Behind Her Smile [Louis]

My eyelids were still heavy but after some effort I was able to open them. I looked straight into his eyes. I hate myself for needing him so much, it’s ridiculous.
“What’s the time?” I sat straight trying to escape from his arms, what took me a lot more mental effort than physical.
“Three” his voice soft and sad. I looked outside to see if it was night or day.
Night.
“Give me five minutes” he begged as I stood up.
“five” I agreed silently and sat down again, as far as possible from him. Because I know if we almost touch I wouldn’t be able to not cover my face in his chest, allow him to put his strong arms around my body and I would certainly forgive him without even an explanation.
“I love you, Jess. I love you so much , and though I really adore my job, there are a lot of things that are so complicated I don’t even understand myself.” He sighed and looked up again.
“You know this, or you don’t but since the X factor in 2010, Harry has been the best friend you could ever imagine, and we were so close people began to think we were actually together. I don’t know why.. but there’s this thing that your band isn’t so successful as there are gays in your band. Not that it was true, but people couldn’t think it so management created a gay beard.”
“Gay beard?” I asked confused.
“not exactly a gay beard but it’s close to it. If I for example really was gay, Eleanor could be my so called girlfriend so that people wouldn’t think I was gay, you understand?” I just nodded.
“But I’m obviously not really gay, though I have some features of gays apparently.. But they still thought it would be safer to pretend I had a girlfriend, since I was not really seeing someone they thought the daughter of the big boss of management would be appropriate. Because she has the same age as me well not exactly but almost. They told Harry to tell them she knew Eleanor from school and introduced her to me.” His eyes wandered from my face to his hands in his lap.
“But then I bumped into you and I still don’t understand how but I fell in love with everything of you, your smile, your sassiness, you’re everything and you fascinate me so much. It frustrates me.”
“I don’t understand” I whispered, I did actually but I didn’t know what to think.. Was he being honest?
“Or I do, but I’m confused” I admitted.
“Me too” he sighed and closed the gap between the two of us. As a reflex I backed off, and I could see the disappointment in Louis’ eyes as he moved back to the end of the couch.
“Sorry, I really am confused, I don’t know what to think”
“Do I need to leave?” I just wanted this never to be happened in the first place, everything is so confusing now and I don’t know how to react anymore it’s like we’re back to strangers all over again. Apparently he misunderstood my silence because he was already standing in my doorway.
“I can’t really explain it, but you really mean more to me than you’d think.” Were his last words and he didn’t even gave me time to answer.
My mind was literally blank, and I had no idea what to think. I just didn’t want him to leave me, I needed him.

Louis POV
The moment I closed her door, it was like a sign. A sign to let everything go, my shoulders immediately fell down, my hands shot to my face and a release of tears were now covering my entire face.
So this was it? I really thought she’d take me back if I explained her everything, but she didn’t. I can’t blame her though, the things she’s been through.
Rage built up in my body and as soon as I reached my car I have never been so angry at the world as I am right now. My knuckles were turning white from my clenched hand on my steering wheel, my cheeks were dry again but my eyes were filled with tears ready to moisten them again, teeth clenched and hating the world more than ever.
“Hazz?” I yelled when I entered our apartment.
“Harry?” I tried another time.
“Great” I stumbled in his room almost falling because I couldn’t see where I was walking and my legs were shaking, from rage probably.
This day couldn’t become worse. It’s not even close to normal how much she means to me and I don’t even know her that long.
After watching two hours some stupid reality shows it was almost 6 in the morning, I was so tired that I was almost calm from the tiredness.
“Lou?” I heard Harry’s voice what looked like 2 seconds later but I opened my eyes so I must have fallen asleep.
“Yes?” I mumbled back immediately closing my eyes again.
“Are you okay?”
“No”
“What happened?” His voice soft and full of worries, he knelt down beside before the couch.
“Harry, what the fuck have you been drinking?”
“Sorry, Nick had this party and he asked…” I didn’t want to hear it, I never really liked the Nick guy.
“I don’t want to talk about it now” Harry was probably drunk, I finally calmed down and I’m tired.
“Okay” I didn’t expect him to give in so easily, but he walked away without protesting.
I stood up, walked to my room, pulling my shirt over my head and jumped back in my bed. I don’t think I was planning on leaving it any time soon.
“Louis?” Harry’s curls appeared behind the door. “I made breakfast”
“I’m not hungry” I whispered back, still appreciating the effort.
I took my phone in my hand and looked at my background first smiling but then dropping the smile as soon as it came.
“I miss her, so much” I sighed, saying as Harry didn’t want to leave.
“I know” he sighed and didn’t say anything more.
Suddenly there our doorbell rang a few times, it kept ringing and Harry looked first confusingly at me. I raised my shoulders.
I hoped it would be her, but it’s hopeless.

Notes