From: Louis Tomlinson
I miss you so much it hurts
That was is, he can’t do this to me. Blame me, like I am the reason for his cheating and lies. He told me so many lies, it’s insane I wonder he’s writing down all his lies he told me so that he wouldn’t slip something of his tongue. Everything is different now though, after Zayn’s letter. I remember I had to read the letter seven times because every time I was at the end of a sentence I couldn’t see anymore because of all the tears that were formed in my eyes. It’s like now I don’t feel constant pain anymore, my body isn’t ignited anymore every time I think of him or something related to him. It wasn’t better, I felt numb, I didn’t feel anything at all and it was even worse, endlessly staring in the distance, people looking at me like I have this sort sickness but the worst part is I don’t care anymore. I don’t care anymore about anything but Louis. It’s dangerous, I know but I can’t do anything about it.
When I called him was the worst, he sounded so sad and I wanted him back. I promised myself not to call him, but I couldn’t hold myself anymore and had to hear his voice one more time.
Should I give him a second chance and let him explain, like Zayn asked me? What in hell’s name could he even explain?
I heard a knock on my door “yes?”
“Are you hungry, I thought maybe we could-“
“No, I’m cooking tonight.”
“Are you sure?” he asked unsure, but I already stood up and walked passed him.
“Do you have anything at all?” I sighed when I closed the refrigerator.
“No, sorry Jess. I can-“
“It’s fine, I’ll just go to Tesco, it’s no big deal”
How many days is Louis already back in London? 2 ? What if he’s grocery shopping too? Nah, that would be 1 in a million literally.
My phone started to vibrate when I exited Tesco again.
“What’s up, Rick?” I answered struggling to hold the bag in one hand.
“uh..uhh well Louis’ here. Should I send him away?”
“What?” My heart started to pound out of my chest and I couldn’t hold the bag anymore so it fell on the ground.
“Well, should I kick him out?”
“Jess?”
“Jess?” He asked now more worriedly.
“Yea, sure, no, wait huh?”
“I’m not going until I talked to her, though” I heard Louis’ sassy voice through my phone and I let out a chuckle and then a sort of squeak and then I started to sob like an idiot.
“Are you alright?” I heard Rick again.
“Yea” I squeaked out in a sigh “I’ll be there in ten minutes”
I squatted down to gather the groceries but fell on the ground., I tried to hold in my sobs what made me look like a complete moron.
By the time I was back at Rick’s apartment I succeeded in stopping crying, but I can’t really predict how I’m going to react when I see Louis.
Just when I was about to enter, Rick left his apartment and bumped into me.
“Where are you going?” I was grateful that my voice was strong again.
“Out, by the way I’ll bring Laura with me when I come back, would be in two hours.”
“Don’t leave”
“Sorry.” He only said, and walked away but then turned again.
“He really seems heartbroken Jess, let him explain” without waiting for my answer he stepped into the elevator.
I didn’t know whether I had to be pissed he chose Louis’ side or glad because of god knows why. I was confused.
When I opened the door Louis wasn’t further than a few feet away, he turned around and his eyes were bloodshot, almost black bags under his eyes and a little bit of hope in his eyes further nothing.
“Jess” he breathed out shaking.
My heart broke, I don’t care about everything he’s done to me before. He looks so hurt and fragile and small and I just wanted to tell him everything is going to be okay and kiss his pink plump lips.
But then I remembered the last few weeks and I tried to stand up for myself.
“Please let me-“ he started
“Let me talk first.” I cut him off, he just nodded.
“You broke my heart, Louis” was all I could bring out, I had so many things to say to him but this is all that came out.
“I know” his voice barely a whisper.
“You lied your ass off” I was shocked about the words that were coming out of my mouth but it didn’t matter anyway because a wave of pain hit me and I had to sit down on the couch and bury my head in my hands and I didn’t sob I just let the tears flow in my hands again. I felt his hands on my back and I didn’t even had the strength to push him away because I needed him.
“I’m so sorry, love” he cooed. I looked up at him and he wasn’t even trying to hide his tears.
“Remember when you told me ‘I won’t break your heart , I promise’ remember when you told me ‘Things won’t change between us, I promise’?” I looked at him through my curtain of tears. “And I actually believed you.” I was done, I was empty and I had no strength anymore.
“Give me a chance, please” his thumb found my chin and forced me to look at him once more.
“I’m so tired , Louis”
“Haven’t you slept last night?” It was difficult to see through his teary eyes, but I could see a little worry behind it.
“I’m too tired to sleep” his other hand found my cheeks and his familiar touch felt against my skin. I wanted this too much to push him away.
“Are you too tired to listen?” his eyes only inches away from mine now.
I tried to think but my mind was too foggy to think.
“I think so” I nodded.
“I’m coming back, please give me a chance to explain” he said again. And his touch was gone, a whimper left my lips as he placed my head gently on the soft cushion.
“Please don’t go” the words left my mouth before they reached my brain. It was quiet for a few minutes but then I heard his footsteps coming closer in my direction/
It felt like ages when I felt his arms again around my body. My head was lifted from the soft cushion and placed on Louis’ chest what laid way worse but way better at the same time. I felt a blanket being put over my body and Louis’ lips against my temple.
“sleep” he whispered in my ear. “I’m not going anywhere. Not again.”
I clamped my hands around his arms, afraid he told me a lie again but I was done fighting and my eyes closed for the first time since two days.
[thank you so much! I love you all x]

Notes