you. Stay with me. Your brother worries about you. He doesn’t want you hurt. Be safe in your bed.”
“Abby, are you okay?” Strong arms were pulling me close.
I went willingly. I needed away from her. I didn’t want to remember that night. I knew I would if she stayed in my head too long.
“I’ve got her. Move.” Harry’s voice sent warmth through me. I was breaking free from the memories. They weren’t taking me this time.
Cool night airbrushed my face and I realized I was being carried. I took a deep calming breath and the tightness in my chest was gone. Harry had brought me out of it. I hadn’t been left to remember alone.
I blinked several times and my eyes came back into focus. The darkness was gone.
Harry sat down on a bench along the beach boardwalk and kept me firmly in his lap.
“You’re back,” he sighed running his hands through his already messy hair.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to tell him what had just happened.
“You've got me worried there, Abby,” he said simply and brushed my hair out of my face with his free hand. He still held me cradled against his chest with his other.
“Sorry.. and thank you.”
Harry's mouth was in a tight line. He was concerned. I’d scared him. I started to sit up and he held me tighter.
“You’re not getting up until you tell me something.”
My stomach knotted up. I’d never told anyone other than Lana and she knew why. I couldn’t tell Harry. I didn’t talk about it.
“You don’t have to tell me why that just happened. But does it happen often?”
This wasn’t a fair question. Telling him the truth without telling him about my past would only make him think I was crazy. Maybe I was.
No one was sure yet. I could be… she was crazy. I could be too. It was my greatest fear, that I’d snap one day too. Just like she had. I wanted to live life because if that day came I wanted to have lived once.
“They’re triggered by certain things,” I told him and moved to get out of his arms again.
He let me go this time. I was grateful and yet wished he had fought to hold me longer. Because I needed affection from someone after I had these episodes. It helped me recover quicker.
His eyes widened and guilt flashed all over his feature.
“I triggered it?” he whispered barely audiable.
Notes
Awww my baby is worried!!
How do you think Harry will react to her panic-attacks?
Will Abby be able to tell him? To trust him?
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8/4/14