Behind Her Smile [Louis]

“Are you scared?” the voice of my little sister trembled, if I wasn’t looking at her right now I would swear she was crying. Her eyes were filled with hate and worry instead.
“No, Laura. Everything will be okay. Just… Just make sure you have everything you need.” I whispered from underneath my breath. If I was scared, Laura wouldn’t feel safe. I wouldn’t show my weakness anyway. Everyone will get hurt, be strong or don’t be anything at all was my motto since mom died.
“Can you whores hurry the fuck up! Or do I have to come and make you come here?” Our ‘dad’ yelled from the “hallway” and after that there was a laughter. Not one that made you smile along. One that made you want to kill yourself rather than wanting to listen to it.
“No, we’re ready.” Only he didn’t realize what exactly I meant with the word ‘ready’.
“Finally” He sighed out. “You’ve got everything?” Sometimes he reminded me of my old dad, and it breaks my heart to leave him here alone, all by himself. He lost already so many people.
“What are you staring at?” he hissed what made spittle land on my face. I didn’t dare to wipe it away, so instead I gagged and shook most innocently my head.
“Nothing” the confidence I tried to reach wasn’t a success, though.
“Well, I see you later. And…” he turned to me and looked at me with those big eyes, I almost thought he would apologize. “You bring me more money than yesterday, maybe you can try to sell yourself” he laughed again, a deeply and raspy voice if you didn’t know him you’d think he accidently inhaled a cigarette too deeply, but no he was just laughing .
“Come, otherwise we’ll be late for school” I took Laura’s hand and tried not to burst into tears.
“Are you okay?” Laura asked worried. She was so mature for her age, I was amazed every time she opened her mouth.
“I’m fine. Listen carefully, Laura. When we’re around the corner, you run as fast as you can. Dad will come after us, if he finds out our stuff are gone. So you run you don’t look behind. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright. You run to the station and you take the first train, wherever it goes. It doesn’t matter. Here’s £20.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere without you.” Her eyes filled with tears, it broke my heart to see her like this.
“I will be on the same train as you are. I promise.” I kissed her cheek and handed her the money.
“Run” I whispered and she started running, not looking behind. I ran as fast as I could but I think dad broke something and it hurt so much, I just didn’t want Laura to know about this.
Around an half hour later, what seemed like ages, I entered the train station. I didn’t see Laura anywhere I lost her minutes ago.
I was exhausted, not only mentally because I haven’t been able to sleep very well the last year, but also physically every bone in my body was about to give up. Everything just hurts so much.
“Are you okay?” a woman around her fifties asked me worriedly.
“I’m fine” a crooked smile appeared.
“Can I help?” She looked at my arm and I didn’t even notice but my arm was bleeding again.
“No, it’s okay” I quickly covered the bruises and all the blood with my scarf.
“Are you su-“ I heard yet before I ran towards the huge board with information on.
“A ticket to London please?”
-
I was too late. I missed the fucking train, and there wasn’t one until 10 AM. It was now precisely 09:03 AM. I waited and waited with the constant fear of dad coming here and finding me.
But after all the waiting it was there, finally.
I sat down as far from everyone as I could, they would judge anyway. They would ask me from where I have those scars, why there’s blood all over my skin and why I looks so exhausted.
The worst part of all this was I had to lie to my sister, but I couldn’t take the risk. If dad would have followed us I would of wanted him to ‘catch’ me instead of my sister.
The train journey wasn’t so long. In fact it was too short to recover, I was still exhausted and when I wanted to get up I literally fell apart.
“Here you go, missy” a guy said while helping me to get up again.
“Thank you” I sighed, not looking up to the guy. I started to panic once I saw how many people were walking around on this place.
I was absolutely sure she took the train to London right?
For the rest of the day I wandered around the station, but I couldn’t find my little sister anywhere. It was a disaster. I asked every passenger I possibly could ask if he or she’d seen a little girl.
When it was about nighttime, the amount of people seemed to fade. Only around twenty people were in the station. And as far as I could see they were all homeless.
Just like us
I just realized. I am homeless, Laura is homeless and we were both alone. The worst part of all this is I can’t blame anyone but myself. She is my responsibility and I had lost her, in the biggest city I’ve ever seen.
“Laura!” I yelled hysterically, I was desperate. Every bone, every muscle, just everything was screaming pain.
“Laura!” I screamed again.
“Can you please shut your mouth!” a guy answered madly.
As soon as I exited the train station I saw again hundreds of people. All in their own world, all not seeing I was actually so close to the edge.
“Lauraaaaaa!” I yelled again, I wouldn’t been surprised as my longs would tear apart. It hurt so much. Just like everything else.
After a while I was in an almost deserted street. And that was the moment I saw a little girl bending over crying her eyes out.
“Laura?” I murmured. But she was too far away , she couldn’t hear me.
“Laura!?” I yelled once more. Adrenalin rushed through my veins, I was so excited, maybe I’d found her! Her head turned in my direction, big eyes full of hope, her hair a mess, and a small smile curved on her lips when she saw me.
“Jess!” she laughed now. Her laugh is the only thing that makes me feel better, and lately I’ve heard it so little.
“Watch out!” I cried out in panic when I saw the light of a car. But it was too late, the car hit my baby.
I froze, the muscles in my arms contract and the ones in my legs weaken by the thought of my little sister lying there lifeless.
“God, I’m so sorry. She came out of nowhere and I didn’t see her and” he kept rattling and I just wanted him to shut up.
“shut up” I insinuated, looking at my sister, but not being able to move.
He didn’t.
“Shut up” I said under my breath a little louder. And I couldn’t hold myself any longer and a tear escaped my eye. It was rolling down my left cheek and it didn’t matter anymore to be strong. So I just let it all go. Hysterical sobs were escaping my mouth and the young man clearly didn’t know what to do. Because it weren’t just ‘my sister is hurt’ sobs. It was so much more, pain he couldn’t even imagine to handle. Real pain, of years and years.
“I’m sure she will be okay if we bring her to the hospital right now, she’s still breathing” he almost gasped. But he didn’t understand. It wasn’t only because of Laura. It was everything.
He bended down and softly carried her to his car. When he shut the door he faced me.
“I’m so sorry” he whispered softly. It was kind of a voice that was barely used to be serious. He had a sort of soft hilarious undertone in his quite voice.
He wanted to hug me. “Don’t touch me!” I said in my defense. It was a reflex though. An instinct.
“It’s alright, everything will be alright” he mumbled before he sat down in his car. He didn’t seem to matter his car was broke.
I tried to calm myself down. And after a short ride to the hospital, without words trading, there wasn’t any prove I had been crying.

Notes