Isabelle's P.O.V

January 15th

I awoke the next morning, feeling oddly content for some reason. My heart was fluttering and I had a massively happy feeling in my stomach. Huh. I wondered why.

Those questions were immediately answered when I turned to the side and found my boyfriend lying on the bed, the covers pulled up just past his bare hips, and then everything came rushing back to me.

We were on a yacht. The amazing date we’d had yesterday. Watching the fireworks after dinner. Making love. All these recent memories came back and hit me like a ton of bricks, and I smiled widely. Yesterday had been the most ideal day imaginable. I still couldn’t believe that Harry had gone to such lengths for me.

And that night…it had been everything I’d ever dreamt of. Slow, sweet, passionate, absolutely amazing. I tried to fight an even wider smile off of my face, but I couldn’t, and I sat up, clutching the covers to my naked chest, and grinning a huge grin. He had been so sweet. He was always making sure I was okay, until the point where I just laughed and told him to shut up. The way he looked at me made me want to stay like that forever. It was absolutely and irrevocably the most memorable night of my life.

I felt refreshed, cleansed, and pure. Gone were the memories of the horrendous night with Cameron, replaced by the most sensual night with Harry. He would now and forever be there to block out the memories of my ex-boyfriend, as if fighting off a bad dream with his bare hands. I loved him so much.

I turned to look at him and smiled tenderly. He was lying on his stomach, the right side of his faced pressed against the fluffy pillow. His mouth was propped open cutely and every so often I would hear him snoring lightly. I suppressed a giggle.

His eyes were fluttered closed and his messy after-sex hair was honestly the hottest thing I’d ever seen. It stuck up in the sexiest way possible, making me fall in love with him all over again. He made me fall in love with him all over again, period.

As if sensing my gaze, his eyes slowly fluttered open. Gray morning light cascaded through the windows in our room, even though the blinds were drawn. He slowly shifted around, his eyes opening, groggy with sleep, and his hand came up to rub them carelessly, while I swooned. Finally, when it seemed like he’d gotten a bearing of his surroundings, I saw his eyes widen when they perceived me. He then smiled lovingly, the smile tainted with a hint of sleepiness.

“C’mere,” he breathed, and I lay back down again, snuggling my bare body closer to his. His arms wrapped around me protectively and I smiled to myself, wishing that I could stay like this forever. This was my happiness, my joy—my life.

“I love you so much, you know that?” Harry leaned down and murmured in my ear, kissing the spot right under my earlobe. My smiled grew wider.

“I love you too,” I whispered to him, burying my face in his shoulder. I peeked to the side and found myself gazing and the tiny red scratch marks I’d left on his biceps. The sight made me giddy, and I pulled back, pressing my mouth to his tenderly, no tongue, just a sweet, slow kiss with our lips.

Suddenly I pulled back, my eyes widening in horror. Without realising it, tears began to pool and spill over my waterline. I suddenly couldn’t breathe, and I swallowed harshly, trying to get rid of the large, sticky lump that had appeared from nowhere in my throat.

Harry looked panicked, and he grasped my face in his hand, pulling my eyes up to meet his worried ones, “What is it, love? Was it not good? Do you regret it?”

“No, I—,” I tried saying, realising that he probably thought I was crying because of the sex. But in fact, that wasn’t the case at all.

I wiped my eyes, “Harry,” I whispered, hoping that it wasn’t what I was thinking, “What day is it today?”

He looked confused for a moment, his brow creasing, and then said softly, “January fifteenth. Why?”

I closed my eyes, more tears spilling down my face, and pursed my lips. That was the answer that I hadn’t wanted to hear. “It’s—,” I sobbed, “Today. She passed.”

He looked confused for a moment before realisation dawned on him, and he quickly pulled me to him, crushing me in a hug, “Oh, love,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

I cried into his chest, my happiness and giddiness suddenly replaced with a sense of dread. Today was the day that my mother had passed away. Today marked two years since she’d left me.

We just stayed there for God knows how long, Harry whispering comforting things in my ear while I cried into his chest. Although this time felt different. On this day, in the past, I was filled with sadness for weeks afterwards, wishing that I could just disappear and be with her.

But now…something was off. Sure, I was crying, but there was a small part of me—an exceptionally small part—that whispered to the rest of my brain that I was going to be okay.

Things weren’t like there were in the past. Today was a day to mourn, but tomorrow would be a new day, a fresh start, and I wouldn’t be left dwelling over the negativity, but rather the fact that I was alive, and…I was happy. Because I was; I was happy.

Eventually, my tears stopped, and my eyes dried out, and I was left with puffy cheeks and a sense of dehydration.

“Can you get me some water?” I croaked out to Harry. He nodded firmly, grabbed his boxers, and slipped them on, then proceeding to the bathroom. A moment later, I heard the faucet turn on, and then he walked out with a glass cup, filled with clear, cold liquid.

“Thank you,” I rasped, my bottom lip quivering. I took a shaky sip of water and then set it on the bedside table. Harry reached for me again, and I melted into his arms, and we just stayed there. I don’t know how long we were wrapped up in that position, but it must’ve been for a good half hour. My body was exhausted, partially from last night, but also from the toll of my tears.

“I love you,” I eventually pulled away from my little burrow in Harry’s chest and whispered the words in his ear, kissing his shoulder. He pulled me—which I’d thought was impossible—even closer and sighed into my skin, his hand coming up to push my hair behind my ear.

“I love you too Isabelle. So, so much.”

***

“So,” Louis enquired, narrowing his eyes playfully. We were at mine and Kate’s place, and Kate, Harry, Louis, El and I were all crowded in the living room, talking about whatever.

When Harry and I had arrived back to Kate’s house, Kate had immediately rushed forth to grapple me in a hug. Louis and El were already there, and they’d been confused as to why Kate, Harry and I were so somber today, but I didn’t really want to explain anything to them at the moment.

I’ll tell you later, I’d seen Harry mouth to Louis, and in response, he’d just shrugged.

So here we were now. Conversation had only appeared as a mere trickle in the group, for which I was grateful. “So,” I echoed quietly. I was taking today to be my miserable day, which I totally deserved, and tomorrow would be as it had always been. I just needed to be alone right now.

I shifted away from Harry and stood, feeling bad, but I needed time to myself, “Excuse me,” I mumbled, and I then quickly walked out of the living room, climbing the stairs two at a time and making my way into my room. I was done crying. I was just quiet, mourning, waiting for the realisation to sink in, even though it had been two years.

I closed the door softly and padded over to my bed, lying down on my back and looking up at the night-sky ceiling. I imagined that I was talking to the real sky, imagining that my mom was up there somewhere, because she deserved to be.

“Hey mom,” I said shakily, taking a deep breath and fiddling with my silver bracelet. I had done this only once before, speaking to her on the anniversary of her passing, but it had been in hysterical sobs and tears, barely able to get anything out. Now, I was calm and collected, still breaking inside, but I was able to keep a tab on my emotions.

“So,” I began, “Two years, huh?” I chuckled at my own lame joke, “Seems like just yesterday you were teaching me how to handle my menstrual cycle.” I smiled at the memory.

“I’m happy,” I said suddenly, staring up at my ceiling, fiddling with my fingers, “And I know that sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, and I’m sorry if that pains you. But I want you to know that I am happy. Really,” I added, just in case I hadn’t been clear enough.

“I mean,” I continued, “I’ve made many new friends. Like the rest of the boys, and Eleanor and Perrie. I’m even beginning to warm up to Lou. I feel as though I can talk to them about anything, you know?” I lowered my voice, “And did you know that Eleanor’s pregnant? It’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone. I’m the only person who knows,” I smiled lightly, “I’m sure she’ll be just as good a mom as you are. If not, even better.”

I paused before going on, “Kate and I are much closer now too. We’ve gone shopping, like, a bazillion times,” I laughed softly, “You really went all out with her, didn’t you? Well, she’s like my best friend. I can talk to her about anything, so I’d say you did an amazing job with her. I know she misses you too, and I’m pretty sure she’ll be doing exactly what I’m doing tonight in her bed. You know, talking to you? Well—yeah.”

I swallowed, finally feeling the tears prick at the back of my eyes, “Dance is going really well too,” I added, “It’s my passion, as you know. I’m just glad that you were able to see me win Miss National Soloist. That meant a lot to me, that you held on until then. So thank you for that. As you know, I’ve taken a break, just for the year while I’m here, but I’ll be back to it in no time, don’t worry.”

And then my thoughts wandered to what I’d most wanted to talk to her about.

“And I’ve got a boyfriend,” I whispered, giggling slightly, “His name’s Harry. You probably know who he is, though, don’t you?” I teased before continuing, “He’s absolutely amazing mom. I can’t even begin to describe it, or how I feel about him. I love him so much, it’s insane. I mean—sure, we’ve had our share of ups and downs, but I know that everything is always okay between us. Did you feel that way with dad?”

I rolled my eyes, “Of course you did, never mind. I’m just rambling. But anyways, back to Harry. I just love him so much, and I know that he feels the exact same way, if not, more.”

I pursed my lips, “In fact,” I whispered, like it was some sort of big secret, “We—um, made love last night. I know that it’s a bit soon, but hey, you had Kate when you were twenty and me at twenty-five. So I’m allowed,” I smiled, “We used protection though, don’t worry.” I giggled lightly, just remembering the beautiful events that had taken place last night.

“Those are the things that make me happy, mom,” I breathed, blinking rapidly, gazing at the painted stars on the ceiling, “I know that it’s not much, really, but it’s enough for me. I’m really happy right now, and if you hadn’t noticed, I’m not crying like I was the last time,” I chuckled weakly, looking away from the ceiling, before concentrating my gaze back on it, “And that’s it for now. I’ll give you another update next year, or who knows, maybe even sooner.”

A traitorous tear slipped down my cheek, but I wiped it away hurriedly. I blinked again, and then slowly smiled, feeling the tears subside, and swallowing the lump in my throat, “I miss you mom. A lot. But I’m okay,” I licked my lips, smiling sweetly at the ceiling, “And I love you.”

With that, I took a deep breath, trying to collect my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again, deciding I’d been gone long enough. I quickly went into the washroom, just to clean up, dabbing a bit of mascara on my eyes to cover up the fact that I’d been crying a bit. I didn’t want anyone to start asking questions right now.

“You’re okay Isabelle,” I whispered to my reflection, staring at the mirror determinedly. It was true. Last year, when I’d spoken to my mom like this, I felt nothing but emptiness, and I’d cut, and cut, and cut. It made me sadder than ever.

I smiled at myself now. I wasn’t sad. In fact, I felt whole. I knew that I had a team of people behind me that would help me to get through this, and I was extremely grateful for that. I knew that I had Harry, I had Kate, hell, and I even had Eleanor.

I walked back down the hall, the steps, and back into the living room. Louis and El stared at me somberly, and I guess that Harry had finally told them what was going on. Their eyes were slightly wide, but I smiled at everyone in the room, meaning it.

You’re okay, I thought to myself. And you know what?

I was.

Notes

I'm sad now for some reason :(

So I don't know when I will be updating next, but probably less than a week. Sorry for not updating yesterday, I'm volunteering at a camp, so I'm actually pretty busy. But yeah, another chapter should be coming soon.

That awkward moment when you're at a friend's house and then their parents just start yelling at them...

Please continue to VOTE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE. I'm so grateful for everything so far, and I want to make it to 200 votes before the story ends.

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