Isabelle's P.O.V

I sat at the table with Lou Teasdale.

After Louis had heard the news, he’d been so ecstatic, I couldn’t put in into words. His smile could not be wiped off of his face. Eleanor had been so relieved, and we’d all quickly gotten into a discussion about how to do this: avoiding the paparazzi, not letting people know for a while, just letting Louis and El have their own happy little secret, something to smile about when they were having a rough day.

Harry hadn’t participated in the conversation much. I still think that he was a bit angry at himself, remembering what he’d said to me, how he had caused me to be tired, unhappy and finished.

I’d never really thought about that, but I know that it wasn’t true.

He was just being hard on himself, as usual.

El and Louis had eventually left for El’s house, and we let them, deciding they needed time alone to be happy about this. Harry and I had continued to not speak, but that was until the doorbell had rung after about an hour. I’d gone to answer it, only to find Lou and Lux standing behind it. I welcomed them in.

So now here we were. Harry and Lux were playing in the living room, while I sat with Lou, talking about anything really.

Right now, I think she was telling me about a woman she’d seen on the street that had looked like a clown, what with all of the horrendously done makeup she’d been sporting. I’d just smiled and nodded, my attention focussed on the living room, trying to catch a glimpse of Harry.

Lou must’ve noticed, because she snapped her fingers in front of my face, just as El had.

Once I blinked and turned to her, she shot me a small smile, “Having problems?”

“Huh?” I said blankly, and then realised how stupid I sounded, and tried to cover it up, “I mean—what?”

She simply leaned forward, shooting me a slightly pitiful look, “It’s alright dear. Harry’s a handful, I can tell you that. But he loves you so much, I see it. What’s going on?”

I sighed, knowing that she wanted me to spill, but I really didn’t feel like talking about it.

“It’s complicated,” I simply mumbled, suddenly finding the floor of the kitchen very interesting.

Lou clucked her tongue, but thankfully, she didn’t press for any more details.

Just then, Harry himself walked into the kitchen, bouncing Lux in his arms. Her wispy blond hair stuck up in many directions. She sucked on her thumb lightly; a small Barbie doll clamped tightly in her other hand. Harry’s eyes landed on mine, and I looked away, swallowing heavily.

He cleared his throat, “Lux wanted you, Lou.”

Lou obviously seemed to notice our uncomfortable exchange. She stood and held out her arms for Lux, snorting as she did so, “You can totally feel the awkward.”

I blushed and Harry clenched his jaw. Lou cradled Lux on her hip, “Well, I’m going to go put Lux down for a nap. She’s pretty tired. I’ll leave you two alone.”

With that, she turned on her heel, Lux already laying her head down on her shoulder.

I silently cursed her as her footsteps mounted the stairs and grew faint. Subconsciously, I stood, making my way over to the cupboards, doing anything that could possible avoid a confrontation.

“Are you hungry?” I asked Harry, over my shoulder, “I’ll make something to eat.”

He clasped his hands behind his back, shuffling his feet, “No, I’m good.”

“Okay then,” I turned back to rummaging through the cupboard.

He sighed lightly, taking a step closer, and I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself to keep moving and not to freeze. He came closer, and I retreated to the sink, trying to put as much distance between us as possible.

He noticed and his eyes narrowed in aggravation. “For fuck’s sake, Belle,” he muttered, stepping closer to me in one long stride, so that I couldn’t escape.

I whipped around to face him, my eyes wide as he towered over me, the edge of the sink pressing into my lower back. My breathing sped up slightly as I forced myself to stare at his chest and not meet his eyes.

He growled lightly and without warning, his fingers came up to swiftly cup my chin and tilt my head to meet his face.

“Stop,” I squeaked out, pushing his hand away.

He stepped back, glaring at me, “Why won’t you even talk to me?” he spat out.

“Harry,” I warned, my eyes closing briefly before flashing open again, “Not now, please.”

“No!” he said loudly, and I winced, afraid that Lou would get mad. Harry was being completely childish right now; there was no point of me trying to knock sense into him. He continued, “Talk to me Isabelle! What the hell is your problem?”

“My problem?” I defended, “You’re the one that came up with this, Harry! This—this bet! And you have the nerve to ask what my problem is? Are you serious—?” I cut myself off before I could go any further, holding up my hands, “You know what?” I said quietly, “I’m not doing this.”

I pushed past him and walked away, down the hall, skipping the stairs two at a time.

“Isabelle!” he bellowed, but I just gritted my teeth and shook my head, willing myself not to cry. This was unhealthy. We couldn’t keep on going back and forth, back and forth; a deadly game of ping pong.

“Just stop,” I hissed over my shoulder, knowing that he couldn’t hear me. He needed time to calm down and collect his thoughts, and he’d never be able to do that if we were constantly fighting and getting one another worked up over things.

I walked into his room and shut the door quietly, falling onto his bed for what seemed like the millionth time in the past few days. But this time, I didn’t cry. I simply rolled over onto my back, staring up at the white ceiling while scattered, random thoughts flew around in my head, like dry, cracked leaves on a windy autumn day; each thought leading to a completely new scenario.

I sighed, scratching my temple, wondering what the fuck I could do now. I resorted to the one thing that I knew I would always have.

“Hi mom. I need to talk to you.”

***

The next day, I awoke still in the clothes that I’d been wearing last night. I must have fallen asleep while spilling my guts and all of my pathetic problems of my pathetic life to my deceased mother. For a moment, I contemplated whether Lou and Lux had gone home and then rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. Of course they’d gone home.

Which meant that it was only Harry and I.

Again.

Fuck.

I quickly raked my fingers through my hair and stood up, tugging off my top and replacing it with a baggy Ramones t-shirt, leaving my leggings on. There was no point of dressing up; Harry had seen me naked. I cringed, not wanting to think of that while we were currently in a fight.

Just then, there was a knock.

“Come in,” I said quietly, and it opened to reveal Harry. He wore a t-shirt, black boxers, and a black bandanna adorned his forehead. He was carrying a tray, and I stood on tiptoe, only to find it was stacked with pancakes, slathered in syrup and blueberries. To the side, there was a glass filled to the rim with orange juice. My hand immediately flew to my bracelet, looking for something to do in this awkward situation.

“I made you breakfast,” he said, staring right at me, making me shift uncomfortably, “No pulp in your juice, just how you like it.”

“Um,” I said, caught off guard. Even though I was mad at him, I found the fact that he remembered to be extremely sweet, “T-Thanks,” I stammered lightly, and he cracked a small smile.

“Here,” he said, and I expected him to dump the tray into my arms, but he simply padded over to the bed where he sat down.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow, “Are you just going to stand there?”

I cleared my throat, playing with the rim of the Ramones shirt, and cautiously followed the path to my bed, sitting down at the very edge. He sighed, “Come here.”

I hesitated, but eventually moved a bit closer, and he pulled a fork and a knife from on top of the tray, handing it to me, “You look hungry.”

“I am,” I mumbled, and he looked down, smiling cutely. I wanted to sob and just jump into his arms, kiss him, tell him how much I’ve missed him, even though he’d always been here with me. It was as though I was missing a piece of my heart, and every time I got close enough to retrieve it, I would be yanked backwards by some unknown force, trying to keep us apart.

I cut the pancakes slowly and bit into them, humming at the taste. I closed my eyes lightly. He made a strangled sound, and they immediately snapped back open, gazing at him intently, “What?” I asked worriedly.

“Nothing,” he shook his head, staring down at the bed, before looking up straight into my gaze, “It’s just…you do that when we…when we—”

I held up a hand to cut him off, “Okay, okay,” I said hurriedly, feeling crimson appear on my cheeks. I didn’t really do that when we were having sex, did I?

He chuckled weakly, suddenly intrigued by a stray piece of string unravelling from the blankets on his bed.

I hesitated before asking, “Do you—erm—want a bite?”

He looked up at me again, smirking lightly, “Sure.”

He leaned forward and I held my fork out, letting his mouth wrap around the small piece of pancake trapped on the tongs of the utensil. When we pulled back, I restrained myself from lurching forward and kissing him, replacing the fork with my lips. Instead, I pressed my mouth into a line, trying for a smile. You could smell the awkward.

A few long beats of silence passed, and eventually, I sighed, knowing that we couldn’t delay this talk any longer. It was one week until his twentieth birthday, and I didn’t want to be stuck in this awkward phase for the special day.

I sighed again, “Look, Harry—,” I tried to say, but he cut me off, holding up his hand. I immediately closed my mouth, just wanted to hear his voice.

“I know what you’re going to say,” he began quietly, his beautiful accented voice making my insides melt, “We need to talk, I know. But whenever we try, we end up fighting. So, let’s just…let’s not talk okay?”

My shoulders slumped, “What do you want to do then?”

The moment the words left my lips, I knew that I’d set myself up. As confirmation, he smirked at me, “Well, I could think of a few things, but that would result in the violation of—whatever this is. So that’s crossed off.”

I looked down at blushed, pretending to be annoyed, when really, I was quite happy. This was the longest conversation we’d had in the past few days, actually including playfulness and smiles, so of course I’d be welcoming towards anything remotely similar to how we were before. I just wanted one of us to hurry up and give into the temptation of the other, so that we finished this. But I didn’t want to be the one to do so. This was more than just a bet now.

This was showing Harry that I wasn’t some fragile doll that needed him. I could be independent, and right now, I loved it.

Lies, a voice in my head whispered, but I just mentally rolled my eyes. I could be independent, but I sure as hell didn’t love it. In truth, I missed Harry; I missed him like crazy, but I wasn’t going to let my exterior crack just yet.

“Okay then,” I mumbled, picking at the bed of my nails, “What else do you want to do?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Um,” he bit his bottom lip, fiddling with his hands, which I found to be extremely cute. A few moments of silence passed between us before he finally sighed, “How about we watch a movie?”

I shrugged, “Sure.”

He nodded curtly; as I finished up the wonderful breakfast he’d made me. I gulped down my orange juice and together we stood, nervously making our way downstairs, never letting our shoulders brush. I had a feeling that the awkward would amount to whole new heights if we did.

We eventually made our way into the living room. I collapsed on the couch while Harry leaned down in front of the television, fumbling for DVDs. I watched the muscles in his back expand and contract through the material of his t-shirt and couldn’t help but to bite my lip. He was just so sexy without trying.

Finally, he slid a DVD in, not telling me what it was.

He stood, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up, and came to sit down beside me. I surprised both him and myself when I scooted closer to him, wrapping my arms around his torso and nuzzling my face into his chest lightly, sighing. He stiffened at first, not used to it, but then I felt his body relax as he cautiously put one hand on my hip, finding the small strip of skin exposed between the ridden up t-shirt and my leggings and stroking it lightly, making me shudder.

I decided to not ruin the moment by asking what movie we were watching, so I just remained silent and stared at the pixelated screen of the television. Slowly, the movie began to play, and I recognized a photo of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams kissing on the root menu’s screen.

I almost sobbed; he remembered.

Harry reached for the remote and pressed a button, and a moment later, the screen went dark, indicating the beginning of the movie. I played with the hem of his shirt, relishing the feel of my head moving up and down on his chest with every deep breath he took.

We were quiet throughout the whole movie, neither of us saying a word and wanting the mood to be disrupted. I loved the way things were right now, us being together, cuddled so close for what was the first time in days, not fighting or getting one another worked up over the smallest and most stupid things.

I couldn’t help but to feel awkward once the more…heated scenes of the movie rolled around. I think Harry felt the same way, as he was shifting nervously under me, and I was starting to regret him picking this movie. With us agreeing on no sex, it probably wasn’t the best decision to pick a movie full of it. Dammit.

Finally, the credits were rolling, a little sooner than I would have liked. I couldn’t help but to fear that these few hours of silence and of peace were over, and we’d be back to fighting about everything again. I cleared my throat and moved away from him, standing up and brushing myself off, even though I knew that there was nothing on me.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked from behind me, and I turned to look at him.

When I did, I restrained myself from letting out a strangled sound. There was a small yet confused crease in between his eyebrows. I wanted to do nothing but lean forward and kiss him to smooth it out. His eyes were soft, pleading, his mouth puckered in a teeny tiny pout. I swallowed the sudden lump that had formed in my throat and looked away.

“Um,” I said, looking for a quick excuse, “I’m tired. That’s all.”

He opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to say more, but then closed it again, evidently realising that if he pressed, we’d just end up fighting again, like we were constantly doing these past few days.

Instead, he just nodded his head curtly, “Okay. Maybe you should lie down.”

“Yeah,” I said, trying not to let my voice quiver, “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

Without another word, I turned away and walked out of the room as quickly as I could, knowing that if I didn’t get out of there, I’d drop to my knees and beg him to kiss me, make love to me, even to just touch me, and make me feel safe. This bet wasn’t going to end well. I could already tell.

I walked down the hall and disappeared into his room, closing the door softly. I sat at the edge of his bed, tucking my knees up into my chest and hugging them, wrapping my arms around my shins, just thinking about anything and everything. El, Harry, Kate, and even my father, all the way on the other side of the world.

And sitting there, with no distractions, I finally allowed myself to ask the question that had been nipping at me for quite some time. I just hadn’t realised it until now.

What in the world am I doing?

Notes

Sorry for not updating yesterday guys, my day had been really hectic :(

And I know you guys are probably sick of the sad chapters, because believe me, I am too. Don't worry, things will get better..at least to a certain extent. By the end of the story you'll understand what I mean.

Speaking of the end: FOUR MORE CHAPTERS LEFT! I'm so sad that we're so close to the end, but I love each and every one of you! The comments you left after the last chapter really touched me, so keep that up! 240 votes for the next chappy, we can do it! VOTE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE!

That awkward moment when you're forced to make conversation with your friend's parent(s)...

~You guys are the best readers ever~